How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Super Trouper · 2nd Jul 2010, 02:28 PM

without freaking them out, preferebly :s

silverhalo · 2nd Jul 2010, 02:37 PM

Hey and welcome to EC I believe you are new

Do you mean how do you tell one of your female friends that is straight that you love them?

Super Trouper · 2nd Jul 2010, 02:39 PM

exactly....

2nd Jul 2010, 02:42 PM

Well, in my personal experience, and my friend Isaiah's who only likes straight men..

It's better not to.

silverhalo · 2nd Jul 2010, 03:02 PM

Well it can be very difficult, im sure lots more people will be able to give you better advice based on personal experience. I have fortunately never had to deal with that situation.
I think the best thing to do can be different depending on the people involved, how you think they will react, what you want to get from telling them/not telling them and how you feel about it.

Do you think your friend is definately 100% straight or could she be bisexual.

Does she know that you are gay?

Super Trouper · 2nd Jul 2010, 03:08 PM

she's 100% straight, and she has no idea I'm bisexual

silverhalo · 2nd Jul 2010, 03:33 PM

Well then in my opinion maybe it would be better to tell her that first and see how she takes it. Do you think she will be accepting?
How long have you been friends with her?

Super Trouper · 2nd Jul 2010, 03:52 PM

hum... we've been friends for 3 years... we're both 16 and we've known each other since the 8º grade

silverhalo · 2nd Jul 2010, 03:58 PM

Do you know what her views are like on gay people?

Super Trouper · 2nd Jul 2010, 04:07 PM

I don't think she's homophobic or anything, but... If I told her, our relationship would never be the same again

Black Cat · 2nd Jul 2010, 04:19 PM

Well on one hand you could tell her. This could go one of two ways:

1. She could be shocked, but flattered. She may not feel the same way about you, but you won't be left wondering what could have happened in thirty years time.

2. She will probably still be shocked in this case too, but let's just say it may not go as smoothly.

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but people rarely tell someone with whom they're just friends that they love them and have those feelings reciprocated entirely.

On the other hand you could not tell her, guarantee your friendship won't come to an abrupt end (I'm not saying it will, that's just worst case scenario), and just give these feelings time to fade away - as they often do.

The choice of whether or not to tell her is one that only you can make. I can say if I were in your shoes I would not tell her that you love her, at least not right away. Wait a while; see if it is really love or just a crush.

You could start by telling her you're Bisexual. Base your further revelations on her reaction from that. I would still hold off on telling her you love her though.

You're young, chances are it's just a crush. I do not doubt what you've said about being in love with her by any means, but just wait and see.

Oh, and welcome to EC.

Super Trouper · 2nd Jul 2010, 04:26 PM

thanks for all your advice, I'm not gonna gonna tell her that I'm bi or that I love her, I think it's best to just try to see her that way..

Inhuman · 2nd Jul 2010, 08:25 PM

If they're straight, never tell them. You will freak them out.

If not, then tell them the way you'd tell anyone else ^.^

GoinStag · 2nd Jul 2010, 09:11 PM

I wouldn't. I've had a crush on straight guy for like 2 years and haven't told him 'cause it wouldn't matter. They're straight. We'll find someone someday, but this is just something we have to go through.

**Meropspusillus** · 2nd Jul 2010, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggie bellamy

I don't think she's homophobic or anything, but... If I told her, our relationship would never be the same again

Exactly. Be cautious about this, I know I'd be kinda freaked out if a female friend of mine told me she had a crush on me, much less that she was in love with me. Don't expect anything to come of this. I wouldn't advise telling her anything unless you need to tell her to get it off your chest: strictly for you. However, be prepared for your relationship to change. I mean it might not, she might be flattered and everything will be jolly, she might be weirded out and grow distant and your friendship will disappear. It's all up to you to decide what is best both for you and for your friendship.

ok455 · 2nd Jul 2010, 11:13 PM

Don't tell her your attracted to her that might creep her out and she might stop being your friend.

2nd Jul 2010, 02:28 PM	#1
Super Trouper ABBA & Eurovision <3 Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everyone that matters. Location: Portugal Age: 18 Posts: 1,168 Join Date: Jul 2010	How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? without freaking them out, preferebly :s

2nd Jul 2010, 02:37 PM	#2
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,160 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? Hey and welcome to EC I believe you are new Do you mean how do you tell one of your female friends that is straight that you love them?

2nd Jul 2010, 02:39 PM	#3
Super Trouper ABBA & Eurovision <3 Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everyone that matters. Location: Portugal Age: 18 Posts: 1,168 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? exactly....

