Do Looks really matter?

[Nomad187]

Today I met this guy who before even saying hi stared pointing out how ugly I am. I never really cared about it but when someone just immiediatly reacts like that it hurts. I know to some people looks mean alot. To me personally they dont although a certain level of physical attraction is needed for a relationship. What are your opinions?

[Shevanel]

That's just fucked up, some sort of inner fight he probably has with his own self image that he probably tries to fix by putting others down so he feels better about himself?

Who knows.

But I think looks matter to a point. They are most definitely not everything and can be worked around if both parties are willing. But for me, looks are primarily what gets me interested in the person to begin with, mostly however, these looks are things that a person can change, as in it tells me about their personality in a sense? Like their hair.

It only makes sense in my mind, however, so don't ask me to explain it xD

[Nomad187]

It honestly hurt alot I neer really cared but this made me cry. for me looks arent important sometimes they are what gets my attention but personality is what keeps me around.

[Shevanel]

Well, like I said, the dude must certainly have his own internal struggles if he's easily publicly humiliating someone.

Honestly, I kinda feel bad for him, that he's so readily making himself available to be labeled as a total asshole. People just don't understand what they're doing anymore these days...

Oh well, for you. Most people go through what you went through though, so try not to feel alone on this, because you're not. It happened to me too.

[Nomad187]

thanks for the hug. I know it happens to other people. I didnt mean to sound like I am the only one tis has happened to and I knew it hurt I just never knew how much.

[x2x2x2x2y2]

Don't let that jerk get to you!! You're above him!!

Looks matter somewhat. I used to be a bit superficial and I only liked super hot guys. But I realized that I have a better chance of lightning striking me then dating a super hot guy. Lol

After realizing that, I started paying more attention to guys personalities, rather then looks.

[Nomad187]

I try not to think of myself better then anyone. but thanks.

It's because you live in Red Deer lol jk jk

Yeah, that guy was an asshole, don't mind him. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... Or however that saying goes. Looks does matter to a certain point but personality matters too. I can think someone is gorgeous and be totally turned off by their personality or vise versa.

[Nomad187]

wanna fight Mr. Calgary? lol I agree with you

[Bryan90]

Well, the world is diverse right? Different people tend to look for different things. Some has "physical attractiveness" on their list than the others.

I guess we'd just have to try our best to look for people who look for the same things as we do. And in the mean time I guess try our best not to feel hurt when we bump into some others who tend think lesser of us?

And Toronto wins btw...

[Mogget]

That sort of random comment is among the most crushing out there. I remember feeling similarly when a guy randomly stopped me on a run to berate my clothing. Someone just saying, "Even though I don't know you, I feel qualified both to judge you and to tell you my judgment" is just so beyond acceptable standards that we naturally feel like we must be completely horrible-looking (or dressed in my case). But really, they're just being assholes.

I think looks do matter in our choice of partners (I have a friend who believes it affects our choice of friends and, sadly, she's probably right), and moreso than we like to admit. But they're certainly not the only factor.

[x2x2x2x2y2]

Originally Posted by Nomad187

I try not to think of myself better then anyone. but thanks.

Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that. lol But you get my point. Don't let him get to you!!

[Nomad187]

I got what you were trying to say and it was sweet and I appreciate it

[Markio]

I'm pretty sure that we do indeed live in a society that values a certain image of what "beautiful" and "acceptable" are. These idealized images hardly resemble the majority of people. I think it's healthiest to recognize that who we are is much more than our outward appearance.

For me, I think that I have a decent physique, but bad complexion. Or at least my complexion was really bad in high school, and I have the scars to prove it. How much does that say about who I am, other than what I see when I look in the mirror?

For one thing, other people see totally different things when they look at me, like my chin cleft or broad shoulders or expressive eyebrows. Other people might think I have bad posture or funny ears. Some people don't even notice that I'm left-handed for months, yet I am reminded every day when I sit at those right-handed desks. No one notices the exact same things when they look at a person, and they certainly don't all feel the same way about the same features.

For another thing, people who get to know me will have a lot more to say about me than someone who has only seen me. Like how I can sing really well, or how I don't like shouting, or how I'm shy, or fake, or whatever it is that people learn from interacting with me. People are not just attracted to someone's appearance. There's also having similar interests and having a sense of humor. That's why people talk during dates instead of just staring at each other.

And lastly, whatever other people may think of you, it is never as important as what you see in yourself. People can call you ugly all day long, and it won't matter until you start to believe what they say. It's totally normal to feel hurt sometimes by what other people say about us, but a good form of resistance is to remind yourself that they don't know you as well as you know yourself, or that they're just projecting their insecurities on you so they don't have to deal with their own problems.

If someone starts a conversation with "Wow, you're ugly," some good responses would be:
"Wow, you're blind!"
"Ouch."
"You're welcome?"
"If I'm not your taste, go lick someone else."

[x2x2x2x2y2]

^loved the last two.

[malachite]

we like to think that looks aren't a big deal, but the truth is they are.

That guy is a dick and has no excuse for actting that way.

[SaturdaySaviour]

People like that guy have the urge to make someone feel bad in order to make themselves feel better. Looks matter just as much as the first impression, and that guy failed.

[Aoifeee]

That guy was either jealous or insecure, or both. One thing's for sure though.. He's a DOUCHE! XD

I usually don't fall for people because of their looks, but I wouldn't be able to fall for somebody I didn't find physically attractive.

Whoever did that to you is clearly not worthy of your time.
While you said it yourself, attractiveness isn't such a big deal for you, but you also said that a certain level of attraction is needed for a relationship. You just need to find someone who likes you for who you are and that person who flat-out insulted you, is completely shallow.

[Lexington]

I met my partner online. And this was before webcams and even before "e-mail me your picture" was something available to the general public. We eventually moved from computer to phone, but again, nothing visual. And I was already pretty sure I was interested in him before I ever saw what he looked like. When I finally did see him, it did nothing more than give me a visual representation to go along with the person I had already developed an interest in. So I can very firmly state that looks don't matter much to me.

My personal experience is that looks can be a boon (or a handicap). An attractive guy can get somebody interested from across the room, which is something an average guy won't be able to do. This doesn't mean they're destined to live alone, though. They just have to get people interested the slow way - they have to interact with them, form a bond, and eventually they'll notice "Hey, this guy is pretty cool".

Lex