Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Étoile · 9th Apr 2010, 04:45 PM

At my high school, straight people are in and out of relationships. But I've yet to have one. Now, I know it's probably based on a number of other reasons, but I wonder if it's mainly because I'm gay. There're a lot less gay guys at my school than straight guys.

Are we more often the ones without a boyfriend/girlfriend and without sex? Wouldn't we have less opportunities than straight people because they're less of us? I keep telling myself they're other fish in the sea but my sea is a puddle compared to the ocean of my straight friends. I should lower my expectations in finding a boyfriend, especially with where I live and peoples' attitudes on what's attractive.

RaeofLite · 9th Apr 2010, 05:47 PM

Well I think you have a point. At least for most areas. I know I live in a small region. Well, ok... it might seem large to some, but the city I'm currently in consists mostly of older gays and lesbians (30+) so my dating pool is really limited, unless I drive an hour or two to a city where there are possibly people my age... Possibly.. I'm fortunate though, and I currently have an amazing girlfriend.

However, I remember when I was single, it was so hard to meet someone. SO hard. I mostly flirted it up on dating sites since the gay organizations and events in my region consist of mostly older lesbian and bisexual women, so everyone my age was likely on the internet or lived 100s of km away.

Yes, we have a smaller dating pool. Yes, there are chances that your ex, will be an ex of your future girlfriend's. "It's a small world after all..." comes to mind sometimes.

However, once you get older, if you want to have a larger dating pool, and to swim to the ocean of potential dates, I'd pack your bags and move to a larger city. From what I've seen, that's how most LGBT people find more potential matches. It's unfortunate, but it's what we've got to do I guess.

Austin · 9th Apr 2010, 05:49 PM

Men are naturally more sexual than women. So I'm sure it's less hard, or equally as hard for a gay guy to find another willing gay guy than a straight man to find a willing women. Especially with the internet.

That being said, there's less gay guys so obviously less options, and probably more single gay men. Especially in high school. Don't worry about it too much, you don't even need a relation at this point in your life, you only think you do.

Kenko · 9th Apr 2010, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Étoile

At my high school, straight people are in and out of relationships. But I've yet to have one. Now, I know it's probably based on a number of other reasons, but I wonder if it's mainly because I'm gay. There're a lot less gay guys at my school than straight guys.

It's probably because you're only 17.

ColdSnap · 9th Apr 2010, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenko

Quote:

Originally Posted by Étoile

At my high school, straight people are in and out of relationships. But I've yet to have one. Now, I know it's probably based on a number of other reasons, but I wonder if it's mainly because I'm gay. There're a lot less gay guys at my school than straight guys.

It's probably because you're only 17.

I'd be inclined to agree with this but I do see your point

Zach1992 · 9th Apr 2010, 06:21 PM

There are only 3 gays in my school. Me & 2 others. Only one of them I find enticing, but he seems to show no interest. I think in High School the single & without sex for gays is more common because there aren't many of us. That pool gets even smaller when your own interests come into play. Once we're out in the world & college..... well there is a reason gays are often stereotyped as promiscuous.

Kenko · 9th Apr 2010, 06:50 PM

Because they're not sluts in highschool like the straights?

Brandford · 9th Apr 2010, 07:46 PM

I agree, I've never even been on a date. The only times I've had the opportunity for a date was with girls. But hopefully when I go to Connecticut for college I will find more options.

Étoile · 9th Apr 2010, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColdSnap

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenko

Quote:

Originally Posted by Étoile

At my high school, straight people are in and out of relationships. But I've yet to have one. Now, I know it's probably based on a number of other reasons, but I wonder if it's mainly because I'm gay. There're a lot less gay guys at my school than straight guys.

It's probably because you're only 17.

I'd be inclined to agree with this but I do see your point

I know I'm only 17, but there're kids that've lost their virginity long time ago and on their 4th girlfriend/boyfriend.

I'm not condoning sluts and changing boyfriends more than you change your underwear. I don't want to be a whore or have several boyfriends. It's only interesting that they've done so much stuff sexually and romantically while I've yet to receive a hug.

I hope when I go to college, more opportunities open up.

Zach1992 · 9th Apr 2010, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Étoile

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColdSnap

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenko

Quote:

Originally Posted by Étoile

At my high school, straight people are in and out of relationships. But I've yet to have one. Now, I know it's probably based on a number of other reasons, but I wonder if it's mainly because I'm gay. There're a lot less gay guys at my school than straight guys.

