All straight guys = homophobic?!

[Miles D]

So, I was talking with a friend who drives me to my cello lessons every week.

Last week she told me that I'm lucky because I would have good luck with girls (if I was straight) because I have a "girl's brain". As if for some reason I transitioned to male even though I had a female brain... WTF makes no sense (and I told her so.)

This week she was talking about how her brother was an overall nice guy, but that he would make fun of gays, and she just brushed it off. I told her that wasn't really acceptable in my book, and that he didn't sound very nice to me... and she said, "Well, what do you except, he's homophobic because all [straight] guys are."

She was using that as justification!!! As though ALL straight guys are homophobic, and somehow that's NORMAL.

Is it a general consensus that most straight guys are homophobic, and that because they're guys and in the majority, they shouldn't be held accountable??

-Miles

[Swamp56]

Maybe all her straight male friends are homophobic. People tend to justify their opinions due to the crowd that they are involved with.

[Shevanel]

That is pretty ridiculous. All straight guys are definitely not homophobic. I would even say most straight guys aren't.

[mydogstewie]

There are two kinds of straight people, those who hate us to our face, and those who hate us behind our back.

[Strawberry]

All straight men are homophobic? Nonsense! I can name plenty of straight guys who are perfectly accepting of gay people. My dad, my uncle, my cousin, the guy who sits by me in math class... The list goes on. Where on Earth is she getting her information!?

[Chip]

My own experience (which is in northern California, and therefore probably doesn't generalize to elsewhere) is that the vast majority of straight guys, at least ones under 30, really have no issue at all with gay men. I suspect they have even less problem with lesbians, other than "considering it a waste."

But when I lived in the south -- granted, some years ago -- it was very different. So I think it really varies by area, and also varies by the sort of crowd you hang with. I'm sure if I hung out with fundy christians, even here in norcal, it might be a different experience.

[Phoenix]

Nonsense. All of my boyfriend's close friends are straight males and they're fine with us. I'm sure it varies based on age and location but there are a lot of heterosexual men in the world. To say most of them are homophobic probably isn't accurate.

[Étoile]

For some odd reason, it's expected, acceptable, and even encouraged to some for boys to be homophobic and generally unacceptable to diversity. Often times, boys are trying to fit in with the guys and pretend to be homophobic but once you get them alone, they actually have no problem with gays.

[joezimm48]

I hate all those people who think were feminine just because were gay. IT SUCKS!

[RaeofLite]

Maybe she lives in a bucket. And therefore doesn't have a lot of experience meeting various types of people. I have several straight guy friends and they're ok with gays (both male and female).

That's a pretty broad generalization she makes for 'a lot of the male population'. But of course that's because she likely doesn't understand or have experience in this area of life.

As for her analogy of you being a male, but a female brain.. that's totally uncalled for; however, that's likely because she isn't educated in all transsexual/transgendered knowledge. Maybe you could educate her?

[Nodnarb]

That's an extreme over-generalization to say the least. I agree with Étoile in that a lot of homophobia is just a way to be "one of the guys" rather than how they actually feel.

I don't agree with the whole "two kinds of straight people" theory either. For example, I've lived with my roommate long enough that I could tell if he had a problem with me. He clearly does not.

Your friend must either hang out with a lot of homophobic straight guys, or she's just taking stereotypes too far.

[someguy82]

Most of my guy friends are straight. This is not true at all.

[Lexington]

I doubt the only people voting for gay-rights legislation are queers and straight women.

Lex

[joezimm48]

I think maybe she just doesn't understand us

----------

And i agree with lex

I'm going to play devil's advocate 'cause I think people here are being a bit too harsh on that girl. Sure, her generalization may be arbitrary but is it totally unfounded? Then why are there so many threads about people scared to come out if not because of facing varying levels of intolerance or aversion towards gays on a regular basis? It is true that nowadays there're fewer people who'd openly say stuff like "gays are perverts" but what the OP's friend was talking about did not concern extreme or violent homophobia but just a regular fellow who happened to make fun of gays. And the way you put it doesn't sound like she's trying to justify her brother's homophobia with the fact that he's straight, but it just shows she isn't surprised. Living in cultures that encourage men to be somewhat disdainful towards women and gays (especially gay men), I'd also expect a straight guy to be less accepting of homosexuality than a straight girl -which, needless to say, doesn't mean there aren't accepting straight guys and intolerant straight women; I'm simply talking about probability. If, on top of that, said girl lives in a particularly conservative area where all her male acquaintances display outward hostility towards gays, that might as well account for her preconception.

[4 seat]

I pretty much only hang out with guys. Of the 7 people that know I'm gay, only one of them is a girl and none of them(or any of my friends for that matter) are gay. Also, none of them have ever had a problem with me being gay or expressed any homophobia to me or anyone else. And none of them think of me or treat me like a girl at all, because I'm more masculine than most of them anyways, haha. But no, I don't really hear of very much homophobia from any other guys either.

However, gay or straight, if you act very feminine and present yourself like a girl, then most guys will treat you and think of you like a girl, myself included.

[Spectre]

Originally Posted by Mysterons

Then why are there so many threads about people scared to come out if not because of facing varying levels of intolerance or aversion towards gays on a regular basis? It is true that nowadays there're fewer people who'd openly say stuff like "gays are perverts" but what the OP's friend was talking about did not concern extreme or violent homophobia but just a regular fellow who happened to make fun of gays.

I think you're taking an unfounded generalization and conflating it with some of the common issues faced by the membership of EC. This is a support forum, so of course you are going to see many threads about people scared to come out. But this sample of people and their issues aren't enough to confirm the generalization that all or even most straight men are homophobic. Besides, the fear of homophobia is often proven (after coming out) to be unfounded in the threads that you speak of.

And I also think don't think that everyone who makes fun of gays is necessarily homophobic as well. Like Etoile said, quite often they're just maintaining a facade in order to "fit in." Comedians make fun of gays all the time, but I'm sure they aren't all homophobic, either.

But you're right, the probabilities of encountering it will shift from region to region and culture to culture.

Most people justify their opinions based on the crowd they're with.
Take my group of friends (and school, in general). No one takes homophobic insults seriously because everyone in my school knows it's not actually meant to insult anyone. And those who ARE homophobic, they know to keep their mouth shut.

[uptownboy]

people who homophobic are backward

[x2x2x2x2y2]

One word: Ignorance.