You have to come out every day. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

starfish · 30th Mar 2010, 08:46 PM

Last year at work we had this diversity training we had to go to.

They had a speaker talk about LGBT issues. One thing stick out in my mind. He said every morning when I get up, I have to come out again.

I was reminded of that tonight.

I have been chatting with an old college friend via email, that I have not talked to in a while. He volunteers with the boy scouts. Last year he had over 700 hours of volunteer time.

I also have been volunteering with a gay mens AIDS prevention group. I started to mention it, then I remember he doesn't know I gay. Crud, I'm not really worried about his response, but I really don't have the energy for the conversation right now. So i just leave it out.

I think we need to take out an ad during the super bowl. We can list everyone that is gay. That way we don't have to worry about who knows and who doesn't.

RaeofLite · 30th Mar 2010, 10:22 PM

Yea. Sometimes it bothers me too. But lately I've figured I just work it into the conversation as if it's normal-which to me it is. I get varied responses from "not even phased/conversation continues", to "oh really? You are?" to disgust. But really in every day life the more people find out that LGBT people exist, the better off we are. That's what I believe anyway. Raise awareness that we aren't scary aliens and the stereotypes and illusions that we're bad people will fade.

pirateninja · 30th Mar 2010, 10:28 PM

Every time I visit my Grandma I have to come out again. She is losing her memory, not as bad as Alzheimers but still pretty badly. When she doesn't call me by my Mom's name she asks every time "Have you got a boyfriend yet?" Kind of an amalgamation of concern over my love life and consistently forgetting I'm gay, despite the fact I told her two years ago and repeated myself every time I see her.

Still, her reaction is always surprised yet positive, so it's not too bad, just a little frustrating.

**Mogget** · 30th Mar 2010, 11:33 PM

It's odd and annoying. But I'm at a place where I kinda like coming out to people, so it kinda disappoints me when someone already knows cause one of my friends told 'em (most recently with this awesome--and adorable--lesbian I met).

31st Mar 2010, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pirateninja

Every time I visit my Grandma I have to come out again. She is losing her memory, not as bad as Alzheimers but still pretty badly. When she doesn't call me by my Mom's name she asks every time "Have you got a boyfriend yet?" Kind of an amalgamation of concern over my love life and consistently forgetting I'm gay, despite the fact I told her two years ago and repeated myself every time I see her.

Still, her reaction is always surprised yet positive, so it's not too bad, just a little frustrating.

Anyway when she was your age a vast majority of gay people were in the closet. In addition family secrets then were just secrets. Of course families did strongly suppect someone in the family was gay but that issue was not really openly discussed. Her mind is in a different time period rather than the 21st century.

Love etc · 31st Mar 2010, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dude99

Quote:

Originally Posted by pirateninja

Every time I visit my Grandma I have to come out again. She is losing her memory, not as bad as Alzheimers but still pretty badly. When she doesn't call me by my Mom's name she asks every time "Have you got a boyfriend yet?" Kind of an amalgamation of concern over my love life and consistently forgetting I'm gay, despite the fact I told her two years ago and repeated myself every time I see her.

Still, her reaction is always surprised yet positive, so it's not too bad, just a little frustrating.

Anyway when she was your age a vast majority of gay people were in the closet. In addition family secrets then were just secrets. Of course families did strongly suppect someone in the family was gay but that issue was not really openly discussed. Her mind is in a different time period rather than the 21st century.

Yea. And maybe in her day and age gay meant the happy gay? Not the homosexual gay?

Just Adam · 31st Mar 2010, 04:25 AM

i actually love the idea of an add reeling off all the lgbt people out there and its like WERE EVERYWHERE! ok that would prob just scare people lol

xballetxbeautyx · 31st Mar 2010, 04:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Love etc

Yea. And maybe in her day and age gay meant the happy gay? Not the homosexual gay?

lol. "hey, grandma, I'm gay." "congratulations!"

sorry. Too early. Yeah, there are lots of people at school or dance that I think know and then they end up actually not knowing so that leads to awkward conversations... And some forget after I tell them. THAT's annoying.

**Owen** · 31st Mar 2010, 05:01 AM

I find that putting my sexuality in my Facebook profile and wearing rainbow jewelry does wonders for helping me come out to people every day. It's like my closet door is an automatic one.

