Do YOU feel like a failure when . . . ? ('cause I do)

[Inhuman]

. . . when people instinctively pick up on the fact that you're gay/bi/les/non-straight? When it's the first thing they learn about you so it swallows up the image of you in their mind in a good way OR a bad way?

[rant] Because I do. I don't want to be ''the gay guy'' just like transgendered people don't want to be ''the tranny'' and black people don't want to be ''the [offensive word]'' and people who subscribe to christianity don't want to be ''the bible thumper''

I want to be the funny chilaxed guy who's stingy and cheap but usually pretty nice. The sciency intelligent atheist kid. The artsy fartsy guy with good taste in music, who's also gay.

I don't want to be ''the gay guy''

THATS why I feel like a failure when people instantly know once they start talking to me. That's why I'm learning to talk slower and control femmy manurisms for my new school next year

[/rant]

What do you guys think? Do you have these same opinions? It's really been on my mind lately.

PS I'm 100% out to the whole world and totally secure in myself so those are non-issues

[VampConspiracy]

The failure is not on the part of the "gay," "bi," "lesbian," "tranny," or "[bleep-bloop]." The failure lies with the people who judge and back away based on unfounded stereotypes. Wait, that's redundant... Let's just say "stereotypes."

So they pick up on the fact that you're... not of the social norm of your geographical location. It is rather bad here in the United States, where legislators apparently have nothing better to do but make stupid, idiotic laws about this.

Take this from someone who has a whole lot more than the thought of being "bi" in their mind - I'm downright "weird" and "unusual."

I really like the quote:

I want to be the funny chilaxed guy who's stingy and cheap but usually pretty nice. The sciency intelligent atheist kid. The artsy fartsy guy with good taste in music, who's also gay.

While I'm not outright gay or bi (I bet people see me as asexual...), I'm very methodical and very atheist. The taste in music... well, take my "metal, classical, and some electronic" tastes for what you will. I learned very late in the game that being who you are is important, and nobody should make you feel otherwise (unless you're a cold-blooded murderer - I highly doubt that though!).

My opinion? People can be cruel creatures, even to each other. It is even harder if you have an inane label attached to you, but with recent changes and fluctuations in society nowadays, I have faith in time. I wouldn't feel bad about what other people think - if they really do give two hoots about you, it shouldn't be a problem. If they don't - then, unfortunately, the ties may have to be broken.

[Inhuman]

@Vampire person: first off thanks for the thorough, relevant, and intelligent reply.

As a side-noted observation; you said you're somewhere around gay but more bi but then a lot of asexual (if I understood correctly). It's funny to me . . . we should discuss this because I share a lot of those same feelings. I'm rarely if ever attracted to anyone and i never ever crave sex but I call myself gay and not asexual.

''I'm very methodical and very atheist.'' yayyyyyyyyyyy

I suppose things will get better with time, but even if someone is willing to abandon stereotypes, there's still a tinnnnnnnnnnnnnny bit of stereotypes deep down inside. 90% of straight people are a litttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttle bit homophobe deep down inside even if they're totally great and support gays. Similarly, most whites are at least 1% racist and basically all religious people are a tad uncomfortable around people of other faiths or atheists.
I suppose us queers are lucky because we can bow-out of discrimination when we want to by simply acting straight. Other minorities haven't been so lucky. (race, gender, age, etc.)

In the end, people will eventually learn to deal with shit, or flush the toilet.

Yeah, totally. I'm not even flaming, but people pick up on it faster than Ron Jeremy falling off a cliff. Ugh...

[Revan]

I dunno why.....maybe it's because I've yet to be insulted or physically assaulted for being gay....but I dunno....when someone realizes I'm gay? I am proud that they figured it out.

[malachite]

then be the things you want to be, and don't allow people to treat you like the gay guy.

[timtravolta]

just do the things you want to do. it doesn't matter if people pick up on you being gay, you are out as you said. you can always be all that you want and be gay and that is okay. don't allow this people to get into you. fuck the stereotypes.

[OutToSea]

No, I don't feel like a failure. Not very many people pick up on my sexuality, but you know what, I'm actually flattered when people do. It means they're being attentive and trying to figure out about me as a person.

Why would being yourself make you a failure, exactly? Sounds like the complete opposite to me.

[Meropspusillus]

People pick up very quickly that I'm a nice person (sometimes), which is a part of who am...just like being gay is.

So no, I don't mind at all =P.

[SlickyPants]

It doesn't happen often to me but I'm always amazed that someone can derive my sexuality from the littlest things. Whatever the case is I don't usually dress in rainbows and every conversation I have isn't gay-related so most of my friends don't see me as the gay guy at all even though they know I'm queerer than a three dollar bill. Sometimes I'm that computer guy, other days I'm the space nerd and sometimes I'm the Vancouver Canucks fan that everyone loves to hate on during the playoffs.

The point is if you be yourself then your friends* will see you as you and not as "the gay guy."

*The ones that matter at least.

P.S. I'm not in any way saying that wearing rainbows and having gay ol' conversations are a bad thing but then don't be surprised that some people label you as "the gay guy." But don't feel you're a failure either.