How straight-acting are you? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

**Owen** · 1st Jul 2010, 06:07 PM

I know a lot of people on this forum don't like the phrase "straight-acting" because it implies that for a man to act masculine or a woman to act feminine is the exclusive realm of the heterosexuals, but it's the simplest way to convey the idea I am try to get across.

Simply put, how obvious is it to the casual observer that you are gay/lesbian/bi/queer in general? Are you with Lexington in the ranks of the "stealth fags", or are you so flamboyant that you would make Mario Cantone blush? Well, let us know! Vote and explain below, if you are so inclined. I modeled the choices after the Kinsey scale, just because.

Also because I just think that seven is a good number of choices for a poll.

Steve712 · 1st Jul 2010, 06:11 PM

Not very obvious, although once I tell them they seem to think that it should have been obvious.

theJosephDean · 1st Jul 2010, 06:16 PM

I went with 3, lol. No real reason, I just like to make people who don't know have to think to themselves for a second. ^_^

**Owen** · 1st Jul 2010, 06:19 PM

I wanted to post my reply separately to keep the first post exclusively about the topic at hand. I'm definitely not at all gay acting; I actually have a list in my EC blog of all of the gay stereotypes I break, a list I previously posted in another thread on that topic, and it's quite long. Many of my friends have told me that they would never have suspected I was gay if it weren't on my Facebook profile, and sometimes they even forget (one of my friends flat-out told me, "You know, sometimes I forget that you're gay." Yep, that straight-acting.). That's why I started wearing pride bracelets and other rainbow paraphernalia; it gets exhausting to need to come out of the closet so often.

I have to say, though, it's immensely gratifying to hear the few people who don't know I'm gay (pretty much just the people I work with, since the topic just never came up) talk to me as if I do like girls. It's a bit of cheap entertainment to hear them talk to me about needing to get me a girlfriend and me going out to "pick up chicks" or using the phrase "if you were gay" while talking to me and be able to think, "Oh, them." I can't wait to see the look on their faces when I finally let that cat out of the bag (or should I say out of the closet?).

Edit: Here's the blog post, if you are so interested: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/%user_name%/-a.html

**Eric** · 1st Jul 2010, 06:21 PM

No one would even think that I'm gay.

1st Jul 2010, 06:23 PM

I mean, I will put it this way.

When I told the guy working at the MAC makeup counter whom I was buying makeup from,that I was gay, he was surprised. So yeah xD

Steve712 · 1st Jul 2010, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RiotPoofBrandon

I mean, I will put it this way.

When I told the guy working at the MAC makeup counter whom I was buying makeup from,that I was gay, he was surprised. So yeah xD

That's actually impressive.

Hoppip · 1st Jul 2010, 06:32 PM

No offense to everyone, but every gay person I've ever spoken to about this (including myself!) has vastly underestimated the amount of sheer gayness they exude. I know that my own experiences may not be representative of the majority, but I think it could be interesting to compare self-concepts versus external views.

EDIT: I rated myself a four, but I'm sure that I'm more of a five or a six (I just don't want to shatter my ego too soon).

1st Jul 2010, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jyupisseondeo

No offense to everyone, but every gay person I've ever spoken to about this (including myself!) has vastly underestimated the amount of sheer gayness they exude. I know that my own experiences may not be representative of the majority, but I think it could be interesting to compare self-concepts versus external views.

Until recently, I thought I was the gayest thing around. But when I started coming out, and did not get the responses I expected, I decided I was wrong xD

GhostDog · 1st Jul 2010, 06:53 PM

I... don't know.

I'm not really butch or anything, but I get really uncomfortable with the idea of ever possibly being mistaken for a "girly girl". It was only after I shaved 2/3rds of my head that I thought, "Hey, I bet I can get away with wearing a skirt now!" I'd happily put on makeup and a summer dress, so long as I could wear a leather jacket over it and spike my hair all the way up.

I don't think my behavior tips most people off. Probably because I hang out with people who behave a lot like I do. Most of my female friends are straight, and mostly act just as sarcastic, vulgar, and indelicate as I do. Or more. Compared to some of my friends, I am obnoxiously chipper and bubbly.

