Getting REALLY Pissed Off at Gay Men

[Revan]

Hey everyone, so just to prelude, I'm sorry if this offends some of you as it likely will. It's a rant plain and simple and I ask that you don't take it completely seriously but respond if you'd like.

Anyway, I am getting so freaking sick and tired of gay men these days. Why is it that so many gay men cannot commit to a freaking relationship? I've had five boyfriends and every one of them has lasted less than 6 months. Now I know many of you will say "oh you're still young, it'll get better" and maybe it will for me, but how many times have I heard of guys sleeping around on their boyfriends, hell I found out one guy who I liked was sleeping with me when he HAD a boyfriend. He of course decided not to tell me until after we had sex about this little piece of information >_>. It seems these days in our society, the number of monogamous homosexual men is like finding a needle in a haystack. Whereas it almost seems that it's like finding a steel girder in a haystack when it comes to trying to find a monogamous homosexual woman. The amount of female relationships I hear about with no cheating is many.

So I can't help but wonder, why is this? Are we just conditioned to cheat because we like sex? I realize it could easily apply to hetero relationships too, but frankly the fact is, most gay men can rarely commit it seems. Hell it's even the same thing in media portrayal of gays. Women settle down, men sleep around.

I apologize for offending people, I know there are some gay men on here in perfectly monogamous homosexual male and female relationships, but I've just noticedi n my area (Toronto/London) that's just not the case.

[Shevanel]

Sexuality doesn't affect the tendency to cheat.

[Revan]

Hence why i said it can easily be applied to straight men too lol. I'm just saying right now it's gay men I'm pissed at >_> cuz they're the ones I'd be dating.

[Emberstone]

weird, because in one of the scandinavian countries, they found gay men have a lower rate of divorce and most heterosexuals, but gay woman have the highest rate of divorce of all.

[Revan]

Again, what I've noticed and experienced.....

[starfish]

Question where are you meeting said men?

[Owen]

Having never been in a sexual relationship myself, I can only conjecture on this topic, but I will still try. What I know is that our society (American society; I don't know whether it is different where you live) raises men and women to have different attitudes towards sex. Women are constantly told while growing up that they should never let a man force them into having sex, while men are told that if a woman says no, that's it, sex isn't going to happen. The reverse never happens: men are rarely if ever told that they can say no to a woman, and women are rarely if ever told that if a man says no, that's it, sex isn't going to happen. Thus the decision of when sex happens ultimately lies in the hands of the woman, while men are conditioned and pressured to accept sex whenever offered.

How does this apply to gay relationships? Well, put two men together, who have probably never been taught how to say no to sex (unless they had really good parents), and if they are both horny, they are likely to have sex. After all, they have been conditioned by their society to have sex if it is offered, so if they both want to have sex, there's no woman in the equation to stop them. Thus I think that men are more likely to sleep around because they aren't encouraged to say no to sex, while women are, and if you take the woman out of the equation, sex simply becomes more likely.

There's also the evolutionary aspect of it: we are biologically conditioned to spread our genes as far and wide as possible. Such widespread procreation allows for more diversity in the species, and diversity makes survival more likely. Because women are taught to be more prudent about having sex, I'd imagine that they are more able to sublimate those urges than men are. As such, take a woman out of the equation, and the desire to spread our seed far and wide goes unchecked.

Ultimately, though, even though society and evolution may be the cause of men's inability to commit, the true reason behind it is the weakness of character of the men who cheat. If women are able to not say yes to sex whenever it is offered, there's no reason we can't, even though our society has raised us to believe we shouldn't. After all, our society raised us to believe we should date women, but we ignore that, so why can't we ignore the pressure to sleep around? In the end, I think men cheat because they would rather take the easy way out than overcome the societal pressures and evolutionary drives that lead them to do so.

[Bryan90]

Yeah... I am guilty as charged... Though not sexually though... I just tend to get bored of the person after like a few months...

I am trying to figure out why

People say it's just because I haven't found the right one yet... :S

[British Lad]

I have not been in a relationship yet but I will try monogames relsionship with him and If he cheats I will show him the door.

Originally Posted by starfish

Question where are you meeting said men?

Good question. Another good question is what kind of men do you usually go for.

It's difficult to fix others so that they will remain committed, but one thing that you do have some control over is who you are going for and what kind of relationships you are getting into. Try to see if there is anything that you can change to increase the likelihood of finding a committed loving relationship. They do exist, I promise.


(I just wanted to make it clear that I am not trying to put any of the blame on you for the problems you have had with relationships. I know I am saying to look what is going on with you, but I don't mean to imply that you are doing anything wrong or are the one at fault. Given the information provided though, this advice just seemed practical.)

[Lexington]

Many young people just enjoy playing the field. And many gay men of all ages feel that monogamy is an artificial construct, left over from centuries of patriarchal uncertainty. They see absolutely no reason to "settle down", and once in relationships, they see absolutely no need to make them exclusive. They consider sex to be a fun activity, nothing more, and therefore consider it silly to restrict it to one person for the rest of their lives.

