Why is it we have this need to feel needed? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Revan · 9th May 2010, 08:07 PM

I've been thinking a lot and I don't know, I've been finding that we all have this need to feel needed. Why is it that so many of us feel we need someone not necessarily to be happy, but just for the whole companionship and such. I may know these days I don't need a boyfriend to be happy, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like one just for the benefits of a boyfriend. Someone to love, someone who loves you, someone to hang with, someone to treat, someone who treats you, and someone who knows you so completely. Why is this? Why do we need this sort of thing?

**Lexington** · 9th May 2010, 08:23 PM

You know how tough it is to raise your hand in class if you're the only one who doesn't "get" something, or if you have an opposing viewpoint? But as long as you have that one other person who feels the same way, it makes it SO much easier? It's the same sort of idea. We're getting confirmation that we're on the right track. And that makes things easier.

+ YouTube Video

Lex

Revan · 9th May 2010, 08:35 PM

Hmm good point. What does everyone else think?

HalfInsane · 10th May 2010, 01:49 AM

I'd say on a very basic level, humans are a social species. As such, we are inclined to not only look after both our own interests and well being, but also the interests and well being of others. Being/feeling needed by someone, fits the bill of being able to look out for another person nicely. Additionally, most people crave a purpose in life, and caring for someone or something can help satisfy that, too.

Possibly Maybe · 10th May 2010, 03:30 AM

Antropologically speaking, Humans are a gregarious animals. that means, we need each other to be happy. *nerd smilie*

Bryan90 · 10th May 2010, 08:08 AM

Like the previous posters pointed out, I am inclined to believe that it is an evolutionary desire.

Though, it was just four months ago, I embarked on an experiment to bypass this particular evolutionary need. (I have this "thing" where I attempt to bypass and take control of as many desire as possible). In case you want to perform the experiment yourself, I'll outline what I did:

Notion:

1. The system in question is a very old system, it is debatable that we need close companionship to "survive" (physically) these days.

2. Our brain has the ability to make us happy irrespective of physical stimulus

Based on the two above notion, the experiment was to create an imaginary companion so real as to eliminate the desire to seek real companions and seek approval from real companions...

Revan · 10th May 2010, 12:26 PM

That does make a bit more sense. The only problem I had with Possibly Maybe and HalfInsane's ideas (no offense guys at all) is that if we want to care for someone, I'd say get a job at a retirement home or something. I'm a personal support worker and I help a boy with autism, but does that mean I feel the way I want to be? No. That's why I find Lex's and your (Bryan) opinions. Again no offense to Half or Possibly, you guys make a good point, just there is a little opening there that that could easily be misconstrued of just like saying "become a doctor and then you'll feel needed".

fragomatrick · 10th May 2010, 01:26 PM

I agree with the Londoner ! However, I feel that you should always have one person to talk to about anything (not your psychiatrist! trust me, they are there only to hurt you more....) Besides, in my case my need to feel needed came from not accepting certain aspects of life, that were bothering me so much to the point , that i almost lost it! so, for me this feeling of being needed came to an end after accepting all the ugly truths of my life....But i still believe that psychiatrists suck!

**Meropspusillus** · 10th May 2010, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fragomatrick

I agree with the Londoner ! However, I feel that you should always have one person to talk to about anything (not your psychiatrist! trust me, they are there only to hurt you more....) Besides, in my case my need to feel needed came from not accepting certain aspects of life, that were bothering me so much to the point , that i almost lost it! so, for me this feeling of being needed came to an end after accepting all the ugly truths of my life....But i still believe that psychiatrists suck!

Sounds like you were seeing a bad psychiatrist. The last advice you want to give anyone with emotional troubles is that they shouldn't seek professional help, that's not saying everyone needs a psychiatrist for the smallest problems, but there are great psychiatrists out there whose job it is to make you feel better.

malachite · 10th May 2010, 07:40 PM

A long time ago all people had 2 heads and 4 legs...then the Gods threw down thunderbolts and split everyone in half. Then all people had 1 head and 2 legs, but the seperation left a desperate yerning to be reunited.