And none of them seem to assume I'm gay. Maybe in a different group, where "Dude, you should totally tattoo a penis on the side of your head!" is less of a common phrase*, my behavior would register more as "HOMG, LESBIAN!" But I don't know! The only people who were like, "OH MY GOD, I KNEW IT" when I told them had known me for years. Everyone else has been like, "Oh, I didn't know that."

... Then again, I am an art student in a college down, everyone could just be assuming everyone else is at least bi-curious and not saying anything. They would probably still be right 80% of the time.

* This is an actual thing that was said to me at least twice.

theJosephDean · 1st Jul 2010, 07:00 PM

I need to stop reading posts while eating because

Quote:

Originally Posted by GhostDog

my behavior would register more as "HOMG, LESBIAN!"

made me spit out the pasta noodles I was trying to eat from laughing so hard. I don't even know why, I read that in a very hilarious voice and ... wow. Thanks for that

Zach1992 · 1st Jul 2010, 07:48 PM

I don't think I'm straight acting. I wear tight pants with my hair up in my sun glasses most of the time. I'm a HUGE theatre queen.

A few weeks ago a girl said to me "You seem too manly to like guys." I would have never called myself manly.

Totoro · 1st Jul 2010, 07:54 PM

I'm very ambiguous apparently- They can't tell if i'm straight or gay =S though some people think i'm straight, some think i'm gay. 50:50

Shevanel · 1st Jul 2010, 08:04 PM

I don't really know what to vote on the thingamajigger. But virtually every person I've told I'm Bi was rather surprised, and no they weren't being sarcastic >_>

Rikudo · 1st Jul 2010, 08:14 PM

Well after 18 yrs nobodies figured it out so I guess I'm pretty frakin straight. Being pretty much a "Jock" makes people suspect you less. You can make the excuse that sports have to too busy to date.

marvin · 1st Jul 2010, 08:21 PM

I put 2 bit I'm really not too sure. People asked if I was gay when I was 13 or 14 but people think all sorts of things at that age, I'm not sure how serious they were. I'm really interested to see how people react when I do come out.

timtravolta · 1st Jul 2010, 08:29 PM

they won't have a clue i am gay unless i tell them. i am straight acting because i get more straights to date this way. i think the most important thing is for people to just be themselves, whatever makes them happy, go for it!

**Maddy** · 1st Jul 2010, 08:30 PM

I went for 3. Some people can pick it easily, other people have no idea until I tell them.

RaRa · 1st Jul 2010, 09:12 PM

3.

Some can tell, some can't.

1st Jul 2010, 10:41 PM

I am a strong advocate for "There's no gay or straight acting (or black and white), there's just you."

But let's just throw that to the side for now~

I am probably a 3, maybe 4 at most. :P

View Poll Results: How straight-acting/gay- or lesbian-acting are you?
0. No one would ever suspect it	18	12.33%
1. I only give off a few subtle signs that I am gay, and you have to really look for them	36	24.66%
2. Some might suspect I am queer, but it's certainly not obvious	32	21.92%
3. I'm pretty ambiguous in the way I act; I keep them guessing	32	21.92%
4. It's fairly obvious to the casual observer, but the more oblivious types might not guess it	20	13.70%
5. It's very obvious to the casual observer	5	3.42%
6. Honey, they'd have to be blind to not know!	3	2.05%
Voters: 146. You may not vote on this poll

1st Jul 2010, 06:07 PM	#1
Owen Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult EC Admin Gender: Agendered dude Orientation: Panromantic androsexual Out Status: Everyone and their mother Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 21 Posts: 2,871 Join Date: Jul 2007	How straight-acting are you? I know a lot of people on this forum don't like the phrase "straight-acting" because it implies that for a man to act masculine or a woman to act feminine is the exclusive realm of the heterosexuals, but it's the simplest way to convey the idea I am try to get across. Simply put, how obvious is it to the casual observer that you are gay/lesbian/bi/queer in general? Are you with Lexington in the ranks of the "stealth fags", or are you so flamboyant that you would make Mario Cantone blush? Well, let us know! Vote and explain below, if you are so inclined. I modeled the choices after the Kinsey scale, just because. Also because I just think that seven is a good number of choices for a poll. __________________ "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -Daria Morgendorffer Last edited by Owen; 1st Jul 2010 at 06:11 PM..