This isn't to say they're right and you're wrong. You just have different takes on it. And the real issue isn't that these guys you're dating aren't monogamous - it's that you think they are. How do you keep it from happening? You check beforehand. You make it clear that you're looking to get into a mutually monogamous relationship, and if they're not interested in that, they're better off looking elsewhere. You also don't jump into bed as soon as you meet. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but if you're looking for someone who wants to be committed, I'm betting those that push things straight towards the bedroom are going to be less likely to be so.

Lex

[Kano]

Oh my gosh I know what you mean that happens to me I hate it

[Revan]

I'm in the London area of Ontario. And I generally am looking for guys who want monogamous relationship. I say it right from the beginning that I want mutually monogamous, no cheating or they're out of the door >_> I don't really have a type preference either, I go with who I'm attracted to who also fits the no cheating rule and the "sweet, kind, caring" attitude....yet that still isn't working. I should be clear, I haven't been cheated on, all my boyfriends never cheated on me, though one boyfriend a week before my relationship with him ended he asked for an open relationship, I thought maybe this is just a phase thing and he'll realize it's not what he wants, and a week later he dumps me and a week after that STARTS DATING MY EX-BOYFRIEND BEFORE HIM! (this was more a factor that I was friends with them at the time and they went for three months without telling me)...anyway...aside from that idiot, no one's cheated on me but I have had friends who's partners cheated on them, and I know one guy who like i told you cheated on his partner with me and I felt so scummy after that >_>

[HazMattic_Force]

I want a older guy because not only are they more likely to be mature but they are still really cute but I am waiting to be 18 to go after them ......I had this happen 2 tines and I still haven't "been" with a guy

[Revan]

Yeah I'm thinking myself of looking into guys close to 30 instead of 22. More mature...no I'm not saying I'm mature, so it might be hard to find a guy who'll be patient with me but w/e....

[darkcheesse]

look you cant be blamed for that one guy who was in a realtion ship you shouldn't feel bad he was a douche for not telling you. you'll one day find that certain some one you just need to be patient

[Daniel]

In my life I've had the opposite experience. It's the female homosexuals who I watch cheat and have the shortest relationships. While I've watched many relationships explode, male-male or female-female it is usually around a select few males that those relationships seem to fail the most. I can think of more monogamous male couples than female.

[Riaan]

Originally Posted by Gamer am I

Having never been in a sexual relationship myself, I can only conjecture on this topic, but I will still try. What I know is that our society (American society; I don't know whether it is different where you live) raises men and women to have different attitudes towards sex. Women are constantly told while growing up that they should never let a man force them into having sex, while men are told that if a woman says no, that's it, sex isn't going to happen. The reverse never happens: men are rarely if ever told that they can say no to a woman, and women are rarely if ever told that if a man says no, that's it, sex isn't going to happen. Thus the decision of when sex happens ultimately lies in the hands of the woman, while men are conditioned and pressured to accept sex whenever offered.

How does this apply to gay relationships? Well, put two men together, who have probably never been taught how to say no to sex (unless they had really good parents), and if they are both horny, they are likely to have sex. After all, they have been conditioned by their society to have sex if it is offered, so if they both want to have sex, there's no woman in the equation to stop them. Thus I think that men are more likely to sleep around because they aren't encouraged to say no to sex, while women are, and if you take the woman out of the equation, sex simply becomes more likely.

There's also the evolutionary aspect of it: we are biologically conditioned to spread our genes as far and wide as possible. Such widespread procreation allows for more diversity in the species, and diversity makes survival more likely. Because women are taught to be more prudent about having sex, I'd imagine that they are more able to sublimate those urges than men are. As such, take a woman out of the equation, and the desire to spread our seed far and wide goes unchecked.

Ultimately, though, even though society and evolution may be the cause of men's inability to commit, the true reason behind it is the weakness of character of the men who cheat. If women are able to not say yes to sex whenever it is offered, there's no reason we can't, even though our society has raised us to believe we shouldn't. After all, our society raised us to believe we should date women, but we ignore that, so why can't we ignore the pressure to sleep around? In the end, I think men cheat because they would rather take the easy way out than overcome the societal pressures and evolutionary drives that lead them to do so.

Very nicely put. I heard this theory before and it makes sense to me. Alas, I agree with Revan in a sense. It seems it is more difficult to find a gay guy that is content with a monogamous relationship at that age. Don't know if it's immaturity or whether they are just in that stage of their life where they wanna have fun (i.e. Fck around) .

[TheEdend]

just my thoughts, but you are complaining about guys sleeping around yet you had sex with a guy you apparently didn't know too well?

I think that is the problem right there. You are looking for a "real" relationship, but you aren't acting like it.

[Revan]

Originally Posted by TheEdend

just my thoughts, but you are complaining about guys sleeping around yet you had sex with a guy you apparently didn't know too well?

I think that is the problem right there. You are looking for a "real" relationship, but you aren't acting like it.

You're going there? Really? We're friends and go to school together and hang out sometimes. He never told me he was dating someone. One thing led to another and we had sex, then revealed he was dating someone...

So before you go insinuate or claim I'm the bad guy here, take that advice and shove it right back up your a**