Revan · 11th May 2010, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by malachite

A long time ago all people had 2 heads and 4 legs...then the Gods threw down thunderbolts and split everyone in half. Then all people had 1 head and 2 legs, but the seperation left a desperate yerning to be reunited.

Haha, love it

Bryan90 · 11th May 2010, 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by malachite

A long time ago all people had 2 heads and 4 legs...then the Gods threw down thunderbolts and split everyone in half. Then all people had 1 head and 2 legs, but the seperation left a desperate yerning to be reunited.

But but... what about those who want a three-way relationship?

4 seat · 11th May 2010, 01:20 PM

I know that when I sleep, I NEED something to be in my arms. When I fall asleep, 99% of the time I'll wake up with something/someone in my arms. Usually on my right side. Guy, girl, pillow, even sometimes when I would nap, my roommate's dog(pit bull) would come and sleep right next to me, haha. But, I know that a lot of my male friends have told me that when they sleep, they need to hold or hug something too. I think it has to do with our desire to be needed, at least when we sleep, the time of day when we're most vulnerable. It's instinctual, you know? Plus, cuddling feels amazing.....

malachite · 11th May 2010, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bryan90

Quote:

Originally Posted by malachite

A long time ago all people had 2 heads and 4 legs...then the Gods threw down thunderbolts and split everyone in half. Then all people had 1 head and 2 legs, but the seperation left a desperate yerning to be reunited.

But but... what about those who want a three-way relationship?

I said you wanted to be reunited...I never said with only one person.

riot99 · 12th May 2010, 06:00 AM

I think it has a lot to do with the need to have someone there no matter what. Like without sounding like "using" someone, it helps to know that whatever goes wrong in your life that you will have someone there for you. This comes with being in a relationship and maybe the advantage between that and seeing people or going on dates? If we don't have the confidence to make ourselves feel better than we all appreciate someone to do it for us

9th May 2010, 08:07 PM	#1
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: M for MEEP! Orientation: Mutant and Proud Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 24 Posts: 6,564 Join Date: Jun 2005	Why is it we have this need to feel needed? I've been thinking a lot and I don't know, I've been finding that we all have this need to feel needed. Why is it that so many of us feel we need someone not necessarily to be happy, but just for the whole companionship and such. I may know these days I don't need a boyfriend to be happy, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like one just for the benefits of a boyfriend. Someone to love, someone who loves you, someone to hang with, someone to treat, someone who treats you, and someone who knows you so completely. Why is this? Why do we need this sort of thing? __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself.

9th May 2010, 08:35 PM	#3
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: M for MEEP! Orientation: Mutant and Proud Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 24 Posts: 6,564 Join Date: Jun 2005	Re: Why is it we have this need to feel needed? Hmm good point. What does everyone else think? __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself.

10th May 2010, 01:49 AM	#4
HalfInsane EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Everyone Location: BC, Canada Age: 20 Posts: 400 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: Why is it we have this need to feel needed? I'd say on a very basic level, humans are a social species. As such, we are inclined to not only look after both our own interests and well being, but also the interests and well being of others. Being/feeling needed by someone, fits the bill of being able to look out for another person nicely. Additionally, most people crave a purpose in life, and caring for someone or something can help satisfy that, too.

