Is it unreasonable I won't have PDA with my boyfriend?

[Inhuman]

Ok so a little background information: 1 year ago I was 1000% not ok with being gay
6 months ago I was pretty cool with it
2 months ago I realised it's just something that's a part of me and it's totally ok
today I've even become a bit more mature in my self-acceptance.

HOWEVER when I'm in public with my bf, I'm not cool to, for instance, hold hands with him. Or put my arm around him when we're chilling somewhere or whatever the case may be. It's not because I'm uncool with it(in fact I love it, when I feel that nobody notices), but because I know that about 8/10 of people who notice would be weirded out to see that. Is this wrong of me? I know he couldn't give a shit what others think(which in a way I admire), but for me, I haven't abandoned being accepted by the general public: I put some value on the concept of being accepted by the public.

For example, if wearing a light blue tu-tu has a value in your mind, maybe 50

and being accepted as not being a freak have a value in your mind of 20, then you'd wear the tu-tu instead

But for me it seems more important not to make others uncomfortable, and to be accepted by STRANGERS then to show affection to my bf in public. Is this an imbalance of value?

Additionally, I could show affection in public, BUT if I did that with my current frame of mind, I'd feel like I was doing it to prove I have the courage to do it as opposed to it coming naturally.

Am I way out of line? Or is this ok? Does anyone else feel this way?

[Lexington]

I guess that would depend.

I personally don't like PDAs. Don't like giving them, receiving them, watching them. And neither does my partner, so that works out well. But I once thought about it. What if he DID want PDAs? Could I give them? And I thought about it, and I decided I probably could come around to it. I'd have to ease into them, and they'd probably feel really phony the first few times we did it, but I'd probably be OK with them eventually. I'd like to think we'd never get to the tongue-kissing-on-the-bus stage*, but if this was important to him, I probably could do it.

What about other people? Well, what about them? As long as we weren't doing anything straight couples don't do in pleasant company, I don't think they'd have a right to say anything.

So what about you? Maybe talk to your boyfriend about it. Tell him your thoughts, and find out how important this really is to him. If it IS really important to him, maybe try it out once or twice. Like I suggested, try it casually, for brief periods of time, and see if you grow to enjoy it any more.

Lex

[SlickyPants]

If you don't feel comfortable doing it in public then don't do it.

You're still young and one thing I've noticed is that once people leave high school nobody really cares what you do. Maybe it's because they got more important things to worry about like bills, work, and their own lives but I've generally noticed most people don't care if you hold hands with another guy.

I've held hands with a guy walking down Portage Avenue and didn't get any funny looks. In a bar too (not the gay variety either) and no funny looks. People were still very friendly. A couple of friends of mine were dating a while back and we all went out on Canada Day to Osbourne Village and eventually the Forks. They held hands most of the time and nobody was seemed weirded out by it. We even saw some other same-sex couples holding hands too.

From what I've observed I would estimate that most people don't mind and the small percentage of those that do aren't really worth pleasing.

Again it's really up to what you feel comfortable with and if you feel you're in a safe neighbourhood.

[Eric]

I took the city bus home a few months ago from co-op amd saw a guy with his arm wrapped around another guy. I knew instantly they were a couple. The one with his arm around the other kept looking around as though he thought people were staring, but in actuality everyone on the bus was just going about their business, just looking forward to get to their destination.

That's all to say that you possibly overthink people's reactions. If you don't personally like PDA's, well you don't like 'em. But if your boyfriend does, you should explain to him how you feel.

On a personal note, I'm not a touchy-feely guy. It's just not me. To be honest, it's not even something I think of.

[Owen]

I used to feel the same way about PDAs, and for a while, I thought it was because I hadn't really accepted the fact that I'm gay. Then I realized that I just didn't like them in general. I realized that seeing a straight couple doing anything other than holding hands or a light hug made me uncomfortable, so it was only reasonable that I would feel the same way about the possibility of me publicly displaying affection myself. So, ask yourself, are you uncomfortable seeing other people publicly displaying affection? Because if you are, then it's completely reasonable for you to be uncomfortable publicly displaying affection yourself.

Originally Posted by Inhuman

But for me it seems more important not to make others uncomfortable, and to be accepted by STRANGERS then to show affection to my bf in public. Is this an imbalance of value?

Not so much as you might think. As social creatures, we are driven by the desire to fit in, because our ancestors who didn't try to fit in with the tribe were exiled from the tribe and didn't get to pass their genes on. However, we live in a different "tribe" environment than the one we evolved to navigate, so we sometimes need to go against our evolutionary instinct for our own good. This is one of those times.

Originally Posted by Inhuman

Additionally, I could show affection in public, BUT if I did that with my current frame of mind, I'd feel like I was doing it to prove I have the courage to do it as opposed to it coming naturally.

Do you know what the difference is between someone who does something to prove he has the courage to do it and someone who does it because it comes naturally? A few months, a year at the most. If you find out you enjoy PDAs and keep engaging in them, they will come naturally, and you won't worry that you are trying to prove to yourself that you have the courage to do them.

[Inhuman]

EDIT: now I'm with a different person and I realized soemthing.. now that I'm 100% comfortable with HIM that makes me 100% comfortable in front of other people

win ^.^

[GoinStag]

Wow, I'm sorry the other guy didn't work out for you, but great news about this new guy. I'm happy for you