"How did you 'know' you were gay?"

[Jeremy]

On a hot summer afternoon, I found myself reminiscing with some old belongings of mine in a storage space at my mother's house. One item I came across held special interest to me, my Magic Eight-Ball. Upon holding it in my hands I simply inquired "Eight-Ball, am I gay?" to which it replied, "Yes, definitely." From that moment on, I knew I was gay.

--

Okay, aside from the funny story, which was true minus the last sentence, this has always been a question that has brought great interest to me (and researchers on the topic of homosexuality!) What I find most interesting is how some people say "I've known since I was 7!" while others in their 20s may not even know themselves.

In my experience, I have "known" that I was gay since my early elementary school years. Of course, I didn't really know what to call it, and in growing up under a "Christian" family, I was under the impression that I was supposed to like girls. During my middle school years, after my parents divorced, I would often find myself thinking of guys. At this time, I knew I was undoubtedly attracted to them but had it in my mind that this was morally blasphemous, so I would try to take that same feeling and apply it towards females. To my dismay, the outcome was consistently less than successful.

I guess overall, there was never a distinct moment or time in my life that caused me to realize I was gay. It was more of a feeling that continually grew stronger as I grew older.

How about everyone else? Have you known since you were young, or are you still questioning? Was there some significant event that made you realize you were gay?

[Owen]

I became attracted to men around age 10, but I didn't realize I was gay until age 16. The biggest obstacle for me was that my sexuality was the only one I was experiencing, and I thought it was normal, and I knew that heterosexuality was "normal", so I assumed that being heterosexual entailed having those kinds of feelings for men. Of course, over the course of middle and high school, I had to figure out that that wasn't the case.

I still remember the night that it hit me that I was gay. At that point, I was still unsure about whether I was bi or gay, because I had convinced myself that I was bi as a sort of "compromise" between my true feelings and what I wanted to be. I was lying awake in bed, trying to fall asleep, but as so often happens, my mind just wouldn't stop thinking. So I started thinking about my sexuality. Specifically, I began to think about the very definition of homosexuality: a sexual attraction towards the same sex. I thought about the times I felt love for a girl, times which had convinced me I might like girls, and I realized that all of those times were just feelings of love, not feelings of passion or lust. I realized that I had never been sexually attracted to a girl before, and that’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat up in my bed and I said, “Oh my God. I’m gay.” I guess you could say that that was the event that made me realize I'm gay.

[malachite]

I knew since 6th grade, but I fought it for many, many years after wards.
I remeber thingking Devon Sawa was hot, I should have just accepted it then but I was a stubborn asshole

[fringelunatic]

Well, I was first aware of being attracted to a male (or for that matter anyone) when I was 11. Certainly in my last year of primary school I remember being attracted to a boy in the year below me, and to my best friend of the last seven years. They were both on the school's football (soccer to you non-Europeans), so I guess nothing's changed there. Over the next few years I was very aware of not being attracted to girls, and quite frequently being put in uncomfortable positions by friends when they were talking about that sort of thing. It had occurred to me, but I always just said to myself that I'd think about it later, or it was just a phase.
By fourth form I was aware of spending most of a maths class watching a guy in front of me (rower this time ), and I still didn't really admit it to myself. I think I knew, but it was never really an issue. Then about two years ago I guess it did start to become an issue. What I think really forced me to confront it happened one day. I'd found out about a month before that a friend was gay - I'd suspected it for a while - and I think realising the issues which I'm ashamed to say I had about it - not homophobic, just things like marriage and so on, and imagining him with a boyfriend, finally forced me to come out to myself, I guess.
So not much more happened until March of this year, during the Easter holiday I spent a lot of time thinking about coming out, and did it right at the end.
So, no, I have no one time when I realised.

[Katherine]

I had never really thought about it until this guy asked me out in the beginning of my sophomore year. He was a great guy--funny, smart, and loved video games--but I didn't want him. I just wasn't attracted to him at all. And then all of a sudden I started thinking, "Hmm, now that I think about it, I've never been attracted to ANY guys. Wait a minute..."

I started doing a lot of soul-searching, and I realized that girls were just way more appealing to me.

(And then of course I discovered some, uh, explicit material on the internet that just happened to involve lesbians. And then I pretty much knew for sure. xD)

[partietraumatic]

I never know what to say to this question. On one level i've always known. I've been attracted to guys as long as i can remember. But on the otherhand i never equated it with being gay. I genuinely never once made the link in my mind, it didn't even occur to me. It was just something that was a part of me, but i never dwelt on it. So it wasn't a denial, so much as just not thinking it was anything important.

I know alot of people have a moment when they realised. But i never had that either. I hadn't actually decided to myself that i was gay when i came out to my first person, odd tho that sounds. Some people know they are gay for ages, and can't bring themselves to say it. That wasn't me. Not on a conscious level anyway. However clearly, on an unconscious level, i knew. One night at a friends party, i was quite drunk, and talking with a guy who i knew was gay, who i had met for the first time that night, and then i just blurted out and told him. I even took myself by surprise when i realised what i'd said. I'd never even said it to myself.

I'd be interested to know if anyone else has had a similar experience? It seems most people were very certain, or at least had a point where they acknowledged to themselves that they were.

[thevre]

Aside from just poking around at gay porn online at a very young age...

I woke up after dreaming I was at like... a strip club I guess it was (looking back) w/ male strippers. I think I was like 10 when this happened WEIRD. that's when i pretty much knew.