10th May 2010, 03:30 AM	#5
Possibly Maybe EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Location: Europe Age: 26 Posts: 1,658 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: Why is it we have this need to feel needed? Antropologically speaking, Humans are a gregarious animals. that means, we need each other to be happy. nerd smilie __________________ Member of the Royal Society of Putting Things on Top of Other Things

10th May 2010, 08:08 AM	#6
Bryan90 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Location: Toronto, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 668 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: Why is it we have this need to feel needed? Like the previous posters pointed out, I am inclined to believe that it is an evolutionary desire. Though, it was just four months ago, I embarked on an experiment to bypass this particular evolutionary need. (I have this "thing" where I attempt to bypass and take control of as many desire as possible). In case you want to perform the experiment yourself, I'll outline what I did: Notion: 1. The system in question is a very old system, it is debatable that we need close companionship to "survive" (physically) these days. 2. Our brain has the ability to make us happy irrespective of physical stimulus Based on the two above notion, the experiment was to create an imaginary companion so real as to eliminate the desire to seek real companions and seek approval from real companions... __________________ "But only in their dreams can man be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be." - John Keating, Dead Poets Society

10th May 2010, 12:26 PM	#7
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: M for MEEP! Orientation: Mutant and Proud Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 24 Posts: 6,564 Join Date: Jun 2005	Re: Why is it we have this need to feel needed? That does make a bit more sense. The only problem I had with Possibly Maybe and HalfInsane's ideas (no offense guys at all) is that if we want to care for someone, I'd say get a job at a retirement home or something. I'm a personal support worker and I help a boy with autism, but does that mean I feel the way I want to be? No. That's why I find Lex's and your (Bryan) opinions. Again no offense to Half or Possibly, you guys make a good point, just there is a little opening there that that could easily be misconstrued of just like saying "become a doctor and then you'll feel needed". __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself.

10th May 2010, 01:26 PM	#8
fragomatrick Perpetually Bored! Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Age: 21 Posts: 732 Join Date: Jan 2010	Re: Why is it we have this need to feel needed? I agree with the Londoner ! However, I feel that you should always have one person to talk to about anything (not your psychiatrist! trust me, they are there only to hurt you more....) Besides, in my case my need to feel needed came from not accepting certain aspects of life, that were bothering me so much to the point , that i almost lost it! so, for me this feeling of being needed came to an end after accepting all the ugly truths of my life....But i still believe that psychiatrists suck! __________________ The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

10th May 2010, 07:40 PM	#10
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Why is it we have this need to feel needed? A long time ago all people had 2 heads and 4 legs...then the Gods threw down thunderbolts and split everyone in half. Then all people had 1 head and 2 legs, but the seperation left a desperate yerning to be reunited. __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.

11th May 2010, 01:20 PM	#13
4 seat EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Irvine, CA Age: 25 Posts: 320 Join Date: Oct 2009	Re: Why is it we have this need to feel needed? I know that when I sleep, I NEED something to be in my arms. When I fall asleep, 99% of the time I'll wake up with something/someone in my arms. Usually on my right side. Guy, girl, pillow, even sometimes when I would nap, my roommate's dog(pit bull) would come and sleep right next to me, haha. But, I know that a lot of my male friends have told me that when they sleep, they need to hold or hug something too. I think it has to do with our desire to be needed, at least when we sleep, the time of day when we're most vulnerable. It's instinctual, you know? Plus, cuddling feels amazing.....

12th May 2010, 06:00 AM	#15
riot99 Newbie Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: All but family Location: Peterborough Posts: 2 Join Date: May 2010	Re: Why is it we have this need to feel needed? I think it has a lot to do with the need to have someone there no matter what. Like without sounding like "using" someone, it helps to know that whatever goes wrong in your life that you will have someone there for you. This comes with being in a relationship and maybe the advantage between that and seeing people or going on dates? If we don't have the confidence to make ourselves feel better than we all appreciate someone to do it for us

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
How to Manage and Stop Self Injuring Behavior	xxAngelOnFirexx	Support and Advice	26	9th Sep 2011 01:07 PM
Advice Needed	Kinuki	Support and Advice	32	16th Jul 2011 07:27 PM
I feel a break down coming on. :/	Mind Freak	Support and Advice	6	10th Mar 2009 08:53 AM
I feel the need to ...	johnny11	Support and Advice	11	7th May 2008 04:47 PM
Clarity has come, I feel guilt. [UGH!!]	InaRut	Support and Advice	11	5th Nov 2007 08:00 AM