My mom is strict ?!?!

[HazMattic_Force]

Ok let me start with my mom is NEVER strict about anything almost and well she gets so uptight and strict on ANYTHING that could say gay . She will not let me buy anything with a rainbow on it so i go behind her back and buy wristbands and 1 tee shirt and she was pissed at the time and whenever i am wearing a hair band [ around neck or in hair] she freaks out , most times its around my neck and i only wear it in my hair to get it to set right . Third i have been coming out to all my relatives over facebook and she thinks it good for my but she never wants to hear anything about my gayness [ homosexuality if you prefer] and i just am wondering if she is really accepting it or if she is faking it and is she scared of my gayness [ once again if you prefer homosexuality] , not scared scared but more as if people finding out. Should i talk to her or what ? I really want rainbow clothes and a gay pride belt buckle i found......

[RaeofLite]

I know what you're going through. The possible reasons she doesn't want you to wear anything construed as 'gay':
-She loves you and doesn't want you to be discriminated against (some people do gay bash,verbally and physically)
-She hasn't accepted it herself and doesn't want others to know about you yet
-She hopes it's just a phase and doesn't want you to "label" yourself before you "know" in her opinion.


Overall, I would say she's not ready to accept it. She's probably going through a grieving process, mourning the person she thought she knew as her child. It's sad, but many parents do this (mine did). You have to give it time... and if you haven't already referred her PFLAG or support materials: books, panphlets and websites that are for parents of LGBT people then I would do so. When did you come out to her?

[HazMattic_Force]

it has been 1 year since i came out 2 years since i told her

[Zume]

Well it has been almost 1 year since I told my parents so I too know what you are going through . They still are not completely understanding but they are loosening the leash. Your mom is probably still holding onto her perseptions from when she was growing up and what she was taught to believe. Like what was said before, she may just be trying to keep you from being verbally assaulted (or worse). For the longest time my mom didn't even want me telling anyone for fear that they would associate her business with her having a gay son and would hurt her sales. Some parents never get over the idea that this is who you are. One book that I can suggest that I gave my parents that helped tremendously was "Now That You Know". It may help her as well.

[Chip]

She may be totally supportive of you, but she's not really comfortable with all that it means yet. My guess is that in her mind, being visibly gay is probably similar to discussing your sex life in public; it's a problem a lot of straight people (and some uncomfortable gay people have) separating the concept of being a gay person and what that means from the sexual acts that gay people participate in.

Since she is comfortable with your coming out to family on Facebook, it sounds like she'd be open to a conversation. The challenge here is to be able to do so without letting emotion get in the way. If you sit down with her and say "I think it will help me understand what you're feeling if you can share your concerns with me about why it's uncomforable for me to wear rainbow items or other things like that." Let her speak, and instead of arguing or refuting what she says, just, with each thing she says, restate it back to her in neutral (non-judgemental) language, "OK, so what I think I am hearing you say is __________", did I hear you correctly? If she says no, ask her to restate and repeat until you have it. Then ask "Is there more?" and repeat the process until there isn't any more. Then -- and this is the hard part -- respond without judgement, and if you can bring yourself to do it, agree with, and acknowledge her concerns, but at the same time share why it's important for you. And see what sort of middle ground you might be able to arrange.

9 times out of 10, if you approach it this way, some really meaningful dialogue will come out of the situation, and both of you will not only understand each other better, but likely come to a place where you can both be reasonably OK with the result.

If you try it, let me know how it works.

Originally Posted by MattHiFriends16

Ok let me start with my mom is NEVER strict about anything almost and well she gets so uptight and strict on ANYTHING that could say gay . She will not let me buy anything with a rainbow on it so i go behind her back and buy wristbands and 1 tee shirt and she was pissed at the time and whenever i am wearing a hair band [ around neck or in hair] she freaks out , most times its around my neck and i only wear it in my hair to get it to set right . Third i have been coming out to all my relatives over facebook and she thinks it good for my but she never wants to hear anything about my gayness [ homosexuality if you prefer] and i just am wondering if she is really accepting it or if she is faking it and is she scared of my gayness [ once again if you prefer homosexuality] , not scared scared but more as if people finding out. Should i talk to her or what ? I really want rainbow clothes and a gay pride belt buckle i found......

[Techcompu2]

all I can say is that, even though I am not out to my parents, I was at one point Martin's friend on Myspace. my dad noticed and suggested that I remove him as a friend so none of my school friends that were on there would get any ideas.

so I guess it was for my own protection in a way, but even though I never go on Myspace anymore, I did remove him so my dad wouldn't get mad or anything.

[beckyg]

Your mom may be afraid for your safety. If you are advertising that you are gay, you are more likely to be discriminated against, or have hate crimes committed against you. We mom's worry about these things.

Originally Posted by beckyg

Your mom may be afraid for your safety. If you are advertising that you are gay, you are more likely to be discriminated against, or have hate crimes committed against you. We mom's worry about these things.

That is the main problem my mom has with me being gay

[beckyg]

Originally Posted by RiotPoofBrandon

That is the main problem my mom has with me being gay

Well hang in there..... we eventually feel more comfortable about these things.