1st Jul 2010, 06:11 PM	#2
Steve712 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Mostly out. Location: New Brunswick, Canada Age: 17 Posts: 1,292 Join Date: Feb 2010	Re: How straight-acting are you? Not very obvious, although once I tell them they seem to think that it should have been obvious. __________________ "Yet if hope has flown away / In a night, or in a day, In a vision, or in none, / Is it therefore the less gone?" - Poe

1st Jul 2010, 06:16 PM	#3
theJosephDean Nothing but the rain. Full Member Gender: 男 Male Orientation: Kinsey 5 Out Status: Om nom nom. Location: Johnson City, TN Age: 20 Posts: 1,633 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: How straight-acting are you? I went with 3, lol. No real reason, I just like to make people who don't know have to think to themselves for a second. ^_^ __________________ Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

1st Jul 2010, 06:19 PM	#4
Owen Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult EC Admin Gender: Agendered dude Orientation: Panromantic androsexual Out Status: Everyone and their mother Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 21 Posts: 2,871 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: How straight-acting are you? I wanted to post my reply separately to keep the first post exclusively about the topic at hand. I'm definitely not at all gay acting; I actually have a list in my EC blog of all of the gay stereotypes I break, a list I previously posted in another thread on that topic, and it's quite long. Many of my friends have told me that they would never have suspected I was gay if it weren't on my Facebook profile, and sometimes they even forget (one of my friends flat-out told me, "You know, sometimes I forget that you're gay." Yep, that straight-acting.). That's why I started wearing pride bracelets and other rainbow paraphernalia; it gets exhausting to need to come out of the closet so often. I have to say, though, it's immensely gratifying to hear the few people who don't know I'm gay (pretty much just the people I work with, since the topic just never came up) talk to me as if I do like girls. It's a bit of cheap entertainment to hear them talk to me about needing to get me a girlfriend and me going out to "pick up chicks" or using the phrase "if you were gay" while talking to me and be able to think, "Oh, them." I can't wait to see the look on their faces when I finally let that cat out of the bag (or should I say out of the closet?). Edit: Here's the blog post, if you are so interested: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/%user_name%/-a.html __________________ "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -Daria Morgendorffer

1st Jul 2010, 06:21 PM	#5
Eric EC Chat Room Mod EC Chat Mod Gender: Male Orientation: Gayyy Out Status: Open about it. Location: Ontario Age: 18 Posts: 1,374 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: How straight-acting are you? No one would even think that I'm gay.

1st Jul 2010, 06:23 PM	#6
RiotPoofBrandon Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How straight-acting are you? I mean, I will put it this way. When I told the guy working at the MAC makeup counter whom I was buying makeup from,that I was gay, he was surprised. So yeah xD

1st Jul 2010, 06:32 PM	#8
Hoppip look at the good i do Full Member Gender: Lv. 18 ♂ Orientation: Water / Dragon Out Status: Uncommon Location: Johto Posts: 1,562 Join Date: May 2008	Re: How straight-acting are you? No offense to everyone, but every gay person I've ever spoken to about this (including myself!) has vastly underestimated the amount of sheer gayness they exude. I know that my own experiences may not be representative of the majority, but I think it could be interesting to compare self-concepts versus external views. EDIT: I rated myself a four, but I'm sure that I'm more of a five or a six (I just don't want to shatter my ego too soon). __________________ KUDOS ME. I made myshelf pregnant.

