Marriage in general - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

kv88 · 11th Mar 2010, 11:27 AM

How do you guys feel about marriage? For me, I don't know if I want to get married, the thought of being tied down or tying someone else down does not go well with me. A lot of this has to do with personal experiences and issues, I guess I just don't want anyone to get hurt in the end (and have it end badly or just drift apart). But I still keep that option open and never say never.

RaeofLite · 11th Mar 2010, 11:30 AM

I used to feel like that. I'm not sure I feel the same now... but I mostly feel that way when I'm single and a little grumpy with the idea of not having a lady friend.

Haha.

I think in due time (years from now... maybe eight-eleven years from now) I can see myself getting married. Maybe. If I find the right lady.

Black Cat · 11th Mar 2010, 11:32 AM

I want to be married someday. My parents’ marriage ended in divorce, and I’ve never really witnessed a healthy loving relationship between two grown adults, but I so badly want to get married. I think of it not so much as a ceremony or a religious thing, but a declaration of love. Like standing before the world and telling them, “I love this person so much and I am going to dedicate my life to making them happy and being happy with them.”

Marriage isn’t for everyone, so if someday my partner never wants to get married then it is a dream I could give up. In order to get what I want out of a relationship we wouldn’t have to be married to be happy. And happiness is all I want out of the deal.

Aoifeee · 11th Mar 2010, 11:38 AM

Not so big on marriage at all :/ I hate the idea of the wedding day and anniversaries...Love and commitment shouldn't be pinned down to one day a year :/

Johnnieguy · 11th Mar 2010, 11:39 AM

I absolutely will get married, and I'm not going to wait for my state/country to recognize it either. I can go to Canada to get a license. There are chuches in Minnesota which will perform the ceremony. All I need is to find the right boy.

RaeofLite · 11th Mar 2010, 12:26 PM

The only thing is, if you get a partner for life, you'll probably want to share benefits and be want to be able to visit them in the hospital and what not. And by being married, you can do that whereas only family can visit you in the hospital if you aren't. And if you're not married, you can't legally be considered 'family'. I think that's a main issue in our fight for marriage. That, adoption rights, benefits and the solidarity of it.

Johnnieguy · 11th Mar 2010, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaeofLite

The only thing is, if you get a partner for life, you'll probably want to share benefits and be want to be able to visit them in the hospital and what not. And by being married, you can do that whereas only family can visit you in the hospital if you aren't. And if you're not married, you can't legally be considered 'family'. I think that's a main issue in our fight for marriage. That, adoption rights, benefits and the solidarity of it.

It's going to come and I will be legally married in the USA when that time comes, but if I'm ready to be married when I am 27 years old (hypothetical, random age) and marriage equality is not yet achieved, it won't stop me from referring to myself as married. That's my only point.

When people talk with me about my future, they use the term "partner" and I always have to correct them and say "no, I will have a HUSBAND."

I think society today is better about the hospital visitation rights. When my prof was dying in the hospital, the staff was extremely gracious and kept asking when Gary (his husband/"partner") would be coming in. Then again, this is Minneapolis, MN and things aren't the same in the rest of America.

Black Cat · 11th Mar 2010, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnieguy

When people talk with me about my future, they use the term "partner" and I always have to correct them and say "no, I will have a HUSBAND."

Agreed! I hate when people use the term partner rather than husband/wife. I know it's only a word, but it makes a huge difference to me!

kv88 · 11th Mar 2010, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Cat

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnieguy

When people talk with me about my future, they use the term "partner" and I always have to correct them and say "no, I will have a HUSBAND."

Agreed! I hate when people use the term partner rather than husband/wife. I know it's only a word, but it makes a huge difference to me!

Oh my gosh so right on! I am so annoyed with the term 'partner'. If I was married I would say husband!

**lostinthought9** · 11th Mar 2010, 01:02 PM

I totally wanna get married someday. I have no clue when or where that might be though.

RaeofLite · 11th Mar 2010, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kv88

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Cat

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnieguy

When people talk with me about my future, they use the term "partner" and I always have to correct them and say "no, I will have a HUSBAND."

Agreed! I hate when people use the term partner rather than husband/wife. I know it's only a word, but it makes a huge difference to me!

Oh my gosh so right on! I am so annoyed with the term 'partner'. If I was married I would say husband!

I do agree with you all on this. However, I think it's used in a broad legal term used to incorporate everyone into the terms of marriage. I hear it being used more and more on the news, whenver counsellors talk, they generally use the term 'partner' even for heterosexual couples. I think this way, it's also a way of making people in a same sex relationship not feel outed constantly to people they're not out to yet. I don't know, that's how I see it. It may be seen as more politically correct? Even though literally it's not. It's kinda vague.