It's probably because you're only 17.

I'd be inclined to agree with this but I do see your point

I know I'm only 17, but there're kids that've lost their virginity long time ago and on their 4th girlfriend/boyfriend.

I'm not condoning sluts and changing boyfriends more than you change your underwear. I don't want to be a whore or have several boyfriends. It's only interesting that they've done so much stuff sexually and romantically while I've yet to receive a hug.

I hope when I go to college, more opportunities open up.

I'm in the same boat.

hairdye · 10th Apr 2010, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Étoile

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColdSnap

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenko

Quote:

Originally Posted by Étoile

At my high school, straight people are in and out of relationships. But I've yet to have one. Now, I know it's probably based on a number of other reasons, but I wonder if it's mainly because I'm gay. There're a lot less gay guys at my school than straight guys.

It's probably because you're only 17.

I'd be inclined to agree with this but I do see your point

I know I'm only 17, but there're kids that've lost their virginity long time ago and on their 4th girlfriend/boyfriend.

I'm not condoning sluts and changing boyfriends more than you change your underwear. I don't want to be a whore or have several boyfriends. It's only interesting that they've done so much stuff sexually and romantically while I've yet to receive a hug.

I hope when I go to college, more opportunities open up.

where do you live. i'm gonna come hug you.

Étoile · 10th Apr 2010, 12:31 PM

Aw, I don't want to come off as a whiny, attention whore. LOL

A medium-sized city in Georgia. I'd gladly receive that hug

but I'm a long, long way from Orange County, CA. :P

For straight people, it's easier. If a guy's interested, all he needs to do is ask the girl out.

If we're interested, we have to first see if he's gay or bi, wrack up the nerve to test the waters, and if he is gay, hope he likes you.

Bryan90 · 11th Apr 2010, 12:31 PM

I am not too sure about this, but this can be a factor as well:

Look at it statistically, how many straight guys are single and without sex? Probably a lot, right? Just that you don't notice them. The percentage of straight guys who are single and without sex would probably not be too different from the percentage of gay guys who are single and without sex.

Our brain just tricks us into thinking that way because the population size of straight guys and gay guys are quite different.

British Lad · 14th Apr 2010, 06:47 AM

I go to college and i only know 1 gay guy there and my best mate is Bi but he is dont attactive at all. I dont think i even have a dating pool but I do know a gay couple and if they split for some reason I try and get some ass MHAHAHAHAHAHA (but relealy i wish them all the best) it is lonely were I live even though I am in a big city. looks like it is the waiting game for me.

gamnrd · 14th Apr 2010, 08:05 AM

yeah being gay can make finding a date a whole lot more complicated, because more often then not if you have a crush on a guy their probably straight

it would be so much easier if the whole world were bi then you'd at least have a chance with any guy or girl, instead of oh their straight it will never happen

Ty · 14th Apr 2010, 09:14 AM

Nothing wrong with being a slut.

Étoile · 14th Apr 2010, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ty

Nothing wrong with being a slut.

Except STDs, hurt feelings, and confusion.

9th Apr 2010, 04:45 PM	#1
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? At my high school, straight people are in and out of relationships. But I've yet to have one. Now, I know it's probably based on a number of other reasons, but I wonder if it's mainly because I'm gay. There're a lot less gay guys at my school than straight guys. Are we more often the ones without a boyfriend/girlfriend and without sex? Wouldn't we have less opportunities than straight people because they're less of us? I keep telling myself they're other fish in the sea but my sea is a puddle compared to the ocean of my straight friends. I should lower my expectations in finding a boyfriend, especially with where I live and peoples' attitudes on what's attractive. __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

9th Apr 2010, 05:47 PM	#2
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? Well I think you have a point. At least for most areas. I know I live in a small region. Well, ok... it might seem large to some, but the city I'm currently in consists mostly of older gays and lesbians (30+) so my dating pool is really limited, unless I drive an hour or two to a city where there are possibly people my age... Possibly.. I'm fortunate though, and I currently have an amazing girlfriend. However, I remember when I was single, it was so hard to meet someone. SO hard. I mostly flirted it up on dating sites since the gay organizations and events in my region consist of mostly older lesbian and bisexual women, so everyone my age was likely on the internet or lived 100s of km away. Yes, we have a smaller dating pool. Yes, there are chances that your ex, will be an ex of your future girlfriend's. "It's a small world after all..." comes to mind sometimes. However, once you get older, if you want to have a larger dating pool, and to swim to the ocean of potential dates, I'd pack your bags and move to a larger city. From what I've seen, that's how most LGBT people find more potential matches. It's unfortunate, but it's what we've got to do I guess. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