[olides84]

Originally Posted by partietraumatic

I never know what to say to this question. On one level i've always known. I've been attracted to guys as long as i can remember. But on the otherhand i never equated it with being gay. I genuinely never once made the link in my mind, it didn't even occur to me. It was just something that was a part of me, but i never dwelt on it. So it wasn't a denial, so much as just not thinking it was anything important.

That's me in a nutshell. I always knew I liked guys (being around them, playing sports with them, looking at them) and that I had little attraction to girls, but I never really looked at it as being gay, or as you said, something to be dwelt upon. When people asked why I didn't date (girls), I simply said I wasn't interested. I never imagined that dating guys could be a preferable alternative I suppose it was simply a combination of being somewhat naive and not having much of a sex drive. Things changed when I got to university and I got to experience different people/ideas and at the same time became a bit more introspective. Eventually by winter quarter that first year it hit me: I guess I'm gay! I came out to my dorm roommate soon after

[illwakeupalone]

I've never had a realization moment...I've always been attracted to girls, but I've always pushed it away because of my family situation. I guess when I first knew that I couldn't lie to myself anymore was when my last boyfriend, who I'd lost my virginity to, broke up with me and I felt...nothing. I thought I had loved him, but I tricked myself into feeling that way (which was so not fair to him) to appease my parents. That's when I realized I couldn't pretend to be something I wasn't anymore.

My first crush was in 6th grade though. She was and is my very best friend. And even though she and I have moved from crushing to just friends, she is so supportive of me and I love her to death.

[Just Adam]

i met my best mate and realised i wanted to go down on him...pretty much :S

tho i didn't admit it to myself that i wasn't straight after many failed attempts at straight relationships ...sat in a car at 11pm at night waiting to pick him up from the train station i started shouting at myself in the car that i was not gay...but no matter how loud i shouted it didn't work so i just gave up and accepted men are hot :S


not an amazing story of self realisation ill agree.

[Elven]

I thought I was asexual and it saddened me then I noticed other boys were becoming more interesting so I kinda guessed it was definetly possible then one day after a family row and very little consious thought about it I blurted it out to my sister, and there were tears, and there was cake and I began to accept it so I guess I accepted it and outed myself-ish on the same day

i think i figured it out a little after i started stashing pictures of men in underwear that i got off the internet under my mattress when i was in middle school.

[kettlkorn]

When I began singing like Freddie Mercury from Queen xD lol

[Lexington]

I honestly had no clue until I was 19 or 20. I kept waiting for women to seem hot to me, and they weren't. So I tried looking at guys, and I got a lot hornier than I ever did looking at girls. When that didn't change after a few months, I assumed that was that.

Lex

[GhostDog]

I vaguely wondered whether or not I liked girls around the end of high school. And by "vaguely wondered", I mean "spent inordinate amounts of time thinking about it" and "losing a lot of sleep over it" and "making myself way too miserable over the issue than any actual straight girl ever would". But still, I was convinced I was just a lonely straight girl who wanted to be gay for... some reason.

I didn't actually come to terms with it until around a year ago, buuut. The incident that started me down that "oh my god, wtf am I?" path was my college freshman year drawing class. Specifically, my drawing teacher. More specifically, my young, attractive, female drawing teacher who, for some reason, I had an incredibly difficult time talking to, what with my head buzzing every time I was anywhere near her and all. (I am 100% certain that I creeped her out, because I had a crush on her but had absolutely no idea wtf was going on at the time.)

One day I got particularly dizzy and lightheaded after trying to ask her a question. I walked out of class that day going, "What the hell was that?! ... Oh. Oh my god!"

I still had around 3 or so years of making myself miserable to do, apparently, because that just made the gay-angst (gayngst?) even worse, but I eventually figured myself out.

[Jeremy]

Originally Posted by GhostDog

I still had around 3 or so years of making myself miserable to do, apparently, because that just made the gay-angst (gayngst?) even worse, but I eventually figured myself out.

Lol! "gayngst." What does that make gangstas?

Yeah, I also agree with Thevre; I kinda did the whole poking around porn thing. When I was really young, I do remember finding my dad's porn collection in the garage once (yeah... he really had one), and I remember finding no thrill in naked girls, aside from the thrill little kids get for doing something taboo such as looking at porn mags. However, I remember getting really weird feelings (at least I thought it was really weird because I didn't really understand at the time) whenever there was a picture with a guy.

Even funnier story: I remember taking a movie cover to one of my Dad's pornos and storing it in my closet (I shared a room with my brother at the time). It had pictures of guys f***ing girls and whatnot, and I would just stare at the guys, even covering the girls sometimes. Eventually my mom found out about the movie case and got super pissed at my dad because 1, she didn't know he had porn and 2, she thought that he was storing it in mine and my brother's room. Of course I pretend like I never knew of its existence, and it's not like little kids can go around buying porn vids. XD Hehe... they'll never know the truth either

[Zach1992]

The 6th grade locker room. I started looking at boys in much more than a "friend" way.

[RainbowVampire]

I knew I liked boy-on-boy when I was watching "Cursed" and Bo tried to kiss the other dude who's name escapes me. I knew I liked girl-on-girl when I first heard "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry. I knew I was transgendered after I thought about it for a really long time, and realized I was truely a boy instead of a girl. I don't remember the exact moment, though...

[theJosephDean]

I remember being in the seventh grade and fantasising about the girl on whom I had a crush, but my fantasies always involved a three-some with this guy in our class, and over time my thoughts slowly drifted more to thinking about him than her. The stone just started rolling from there.

[RedKnight]

Thinking back about, i was about 10-11 when i had an interest in the male body but didnt start thinking that i was anything but straight when i was 13