Example: A guy is married to his husband but isn't out at work. Yet at work they use the term 'partner' referring to their significant other so this way he doesn't lie, yet doesn't feel awkward saying "me and my 'boyfriend' or husband did this last weekend..."

jazzrawr · 11th Mar 2010, 01:45 PM

Eh, I might. It all depends on the right ladeh. ;D
I like the idea of getting married, but I wouldn't have a conventional ceremony. Those are boring. I'd spice it up.

shimmersky · 11th Mar 2010, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazzrawr

Eh, I might. It all depends on the right ladeh. ;D
I like the idea of getting married, but I wouldn't have a conventional ceremony. Those are boring. I'd spice it up.

Agreed.
White dress = no imagination.

Now, a rainbow tux, on the other hand...

RaeofLite · 11th Mar 2010, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shimmersky

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazzrawr

Eh, I might. It all depends on the right ladeh. ;D
I like the idea of getting married, but I wouldn't have a conventional ceremony. Those are boring. I'd spice it up.

Agreed.
White dress = no imagination.

Now, a rainbow tux, on the other hand...

Haha, I like your thinking. I think a garden wedding or a small ceremony on a beach would be cool. As would riding away on a motorcycle or riding an elephant with "Just married" on the back.

11th Mar 2010, 02:40 PM

No, I don't think I'll ever marry. To me, it couldn't be less romantic, as if I had to sign a contract with the person I love. You don't need to get married to throw parties anyway

.

Étoile · 11th Mar 2010, 03:16 PM

I so want to get married one day. To me, marriage is an expression of love and ultimate commitment, not some religious or traditional practice. I'm not sure how the wedding will be, but I know I want a lemon cake and fly away in a hot air balloon.

NickT · 11th Mar 2010, 04:26 PM

I plan on moving to Canada or at least to a gay-friendly (politically) state so I can get married. I'm an introvert, and I like privacy and all, but I really want to have a loving relationship for life. =/

JB1986 · 11th Mar 2010, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnieguy

It's going to come and I will be legally married in the USA when that time comes, but if I'm ready to be married when I am 27 years old (hypothetical, random age) and marriage equality is not yet achieved, it won't stop me from referring to myself as married. That's my only point.

When people talk with me about my future, they use the term "partner" and I always have to correct them and say "no, I will have a HUSBAND."

I plan on doing the same thing. "Partner" just sounds weird to me, and it almost feels like I'm saying "well, I'm not as good as you straight people so I have to say partner." Fuck that shit. I fully plan on referring to my man as my *husband* when I get married eventually.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickT

I plan on moving to Canada or at least to a gay-friendly (politically) state so I can get married. I'm an introvert, and I like privacy and all, but I really want to have a loving relationship for life. =/

Yeah, me too. I'm considering Canada mostly because I can get married anywhere in Canada, and it's so close to Michigan anyway (I seriously live about 30 minutes or so from the U.S./Canada border.) I just want to have it be legal, and I honestly don't being second best in that regard.

I'm not quite sure what type of wedding I want, I just know I don't want a traditional church wedding with black tuxes. That's boring. I'll give myself time to mull this over.

Brandford · 11th Mar 2010, 05:34 PM

I definitely want to get married, everyone blames marriage for relationship problems but I think its the people who make it harder not marriage itself. People say marriage is hard but I think thats bull and its just a psychological thing. I also agree with that whole partner crap, calling someone your partner to me has no emotion to it like calling someone your husband does. I think Husband and Wife have alot more meaning than the word partner, I will never use the word partner to describe my significant other. I want a small wedding with just family members who really desire to attend and I want one of us to wear a white tux while the other wears a black one.

11th Mar 2010, 06:56 PM

I think iv'e got too many years ahead of me to even think about it lol

11th Mar 2010, 11:27 AM	#1
kv88 Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Mostly, if someone ask I will tell the truth. Location: AK Age: 23 Posts: 155 Join Date: Feb 2010	Marriage in general How do you guys feel about marriage? For me, I don't know if I want to get married, the thought of being tied down or tying someone else down does not go well with me. A lot of this has to do with personal experiences and issues, I guess I just don't want anyone to get hurt in the end (and have it end badly or just drift apart). But I still keep that option open and never say never.