9th Apr 2010, 05:49 PM	#3
Austin Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Most people in my life. Location: Orange County, California, USA Age: 19 Posts: 1,790 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? Men are naturally more sexual than women. So I'm sure it's less hard, or equally as hard for a gay guy to find another willing gay guy than a straight man to find a willing women. Especially with the internet. That being said, there's less gay guys so obviously less options, and probably more single gay men. Especially in high school. Don't worry about it too much, you don't even need a relation at this point in your life, you only think you do. __________________ Can I sail through the changing ocean tides, can I handle the seasons of my life?

9th Apr 2010, 06:21 PM	#6
Zach1992 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Guys Out Status: Out to friends, some family, & those who ask! Location: New York (State, not city) Age: 21 Posts: 1,171 Join Date: Jan 2010	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? There are only 3 gays in my school. Me & 2 others. Only one of them I find enticing, but he seems to show no interest. I think in High School the single & without sex for gays is more common because there aren't many of us. That pool gets even smaller when your own interests come into play. Once we're out in the world & college..... well there is a reason gays are often stereotyped as promiscuous. __________________ "Sex shouldn't be COMFY!!!"- Lola (Kinky Boots)

9th Apr 2010, 06:50 PM	#7
Kenko EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few friends + parents Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 1,407 Join Date: Jan 2007	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? Because they're not sluts in highschool like the straights? __________________ Some of us are at different harmonics, but we all have the same fundamental frequency.

9th Apr 2010, 07:46 PM	#8
Brandford Friendly Misanthrope Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: everyone that asks,my mom (i think) and my sister Location: Woodbridge, VA Age: 19 Posts: 6,656 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? I agree, I've never even been on a date. The only times I've had the opportunity for a date was with girls. But hopefully when I go to Connecticut for college I will find more options.

10th Apr 2010, 12:31 PM	#12
Étoile He ate my heart Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: 95% Gay, 5% Cheesecake Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The Peach State Age: 20 Posts: 1,575 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? Aw, I don't want to come off as a whiny, attention whore. LOL A medium-sized city in Georgia. I'd gladly receive that hug but I'm a long, long way from Orange County, CA. :P For straight people, it's easier. If a guy's interested, all he needs to do is ask the girl out. If we're interested, we have to first see if he's gay or bi, wrack up the nerve to test the waters, and if he is gay, hope he likes you. __________________ "I love that lavender blonde; the way she moves, the way she walks, I touch myself, can't get enough."

11th Apr 2010, 12:31 PM	#13
Bryan90 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Location: Toronto, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 668 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? I am not too sure about this, but this can be a factor as well: Look at it statistically, how many straight guys are single and without sex? Probably a lot, right? Just that you don't notice them. The percentage of straight guys who are single and without sex would probably not be too different from the percentage of gay guys who are single and without sex. Our brain just tricks us into thinking that way because the population size of straight guys and gay guys are quite different. __________________ "But only in their dreams can man be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be." - John Keating, Dead Poets Society

14th Apr 2010, 06:47 AM	#14
British Lad EC Biggest Tarantino fan Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: As bent as a roundabout Out Status: What Closet Location: West Midlands Posts: 1,275 Join Date: Apr 2010	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? I go to college and i only know 1 gay guy there and my best mate is Bi but he is dont attactive at all. I dont think i even have a dating pool but I do know a gay couple and if they split for some reason I try and get some ass MHAHAHAHAHAHA (but relealy i wish them all the best) it is lonely were I live even though I am in a big city. looks like it is the waiting game for me. __________________ Who ever sayed "Ignorance is bliss" was a moron.

14th Apr 2010, 08:05 AM	#15
gamnrd GN Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: My parents and a few of my friends Know Location: Ontario Age: 21 Posts: 31 Join Date: Apr 2010	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? yeah being gay can make finding a date a whole lot more complicated, because more often then not if you have a crush on a guy their probably straight it would be so much easier if the whole world were bi then you'd at least have a chance with any guy or girl, instead of oh their straight it will never happen

14th Apr 2010, 09:14 AM	#16
Ty Mints ribbed for her pleasure Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oxford, t'South, UK Age: 19 Posts: 305 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Are gays more prone to being single and without sex? Nothing wrong with being a slut. __________________ Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.