Geradeth · 31st Mar 2010, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gamer am I

It's like my closet door is an automatic one.

Hmmm, I know this isn't what you meant, but something about always finding yourself back in the closet having to come out again reminds me of those moments in cartoons when someone is trying to escape from a room and no matter which way they go they invariably end up back in the room... Or like the infinite staircase where you never get any higher no matter how far you climb...

I'm sorry, I'll stop being depressing now...

Johnnieguy · 31st Mar 2010, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geradeth

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gamer am I

It's like my closet door is an automatic one.

Hmmm, I know this isn't what you meant, but something about always finding yourself back in the closet having to come out again reminds me of those moments in cartoons when someone is trying to escape from a room and no matter which way they go they invariably end up back in the room... Or like the infinite staircase where you never get any higher no matter how far you climb...

I'm sorry, I'll stop being depressing now...

Ah, a variation on the Red Queen Hypothesis

30th Mar 2010, 08:46 PM	#1
starfish This space for lease. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like guys Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Hippie Town, Alberta of the US Age: 31 Posts: 2,108 Join Date: Nov 2008	You have to come out every day. Last year at work we had this diversity training we had to go to. They had a speaker talk about LGBT issues. One thing stick out in my mind. He said every morning when I get up, I have to come out again. I was reminded of that tonight. I have been chatting with an old college friend via email, that I have not talked to in a while. He volunteers with the boy scouts. Last year he had over 700 hours of volunteer time. I also have been volunteering with a gay mens AIDS prevention group. I started to mention it, then I remember he doesn't know I gay. Crud, I'm not really worried about his response, but I really don't have the energy for the conversation right now. So i just leave it out. I think we need to take out an ad during the super bowl. We can list everyone that is gay. That way we don't have to worry about who knows and who doesn't. __________________ All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work. --Thomas J. Watson

30th Mar 2010, 10:22 PM	#2
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: You have to come out every day. Yea. Sometimes it bothers me too. But lately I've figured I just work it into the conversation as if it's normal-which to me it is. I get varied responses from "not even phased/conversation continues", to "oh really? You are?" to disgust. But really in every day life the more people find out that LGBT people exist, the better off we are. That's what I believe anyway. Raise awareness that we aren't scary aliens and the stereotypes and illusions that we're bad people will fade. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

30th Mar 2010, 10:28 PM	#3
pirateninja EC's Sailor Uranus Full Member Gender: Biologically Female Orientation: Heterosexually Challenged Out Status: Most people Location: Bath, England Age: 21 Posts: 5,853 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: You have to come out every day. Every time I visit my Grandma I have to come out again. She is losing her memory, not as bad as Alzheimers but still pretty badly. When she doesn't call me by my Mom's name she asks every time "Have you got a boyfriend yet?" Kind of an amalgamation of concern over my love life and consistently forgetting I'm gay, despite the fact I told her two years ago and repeated myself every time I see her. Still, her reaction is always surprised yet positive, so it's not too bad, just a little frustrating. __________________ Holly the Pirateninja Ars Longa, Vita Brevis.

30th Mar 2010, 11:33 PM	#4
Mogget Mad and dead as nails EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Kinsey 5 or 6. It varies Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Alaska Age: 22 Posts: 2,019 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: You have to come out every day. It's odd and annoying. But I'm at a place where I kinda like coming out to people, so it kinda disappoints me when someone already knows cause one of my friends told 'em (most recently with this awesome--and adorable--lesbian I met).

31st Mar 2010, 04:25 AM	#7
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: You have to come out every day. i actually love the idea of an add reeling off all the lgbt people out there and its like WERE EVERYWHERE! ok that would prob just scare people lol __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

31st Mar 2010, 05:01 AM	#9
Owen Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult EC Admin Gender: Agendered dude Orientation: Panromantic androsexual Out Status: Everyone and their mother Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 21 Posts: 2,871 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: You have to come out every day. I find that putting my sexuality in my Facebook profile and wearing rainbow jewelry does wonders for helping me come out to people every day. It's like my closet door is an automatic one. __________________ "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -Daria Morgendorffer