I wrote this poem about where I'm at in my life, I don't know if it is good or not, but I wrote it and I liked it so I'm going to share it with you guys. (I'm not good at writing poems, so forgive me) Two paths I’m running alone on life road, know where I’m going, knowing where I’m heading Not a care in the world. Running as fast as my legs and go. Lump, Lump, Lump. Suddenly, I come to a fork in life’s path. One way, I can take hiding who I really am. Keeping everyone happy, but me. Look I can see my life unfold down that path. I know what will happen, how things will go. But I see myself, and my face is blank. No happiness, no joy, no love. Just a blank pale white face looking back at me. The other path, I can’t see my life unfold. It is unknown, it’s scary, but yet peaceful. I can’t see how things will end, I can't see myself, all I see is a ray of hope. A ray of joy. I think will my family be there? Will my friends be there? Am I alone? Am I happy? There’s so much I can’t see or know about that other path. So I sit, and wait, and wait. Not knowing what path to take, not knowing what to do, or how to take the first step. I sit and wait, wait for a sign, a light, a beam of understanding. So I wait. I look down both paths, one I know what will happen, the other I don’t. So I wait. I rise to my feet, looking down both paths; still nothing is changed, so I wait. I take a step forward, still looking down both paths, Still nothing. So I wait. I take another step, looking around and nothing has changed. So I wait. I stop and look around, then I see it, the ray of hope, the beam of understanding. Down the path I can see myself, standing there with someone, I can’t see them. So I walk closer, and still can’t see who it is. I walk closer and still can’t see who it is. So I walk until I can see who it is. I look at him, a ray of hope, a beam of understanding. A light so bright shines off of him, I can see the path and it’s the most beautiful thing. I see love, hope, happiness, understanding, joy, peace, a life that I can only dream of. Then I see myself, standing back at that fork in life’s path again looking down two paths. One unknown, the other known, One I can see and the other I can’t see. Two paths in life. I start to run, run down the unknown path, until I find him again, knowing all will be well.
Thank you for sharing this. "All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well" - Julian of Norwich, Christian mystic, 14th century Deep Peace,
Josh - that is so personal and so very beautiful! It's like a window into the conflict you're going through. I can promise you that you are not alone in wondering the things that you are working through. I am very encouraged to see you doing this. I think that very much like the path I took in coming out, you put the cart before the horse. Ideally what you've revealed about the state of your own inner process through this poem should have happened before you came out to your parents. I understand the urge to stop living the lie and the desire for love and acceptance, but the risk is exactly what happened to you and now you know how much that can hurt. Coming to a personal acceptance of your own sexuality is an extremely necessary step in your overall coming out process, so give yourself all the time you can afford to let it happen. You are in the right place right now. It might feel conflicted and even a little nauseating, but those are precisely the feelings you are going to work through. And there is a better place on the other side of working this out - there always is. Writers and movie directors will talk about the importance of the character arcs of the primary characters in their scripts. This is the journey that takes someone from where they are at the start of the book or the movie, usually a place of conflict or negative energy, to the revelation or reinvention of their person. You and I are both taking the same path, but you are at the very beginning of your arc, while I am now further down the path. So as you start down your arc, let me tell you something that might not be obvious to you at this point. There is a very happy place awaiting you once you work through this. Trust me on this Josh, it is not only possible - it is very likely that you can and will come to a place of comfort and satisfaction with being a gay person. And it is possible to fit it into the rest of your being, including your own religious convictions. Being gay is not a curse or a handicap, it's an unusual and special part of your own story, the story of Josh which you have been writing for many years now. I know of what I speak because I started where you are, and I would have been hard pressed to believe I could be as at peace with being gay as I am. Allow yourself to work through this. Get mad at it if you have to; shake your fist at God for giving you this burden. You need to express that anger and frustration and let it all out, because it will open the way for you to make some unexpected discoveries about yourself and about being gay. God made you this way, so He isn't going to be mad at you for a little despair; I think He knows how this will work out in the end and He'll allow you some time for introspection. Then once you start working through your emotions and you consider what this really means for you, what it changes and what it doesn't, you'll start to see what the "revised edition" of Josh will look like, and in time you'll like what you see. And then you'll be sitting over on this side of the fence giving advice to others from your own experience!
wow that was really nice made my eyes water abit i think we all come to 2 paths in life at times and it can be hard to know the right one to take
Josh, that was just wonderful. I'm generally not a huge fan of poetry, but your poem really spoke to me and also made me tear up a little bit. Glad to see you feeling this way!
