Is it possible we're frigid for life? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Inhuman · 24th Aug 2010, 06:41 PM

Is it possible that the emotional damage some of us have received while learning that we're homos will make it improbable for us ever to have good (romantic) relationships?

I think possibly for me. I haven't felt the need to suppress any of my homo feelings for nearly 1 year now but I'm still as frigid as ever. Like, cuddling is cool, but I don't even wanna have sex with my BF. So whats up with that! I'm attributing it to my time of thinking homosexuality is wrong and suppressing my ''desires''.

What do you guys find about this? Is this a unique thing I'm dealing with or no?

ANightDude · 24th Aug 2010, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Is it possible that the emotional damage some of us have received while learning that we're homos will make it improbable for us ever to have good (romantic) relationships?

That was the best way to put it.

I would say it's more a unique issue. If anything, any emotional issue you've had in the past would make you more wanting of a relationship. Personally, I would think that it depends on everyone's personality and who their dating for the relationship to last, anyways.

Inhuman · 24th Aug 2010, 07:01 PM

The word "homo" doesn't carry a negative connotation for me. But you've got a point on the other thing you said

**Owen** · 24th Aug 2010, 07:44 PM

Though I've never been in an intimate relationship, I can definitely sympathize with the "cuddling is cool, but I don't even wanna have sex" sentiment. I don't know that it's related to emotional damage, but considering that I've only recently begun to become comfortable with the idea, it's possible. Maybe I, too, used to be frigid, and am only now beginning to "warm up".

**Chip** · 24th Aug 2010, 09:19 PM

The emontional damage from being gay, and coming out early is unlikely to prevent one from having deep emotional bonds in relationships.

But it takes time. My guess is there are still aspects of yourself where you aren't completely open with everyone, and that, plus the baggage of being closeted, takes some time to wear off.

There are other issues people have that can make it a lot more difficult to have strong intimate connections, but they are more likely to center around abuse, or lack of strong emotional bonds to parents, self esteem, and that sort of things. But even those, with therapy and time, can be resolved and people can have healthy and whole relationships.

**Mogget** · 24th Aug 2010, 09:46 PM

We are all fucked up. Not "all gay people," all people. It's normal, it's natural, it's not unique to queerdom, nor are we exempt from it. And we're all fucked up differently. So your problem is neither particularly common, nor unheard of.

It's hard to believe and accept this. I struggle with believing it myself (though I feel more alone in it than you--it feels like no one else has my particular brand of fucked-upery).

Inhuman · 25th Aug 2010, 09:13 PM

Chip: What things are you talking about that you think I'm hiding? You may be unto soemthing here.. although I'm hiding my gay-ness from VERRRRY few people, and I'm only hiding my relationship from my Dad.. or are you talking about hiding something else?

24th Aug 2010, 06:41 PM	#1
Inhuman Coolio Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Let's go with gay Out Status: The whole world, but not some extended family Location: Winnipeg Age: 18 Posts: 70 Join Date: Jun 2010	Is it possible we're frigid for life? Is it possible that the emotional damage some of us have received while learning that we're homos will make it improbable for us ever to have good (romantic) relationships? I think possibly for me. I haven't felt the need to suppress any of my homo feelings for nearly 1 year now but I'm still as frigid as ever. Like, cuddling is cool, but I don't even wanna have sex with my BF. So whats up with that! I'm attributing it to my time of thinking homosexuality is wrong and suppressing my ''desires''. What do you guys find about this? Is this a unique thing I'm dealing with or no? __________________ RUNESCAPE IS GOOD <a href=http://runetrack.com/profile.php?user=Not_Inhuman><img src=http://runetrack.com/sigs/stat/gold/pose/237/Not_Inhuman.png border=0></a>

24th Aug 2010, 07:01 PM	#3
Inhuman Coolio Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Let's go with gay Out Status: The whole world, but not some extended family Location: Winnipeg Age: 18 Posts: 70 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: Is it possible we're frigid for life? The word "homo" doesn't carry a negative connotation for me. But you've got a point on the other thing you said __________________ RUNESCAPE IS GOOD <a href=http://runetrack.com/profile.php?user=Not_Inhuman><img src=http://runetrack.com/sigs/stat/gold/pose/237/Not_Inhuman.png border=0></a>

24th Aug 2010, 07:44 PM	#4
Owen Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult EC Admin Gender: Agendered dude Orientation: Panromantic androsexual Out Status: Everyone and their mother Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 21 Posts: 2,871 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Is it possible we're frigid for life? Though I've never been in an intimate relationship, I can definitely sympathize with the "cuddling is cool, but I don't even wanna have sex" sentiment. I don't know that it's related to emotional damage, but considering that I've only recently begun to become comfortable with the idea, it's possible. Maybe I, too, used to be frigid, and am only now beginning to "warm up". __________________ "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -Daria Morgendorffer

24th Aug 2010, 09:19 PM	#5
Chip EC Advisor EC Admin Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: northern CA Posts: 5,577 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Is it possible we're frigid for life? The emontional damage from being gay, and coming out early is unlikely to prevent one from having deep emotional bonds in relationships. But it takes time. My guess is there are still aspects of yourself where you aren't completely open with everyone, and that, plus the baggage of being closeted, takes some time to wear off. There are other issues people have that can make it a lot more difficult to have strong intimate connections, but they are more likely to center around abuse, or lack of strong emotional bonds to parents, self esteem, and that sort of things. But even those, with therapy and time, can be resolved and people can have healthy and whole relationships.

24th Aug 2010, 09:46 PM	#6
Mogget Mad and dead as nails EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Kinsey 5 or 6. It varies Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Alaska Age: 22 Posts: 2,019 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: Is it possible we're frigid for life? We are all fucked up. Not "all gay people," all people. It's normal, it's natural, it's not unique to queerdom, nor are we exempt from it. And we're all fucked up differently. So your problem is neither particularly common, nor unheard of. It's hard to believe and accept this. I struggle with believing it myself (though I feel more alone in it than you--it feels like no one else has my particular brand of fucked-upery). __________________ "As to what I am, I once was many things but now I am only several." - Mogget in Sabriel by Garth Nix "The world is quiet here." - VFD Last edited by Mogget; 24th Aug 2010 at 09:46 PM.. Reason: grammar

25th Aug 2010, 09:13 PM	#7
Inhuman Coolio Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Let's go with gay Out Status: The whole world, but not some extended family Location: Winnipeg Age: 18 Posts: 70 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: Is it possible we're frigid for life? Chip: What things are you talking about that you think I'm hiding? You may be unto soemthing here.. although I'm hiding my gay-ness from VERRRRY few people, and I'm only hiding my relationship from my Dad.. or are you talking about hiding something else? __________________ RUNESCAPE IS GOOD <a href=http://runetrack.com/profile.php?user=Not_Inhuman><img src=http://runetrack.com/sigs/stat/gold/pose/237/Not_Inhuman.png border=0></a>