11th Mar 2010, 11:30 AM	#2
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Marriage in general I used to feel like that. I'm not sure I feel the same now... but I mostly feel that way when I'm single and a little grumpy with the idea of not having a lady friend. Haha. I think in due time (years from now... maybe eight-eleven years from now) I can see myself getting married. Maybe. If I find the right lady. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

11th Mar 2010, 11:32 AM	#3
Black Cat As Seen On Hoarders... Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: This cat is out of the bag - I mean closet Location: Pennsylvania, with the cows Age: 21 Posts: 2,391 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: Marriage in general I want to be married someday. My parents’ marriage ended in divorce, and I’ve never really witnessed a healthy loving relationship between two grown adults, but I so badly want to get married. I think of it not so much as a ceremony or a religious thing, but a declaration of love. Like standing before the world and telling them, “I love this person so much and I am going to dedicate my life to making them happy and being happy with them.” Marriage isn’t for everyone, so if someday my partner never wants to get married then it is a dream I could give up. In order to get what I want out of a relationship we wouldn’t have to be married to be happy. And happiness is all I want out of the deal. __________________ "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it." - Mr. Magorium

11th Mar 2010, 11:38 AM	#4
Aoifeee Well Known Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lezbot! Out Status: I was never "in". I just don't like people knowing Location: Ireland Posts: 172 Join Date: Dec 2009	Re: Marriage in general Not so big on marriage at all :/ I hate the idea of the wedding day and anniversaries...Love and commitment shouldn't be pinned down to one day a year :/ __________________ "The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly." - Henry David Thoreau

11th Mar 2010, 11:39 AM	#5
Johnnieguy EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Twin Cities, MN Age: 25 Posts: 510 Join Date: Jan 2010	Re: Marriage in general I absolutely will get married, and I'm not going to wait for my state/country to recognize it either. I can go to Canada to get a license. There are chuches in Minnesota which will perform the ceremony. All I need is to find the right boy. __________________ Minnesota Vikings: 2010 de facto Super Bowl Champions!

11th Mar 2010, 12:26 PM	#6
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Marriage in general The only thing is, if you get a partner for life, you'll probably want to share benefits and be want to be able to visit them in the hospital and what not. And by being married, you can do that whereas only family can visit you in the hospital if you aren't. And if you're not married, you can't legally be considered 'family'. I think that's a main issue in our fight for marriage. That, adoption rights, benefits and the solidarity of it. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

11th Mar 2010, 01:02 PM	#10
lostinthought9 EC's Biggest Xena Fan EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Louisiana Age: 21 Posts: 2,059 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Marriage in general I totally wanna get married someday. I have no clue when or where that might be though. __________________

11th Mar 2010, 01:45 PM	#12
jazzrawr Lover of Loony Lovegood Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesimbean Out Status: I scream it from rooftops Location: Ontario, Canada. Age: 19 Posts: 3,391 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: Marriage in general Eh, I might. It all depends on the right ladeh. ;D I like the idea of getting married, but I wouldn't have a conventional ceremony. Those are boring. I'd spice it up. __________________ <3 You can love people so much... But you can never love someone as much as you can miss them. (...and the lesbians.)

11th Mar 2010, 02:40 PM	#15
Mysterons Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Marriage in general No, I don't think I'll ever marry. To me, it couldn't be less romantic, as if I had to sign a contract with the person I love. You don't need to get married to throw parties anyway .

11th Mar 2010, 03:16 PM	#16
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Marriage in general I so want to get married one day. To me, marriage is an expression of love and ultimate commitment, not some religious or traditional practice. I'm not sure how the wedding will be, but I know I want a lemon cake and fly away in a hot air balloon. __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

11th Mar 2010, 04:26 PM	#17
NickT Mr. Grammar Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Kentucky Posts: 985 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: Marriage in general I plan on moving to Canada or at least to a gay-friendly (politically) state so I can get married. I'm an introvert, and I like privacy and all, but I really want to have a loving relationship for life. =/ __________________ Gay Pride!

11th Mar 2010, 05:34 PM	#19
Brandford Friendly Misanthrope Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: everyone that asks,my mom (i think) and my sister Location: Woodbridge, VA Age: 19 Posts: 6,656 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Marriage in general I definitely want to get married, everyone blames marriage for relationship problems but I think its the people who make it harder not marriage itself. People say marriage is hard but I think thats bull and its just a psychological thing. I also agree with that whole partner crap, calling someone your partner to me has no emotion to it like calling someone your husband does. I think Husband and Wife have alot more meaning than the word partner, I will never use the word partner to describe my significant other. I want a small wedding with just family members who really desire to attend and I want one of us to wear a white tux while the other wears a black one.

11th Mar 2010, 06:56 PM	#20
RiotPoofBrandon Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Marriage in general I think iv'e got too many years ahead of me to even think about it lol

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