1st Jul 2010, 06:53 PM	#10
GhostDog is Spartacus. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: MAGICAL. Out Status: The hiiills are aliiive with the sound of muuusic! Location: DFW area, Texas Age: 24 Posts: 2,503 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: How straight-acting are you? I... don't know. I'm not really butch or anything, but I get really uncomfortable with the idea of ever possibly being mistaken for a "girly girl". It was only after I shaved 2/3rds of my head that I thought, "Hey, I bet I can get away with wearing a skirt now!" I'd happily put on makeup and a summer dress, so long as I could wear a leather jacket over it and spike my hair all the way up. I don't think my behavior tips most people off. Probably because I hang out with people who behave a lot like I do. Most of my female friends are straight, and mostly act just as sarcastic, vulgar, and indelicate as I do. Or more. Compared to some of my friends, I am obnoxiously chipper and bubbly. And none of them seem to assume I'm gay. Maybe in a different group, where "Dude, you should totally tattoo a penis on the side of your head!" is less of a common phrase, my behavior would register more as "HOMG, LESBIAN!" But I don't know! The only people who were like, "OH MY GOD, I KNEW IT" when I told them had known me for years. Everyone else has been like, "Oh, I didn't know that." ... Then again, I am an art student in a college down, everyone could just be assuming everyone else is at least bi-curious and not saying anything. They would probably still be right 80% of the time. This is an actual thing that was said to me at least twice. __________________ <3 Kirah, who may or may not be made of delicious candy (and the lesbians)

1st Jul 2010, 07:48 PM	#12
Zach1992 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Guys Out Status: Out to friends, some family, & those who ask! Location: New York (State, not city) Age: 21 Posts: 1,171 Join Date: Jan 2010	Re: How straight-acting are you? I don't think I'm straight acting. I wear tight pants with my hair up in my sun glasses most of the time. I'm a HUGE theatre queen. A few weeks ago a girl said to me "You seem too manly to like guys." I would have never called myself manly. __________________ "Sex shouldn't be COMFY!!!"- Lola (Kinky Boots)

1st Jul 2010, 07:54 PM	#13
Totoro EC's Lurker Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay. Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Canada - Ontario Age: 19 Posts: 487 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: How straight-acting are you? I'm very ambiguous apparently- They can't tell if i'm straight or gay =S though some people think i'm straight, some think i'm gay. 50:50 __________________

1st Jul 2010, 08:04 PM	#14
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: How straight-acting are you? I don't really know what to vote on the thingamajigger. But virtually every person I've told I'm Bi was rather surprised, and no they weren't being sarcastic >_> __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

1st Jul 2010, 08:14 PM	#15
Rikudo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 2,198 Join Date: Dec 2009	Re: How straight-acting are you? Well after 18 yrs nobodies figured it out so I guess I'm pretty frakin straight. Being pretty much a "Jock" makes people suspect you less. You can make the excuse that sports have to too busy to date. __________________ "Out of love, sacrifice is born... Hate is born... and we are able to know pain!"

1st Jul 2010, 08:21 PM	#16
marvin Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Family only Location: New Zealand Age: 23 Posts: 54 Join Date: Apr 2010	Re: How straight-acting are you? I put 2 bit I'm really not too sure. People asked if I was gay when I was 13 or 14 but people think all sorts of things at that age, I'm not sure how serious they were. I'm really interested to see how people react when I do come out.

1st Jul 2010, 08:29 PM	#17
timtravolta Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Posts: 12 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: How straight-acting are you? they won't have a clue i am gay unless i tell them. i am straight acting because i get more straights to date this way. i think the most important thing is for people to just be themselves, whatever makes them happy, go for it! __________________ Ever had a STRAIGHT?

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1st Jul 2010, 08:30 PM	#18
Maddy Free Hugs EC Admin Gender: - Orientation: Into girls Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 7,704 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: How straight-acting are you? I went for 3. Some people can pick it easily, other people have no idea until I tell them. __________________ how strange it is to be anything at all [Victor] 2:09 pm: and then halloween happened and I was outside in a skirt.

1st Jul 2010, 09:12 PM	#19
RaRa We we we so excited Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Los Angeles, CA Age: 21 Posts: 7,439 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: How straight-acting are you? 3. Some can tell, some can't. __________________ Do you think about me now and then? Do you think about me now and then? Oh now I'm comin' home again Maybe we can start again

1st Jul 2010, 10:41 PM	#20
Lady Gaga Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How straight-acting are you? I am a strong advocate for "There's no gay or straight acting (or black and white), there's just you." But let's just throw that to the side for now~ I am probably a 3, maybe 4 at most. :P