Fed up with online dating / fakers

Yeesh. I just signed up on a dating site for the first time ever, and your stories make me want to run and hide. I've made a point of saying on my profile that I only want to be friends first, though, which will hopefully avoid some of the pressure? *shrug*

I definitely agree with you that it sucks for people to hide behind technology, but as a shy person who doesn't like to make other people feel bad, I can also understand why people do that kind of thing. It does show a bit of emotional immaturity, though.

I hope you find better luck soon. You sound like a good guy.

 

That really is a cowardly thing for them to have done. You seem like a very nice person so don't worry about it I'm sure you'll find someone but like you said it does require patience. I think you're very brave for meeting people online, I think you're doing all you can though by putting yourself out there. You just have to wait for the right person to come along and don't worry I'm sure that person will come along.

 

Well, actually I try not to have expectations - in fact, I put "friends first, no expectations" on my profile. It's hard for me to meet other LGBT people where I live, so if I do end up simply making some connections with some cool people I'm happy with that too. Usually when I do end up dating someone (which is rare), it's only after I've known them for a while and have made a connection as friends. But thanks for your point of view on that.

And yes, the best things are worth waiting for.

 

I dont think you should give up although I understand that these things can be frustrating but even if you were meeting these people out and about or in hobbies/interest groups you still might find that people blow hot and cold, I guess its just easier online because they can disappear without trace.

If it helps or gives you hope I met my girlfriend online (infact on EC) and she is absolutely amazing and I couldnt ask for anything more.

 

On-line dating is a fickle thing. I know several people that have met their significant other through a dating site. I also know people that can put up a profile and in less than an hour have several responses.

Me on the the other hand. I've had no luck with them. The only people that contact me are creepy old guys, most of my messages go unanswered. The few replies I get rarely go anywhere.

I'll also be honest and admit that it is me. I just not that good at communication with others, especially with starting a conversation. If there is a conversation already established I can usually add something meaning. Getting one started, well that is a skill that eludes my mastery. I'm ok with that.

 

I'm sorry you had to experience that. Gawd though, I know exactly what you're talking about. How many times have I experienced scuzballs and every sort of idiotic man on dating sites >_>. Me I use Plenty of Fish which is worse in my opinion. Many guys on there you'll message and they'll just delete your message after reading it. You'll have guys who actually laugh at you for messaging them (and I'm not ugly so frankly them laughing is absolutely messed up). And you also get lovely idiots who just play with your emotions, go out with you for five months, and then dump you >_>

I just give up with online frankly...

 

Yikes!

Actually, my only online dating experiences went the route of "dated" for a long time and my significant other turned out to be batshit crazy.

My first was a boy, back when i wasnt sure if I was straight or not. We met on an MMORPG site, and began "dating" two years later we split because I wasnt ready for sex (we were 16 at the time) and we met up a few times, but he lived very far away.

My second was a girl after I came out. We were close friends before and it was very fast, and she was very clingy and bossy and six months later i couldnt take her nagging anymore and broke up with her.

My final relationship, the one im in now is going amazingly well. We met online initially, but now we've been seeing eachother for like 2 months. I personally wouldnt scratch it off completely, but enter in with caution, theres a lot of nut jobs out there.

 

Online dating? Just be careful. On times you find cheaters/fakers.

And I'm one of those victim. Left me scarred for a few months. Felt terrible.

 

I'm curious, where does everyone go to meet people? I had a hard enough time finding an online community like this let alone finding likeminded people locally.

 

i hate online dating sites. i signed up to a few and imo they are rubbish. its something in my mind tho that other people arent genuine. think its thru my friend not having success. i also state that im looking for friends and i dont even put up pics. i think the best way to start something off is by chatting first. get to know someone before you meet em. that way it aint a complete stranger and you will feel like they are more genuine.

 

Online dating often doesn't work. A real connection can only be properly done in person.

Paysites are annoying as hell with this, mostly because I'm a college art student who is spending the money on supplies, food, rent, and the monthly CD or seasonal video game.

What's worse is that some sites don't even let you delete your profile. All you can do is delete all your information except your username. *fumes*

psst, "nice guys finish last" is also a song by cobra starship

 

Well, in a way, it’s kind of logical that people getting in contact from behind the safe screen of technology tend to break up from behind the same safe screen of technology. There’s many reasons to join up to dating sites, and being shy is one of them (and I say this as someone who was always too shy to even consider joining up to a dating side ).
Also, “technology” is relative. If you read Jane Austen, it’s full of people breaking up by letter. Probably, as soon as the smoke signals were invented, cavemen used them to break up by distance :icon_wink

Try to see the good whenever you can, though. Being annoyed won’t help future chances as you start to assume the worst before it started.

Just see it as this: both times, you had an enjoyable evening. That’s still a pretty nice deal.
While you can fault guy #1 for not saying it to your face, at least he didn’t try to avoid the matter either. He could have kept you on the line for way longer than he did. Maybe he just thought you were a nice guy (if not what he considered his type) and was afraid of disappointing you.
For guy #2, well, I have no excuses for him. But maybe he was just terminally shy when it comes to breaking off dating.

In any case, even if the dating doesn’t work out, maybe you will make some gay friends. Gay friends have more gay friends you might meet. Among those there might just be someone who it does work out with. Sometimes it may seem like the saying is true that “good guys go to heaven, bad guys go everywhere” But I’m sure that if you just keep being yourself you’ll run into someone that can appreciate that!

 

(*hug*)

Well in a way, I guess it's a good thing that you feel so frustrated over the examples provided. I guess it probably means that you really cared a lot and took it seriously; at least serious enough to leave 2 voicemail and 3 texts :icon_wink

Though I guess you would have figured out by now that not everybody takes it as seriously as you do. I guess it wouldn't be surprising if they go through like 10 dates in 2 weeks and don't take each of those too seriously.

But I guess from what I have observed, it's the people like you who take it seriously and not give up who end up in very happy relationships.. :icon_wink

 

I like this way of looking at things.

 

My experience with online dating is that most people there are only looking for sex (there are a few exceptions though). Building up a relationship is on a lot deeper level than through online communication. You have to accept a person for who they are not what they list them as.

I've met people through the internet some nice and some not. I'm not sure if ######### is a good website (I haven't tried it though), maybe you should try ####### or gaydar?

But from my personal experience it's a lot better to meet people in real life. You can join an LGBT club if it's available in your area. Even if you don't find a date immediately you will make real life friends that might know someone who is compatible with you