Well, Bryan Adams is in my playlist, so I'm in the right mood. A lot of things happened this week that I feel the need to write down. And I figure this is a good place since I'll get some feedback from you guys. Unlike my other posts I'll try to keep it short... Well, basically my cover was blown, the secret's out. People at tkd all know, or at least suspect, I'm gay and have a crush on AC. That on it's own sucks, because it wouldn't be something they discuss if it wasn't me (a guy) having a crush on AC (a guy). You see my point? I have the strong feeling that if instead of AC I had a crush on one of the girls people wouldn't even mention it. On the other hand, someone not very reliable confirmed one of my theories, that AC knows I like him, and well, if he knows and does nothing, I can only conclude that he's not interested. In part this is good, because it takes the doubt out of the equation, it make's it easyer to solve. However, I don't want to solve it that way. I want him to like me. In a desperate effort to get over him I posted a personal ad, and contected a few people. One shut me off because 'he didn't like the thinking kind of guy'. I mean, come on!!! who on earth rejects someone because they are too smart? or is it that I'm a bit arrogant that makes people uneasy? Anyway, that didn't bother me at all. But, another guy just blocked me in msn when I showed him my photo... that was not a nice thing to do!! specially since I use linux, and thus have to use a MSN client that has the feature of telling me when people blocked me and deleted me from their contact list. Well, that sucked big time. Oh... well, after spending most friday afternoon writing in my little notebook, and shunning my friends, and doing stupid things, I finally took a long (very long) shower, and started to get some perspective on things. The worst part of this, is that I have a quite important test on wednesday, and another on friday, I need to study a lot for both, and I can't find the enrgy to do so. I read for 20 minutes, do three or four excercises and I can't seem to focus any more. I start making stupid mistakes like adding 2 + 1 = 2 or 6 x 2 = 6. or forgetting to do some operation, or mistaking formulas, speed with acceleration or radius with span. And it becomes utterly impossible for me to keep on studying. I'll let you know how it goes... but I don't want to jeopardize my grade over some guy!! specially when it's a dead end!!! ok, rant over... now hit me!
Well, that's the way things go sometimes. Gossiping about gay relationships is probably more titillatting to them, but so what? They'll eventually get bored of it I'm sure as it loses its novelty. I haven't followed the rest of your posts terribly closely, but have you tried being frank with him? You can't make somebody like you. Either he does or doesn't at this point. Let him know your feelings and situation. If he runs away because he's not interested, then life goes on and you can finally get over him. If he is interested, no more confusion about his or your intentions. Playing games is just drawing out the inevitable and making you go crazy. Frankly, it's hard to find good people online if you're looking for depth. Every personal site I've ever been on seems to lend itself too well to a shallow game of click on the cute guys. Regardless of what definition of cute one has, it's still very shallow and a bad way to figure out who you might want to get along with. Moreover, those pictures aren't necessarily representative of what the person looks like in real life. I've seen pictures that didn't do justice to the guy at all and others several years older which were taken at just the right angle to make the guy look good. Maybe taking your mind off boys and onto school for a little while will help you step back from everything too.
