So I was at an alumni tailgate tonight after our college's football game and one of the alumni (82 graduate) had a really good looking daughter. So my friends and I were sitting around talking and drinking and she came over and introduced herself and sat down. She happened to be sitting next to me. For the most part she just listened to our conversation, but then one of the guys got up and said he was going to get another beer and did anyone else want another beer or maybe some wine. I said jumped on the wine option because I prefer wine over beer any day. So I got up to go get the wine and this girl followed me. When we got over to the coolers she said "I'm glad there is another wine-drinker here", "by the way my name is ******." I told her my name and by that time we'd found the wine but couldn't find a corkskrew to open it with. We were actually at someone's house in their yard since they lived near the stadium and she seemed to know the house, she said I'll be right back with glasses, and I said I'd continue to look for the corkskrew. We didn't find one, but managed to get the bottle open anyway. We sat back down at the table with the rest of my friends (group of about 6) and she and I started talking. We talked about some childhood experiences and then talked about where she went to college and what she was doin now. She said she lived in DC, I told her I liked DC, but I'd always be a NYC girl. We continued talking for a little longer and then I got pulled into a debate my friends were having. Shortly after that she ended up leaving with her family and I left with my friends. I really wish I could have talked to her longer. Obviously, this did not go anywhere, nor do I know if it would have if we had talked longer. I didn't get the feeling she was gay, but then you never know. My problem is that even though I was able to talk to her without spazing out I still couldn't maintain eye contact. I hate that, anytime there is a girl I like I can't look her in the eye for very long (which probably makes me seem like I have some sort of problem) because I get nervous that she'll be able to tell I like her.:bang: I'm no good at this whole flirting thing, I just don't pick up on it nor am I able to do it. I'm trying to remind myself when I'm out that I need to put myself out there more, but I get too nervous about the girl figuring out that I like her. Obviously that defeats the point. I think I get nervous because I tend to like straight (or at least straight-acting/looking) girls and I don't want to scare them or worry them by flirting, that and I'm normally around my friends when I'm out and none that I hang out with know about me. So basically I suck at flirting and playing that whole game. Anyone else have any experience with this and have any advice? I could go to gay clubs, but I don't want to go alone and I'm not completely sure it would be legal for me to do seeing as I'm in the military. Anyways, any advice would be appreciated. Sorry this turned out to be so long.
Well, I don't think she is gonna be that weird out when she found out that you are liking her. I mean, even super popular girl singer is making out in the pool with another girl in these days:rolleyes: Some people are good at flirting but some don't so you don't really have to try. I mean if you want to that's fine too though. You can touch her shoulder when she said something you agree like "OMG, I know" and touch. Or like if you and her can go to shopping then you can walk arm in arm with her...I suppose I mean girls always to that kind stuff right? Since I'm not in the military, I have no idea if it's ok to go gay club or bar. We have a few who is in the military though I'm guessing one of them is away to Iraq now:icon_sad: Anyways, I'll ask one of them if he knows anything about that.
Kimi suggested I provide some info on gays in the military (Thanks Kimi) There is no problem with visiting a gay bar. The problem comes in when homosexual behavior is involved. A hug or a kiss could already be defined as homosexual behavior. I recommend reading the DOD policy on homosexual conduct. Here a few excerpts: What constitutes Homosexual Conduct: •statement; •act; or •marriage between the same sex. Statement: •can be conveyed through language or behavior; •indicates a propensity or intent to engage in homosexual acts; and •is rebuttable. ACTS -any bodily contact: •actively undertaken or passively permitted, between persons of the same sex for the purpose of satisfying sexual desires; and •that a reasonable person would understand to demonstrate a propensity or intent to engage in an act described above. What behaviors are NOT homosexual acts as defined by the DoD Policy? Associational Behavior. Examples of associational behavior include: •associating with known homosexuals; •marching in a gay rights rally in civilian clothes; •possessing or reading homosexual publications; and •going to a gay bar, etc. Summary of DoD Policy •Sexual Orientation is a private/personal matter. •Conduct determines suitability for service. •Homosexual Conduct (S A M) is justification for administrative separation. Also read the section on homosexual conduct in AR 600–20 • 7 June 2006 page 27 As a civilian in the Army, I have little to fear and I’m out to my boss. But as a soldier, visiting gay bars can be risky business if you have enemies or homophobic friends. I’m hoping with the next administration, the policies will change. Until then, caution is advised.
I feel the EXACT same way!! If I'm around a girl I find attractive, I feel awkward sometimes too. I don't want to give too much eye contact because I'm afraid they'll know I'm interested in them....but if you look away too much, they'll think something's wrong with you or don't want to talk to them. Aagghhh!! So frustrating! :bang: I can't give much advice on how to improve flirting with girls, because I'm not the best at it either. But I've found that a bit of eye contact, using your sense of humour (easier to do in group situations), & just being yourself works. Although I can see the difficulty you face in group situations if your friends don't know. Have you thought about telling them, or are you concerned with possible repercussions because of your military position? It's great you found someone interesting to talk to & she sounded really nice. But it's not easy to tell someone's sexuality by looking at them. I would consider myself to be fairly straight looking/acting (not a stereotypical lesbian), so it can be hard if you're interested, but don't want them freaking out if they're straight. All I can suggest is to be yourself, & look for any hints as to whether they seem interested as well. Or if you want to get a bit more out there, start giving hints about your orientation. When people ask me about having a boyfriend, etc, I generally reply with "I'm still looking for the right person" and look at them & give a bit of a smile & look away. It doesn't exactly 'out' you to them, but it makes them think. I've even just bought a small badge that says "It's a matter of Pride" with a multicoloured rainbow. So there are subtle ways you can at least let them think about your preference without confirming anything.
Thanks for the advice guys. And thank you Lorenz for the military info. I have read through some of the military's ridiculous policy, but I'm still worried. If I get kicked out of my college for this and have to pay the govt back for what they have already spent on my education I'll be in debt the rest of my life. I already went through with the committment and signed the papers, so they can nail me to the wall if they found reason to. The problem is I did this before I realized my orientation. I was at the SLDN website and I already found out that my posting in this forum is actually grounds for expulsion since I'm working off of a govt sanctioned computer. The problem is I don't want to stop being a member of EC its the only support system I have. Well I only have to hide for 9 more months until I graduate and then I'll have a little more freedom, but then again not much. Thanks Revealed for the tips. I try to be myself, and I guess it works out that I was with my friends this weekend because I'm really more of myself when I'm around people I know. I can be funny, but most people don't appreciate my sense of humor until they get to know me. I have a very dry, sarcastic type of humor that can be hard to pick up on, I blame that on living in England for 3 years. I have definitely thrown out quite a few hints to my friends, but I have to be careful with them b/c I never know who might turn me in if they found out. They have their suspicions I know, but I can not straight out admit it, at least not yet, maybe after we graduate. Anyways, thanks again for replying I appreciate the responses.