2nd Jul 2010, 02:42 PM	#4
Lady Gaga Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? Well, in my personal experience, and my friend Isaiah's who only likes straight men.. It's better not to.

2nd Jul 2010, 03:02 PM	#5
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,160 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? Well it can be very difficult, im sure lots more people will be able to give you better advice based on personal experience. I have fortunately never had to deal with that situation. I think the best thing to do can be different depending on the people involved, how you think they will react, what you want to get from telling them/not telling them and how you feel about it. Do you think your friend is definately 100% straight or could she be bisexual. Does she know that you are gay?

2nd Jul 2010, 03:08 PM	#6
Super Trouper ABBA & Eurovision <3 Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everyone that matters. Location: Portugal Age: 18 Posts: 1,168 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? she's 100% straight, and she has no idea I'm bisexual

2nd Jul 2010, 03:33 PM	#7
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,160 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? Well then in my opinion maybe it would be better to tell her that first and see how she takes it. Do you think she will be accepting? How long have you been friends with her?

2nd Jul 2010, 03:52 PM	#8
Super Trouper ABBA & Eurovision <3 Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everyone that matters. Location: Portugal Age: 18 Posts: 1,168 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? hum... we've been friends for 3 years... we're both 16 and we've known each other since the 8º grade

2nd Jul 2010, 03:58 PM	#9
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,160 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? Do you know what her views are like on gay people?

2nd Jul 2010, 04:07 PM	#10
Super Trouper ABBA & Eurovision <3 Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everyone that matters. Location: Portugal Age: 18 Posts: 1,168 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? I don't think she's homophobic or anything, but... If I told her, our relationship would never be the same again

2nd Jul 2010, 04:19 PM	#11
Black Cat As Seen On Hoarders... Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: This cat is out of the bag - I mean closet Location: Pennsylvania, with the cows Age: 21 Posts: 2,391 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? Well on one hand you could tell her. This could go one of two ways: 1. She could be shocked, but flattered. She may not feel the same way about you, but you won't be left wondering what could have happened in thirty years time. 2. She will probably still be shocked in this case too, but let's just say it may not go as smoothly. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but people rarely tell someone with whom they're just friends that they love them and have those feelings reciprocated entirely. On the other hand you could not tell her, guarantee your friendship won't come to an abrupt end (I'm not saying it will, that's just worst case scenario), and just give these feelings time to fade away - as they often do. The choice of whether or not to tell her is one that only you can make. I can say if I were in your shoes I would not tell her that you love her, at least not right away. Wait a while; see if it is really love or just a crush. You could start by telling her you're Bisexual. Base your further revelations on her reaction from that. I would still hold off on telling her you love her though. You're young, chances are it's just a crush. I do not doubt what you've said about being in love with her by any means, but just wait and see. Oh, and welcome to EC. __________________ "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it." - Mr. Magorium

2nd Jul 2010, 04:26 PM	#12
Super Trouper ABBA & Eurovision <3 Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everyone that matters. Location: Portugal Age: 18 Posts: 1,168 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? thanks for all your advice, I'm not gonna gonna tell her that I'm bi or that I love her, I think it's best to just try to see her that way..

2nd Jul 2010, 08:25 PM	#13
Inhuman Coolio Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Let's go with gay Out Status: The whole world, but not some extended family Location: Winnipeg Age: 18 Posts: 70 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? If they're straight, never tell them. You will freak them out. If not, then tell them the way you'd tell anyone else ^.^ __________________ RUNESCAPE IS GOOD <a href=http://runetrack.com/profile.php?user=Not_Inhuman><img src=http://runetrack.com/sigs/stat/gold/pose/237/Not_Inhuman.png border=0></a>

2nd Jul 2010, 09:11 PM	#14
GoinStag I'm straight now............sikeeee Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Guy fetish Out Status: Parents, siblings, and therapist Location: Metro Detroit, Michigan Age: 18 Posts: 1,485 Join Date: May 2010	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? I wouldn't. I've had a crush on straight guy for like 2 years and haven't told him 'cause it wouldn't matter. They're straight. We'll find someone someday, but this is just something we have to go through.

2nd Jul 2010, 11:13 PM	#16
ok455 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Can't tell L!O!L Age: 24 Posts: 437 Join Date: May 2005	Re: How does one tell a person of the same sex that we're in love with them? Don't tell her your attracted to her that might creep her out and she might stop being your friend. __________________ http://209.50.252.116/smile.gif Last edited by ok455; 2nd Jul 2010 at 11:19 PM..

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