Arranged Marriages

[Cyberia]

I know arranged marriages seem archaic, but one of my friends was actually preparing to get one in the future because of his/her ethnicity (my friend is not gay btw).

I was wondering if it could be compared to a homosexual person going into a heterosexual marriage, considering that a lot of homosexual people nowadays crack under the pressure of a heterosexual marriage while the concept of heterosexual arranged marriages have been upheld for centuries.

Thoughts?

[Revan]

I suppose it could be in some manner....depends really.

[Martin]

I think the situation is far too unique for each person to give a definitive answer.

There are lots of problems that can pop up with arranged marriages, but it's also vital to be respectful of the fact that some cultures have different societal values than our own. Whilst the idea of an arranged marriage may seem like an alien concept to us, to others it's something they are socialised into from birth. We can't compare that to our own norms and values and expect to get a straight forward opinion on the situation (at least not without judging them against our own beliefs).

It's important to remember that there is a difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages. The former I have no moral objection to if both parties are legally consenting to it, but a forced marriage is an entirely different issue altogether. I'd be more inclined to say that your example above is more like a forced marriaged. Sure, they may not necessarily have their parents forcing them to get married, but they have an inner battle with themselves to prove that they can be straight and live a "normal" life, thus forcing themselves into this ceremony and hoping it will make all their problems go away. I'm not saying all gay people who have been in a hetero-marriage have been in that situation, but I'd say it fits the context of your scenario above.

You would need to study specific cultural values if you want to establish why arranged marriages are upheld within it. You can't simply look at your own societal values and attempt to apply them to everybody else.

[Cyberia]

I should've been more specific. I guess I was wondering how the nature of one's sexuality affects his/her marriage despite the fact that the two parties may/may not "love" each other or be emotionally attached, which can be problematic in arranged marriages. Though cultural values play a part in establishing society's general feelings towards what kind of marriage is acceptable, that doesn't mean there isn't a conflict that arises occasionally -this is especially prevalent in societies where there are both "love marriages" and arranged marriages.

For example, let's take India - there's a social taboo on divorce, and the country still performs arranged marriages, which has an immense cultural value - as a result, there's more of a "partnership" and less expectation and more compromise from both parties, in comparison to the "love marriages" that not as prevalent and sometimes looked down upon. Even so, however, there is a movement from the gay community there.

Also, a lot of people in the Muslim community actively seek out a homosexual of the opposite sex to have a so-called "marriage of convenience." I do understand, however, the psychological toll of a homosexual person marrying a heterosexual because the heterosexual party is usually left in the dark, and thus a lot of things are kept secret. However, some of these people can maintain such marriages for an extremely long time - I guess this is where culture isn't always indicative of the preferences of a group. But still, it does conform to the societal standards placed on them despite the fact that they may not be fully, I guess, happy?

Originally Posted by Martin

It's important to remember that there is a difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages. The former I have no moral objection to if both parties are legally consenting to it, but a forced marriage is an entirely different issue altogether. I'd be more inclined to say that your example above is more like a forced marriaged. Sure, they may not necessarily have their parents forcing them to get married, but they have an inner battle with themselves to prove that they can be straight and live a "normal" life, thus forcing themselves into this ceremony and hoping it will make all their problems go away. I'm not saying all gay people who have been in a hetero-marriage have been in that situation, but I'd say it fits the context of your scenario above.

But wouldn't the homosexual in a heterosexual relationship be "legally consensual as well?" To add on to your comment about culture - I'll go back to India - I'm just curious as to why a country that practices arranged marriages as a majority, in addition to the fact that their divorce rate is 1.1%, has such a visible LGBT community. I do understand what you are saying though - a lot of people are influenced by society's actions towards them, especially if a homosexual was in a heterosexual marriage and was "forced" to act a certain way. I guess it just boils down to one's physical attraction to the opposite sex that fuels "traditional" marriages - gee, I just answered my own question.

Anyway, I guess this kind of embodies my own struggles as a minority, because my culture/parents expect me to marry a woman - which I don't want to do, but I'm thinking of all these sacrifices that people make because of societal restrictions that are placed upon them.

Thanks for your response.

[peaceandlies]

i think that people being forced into relationships they dont want is one of the word things possible, whether they are gay, in a straight relationship, or straight in one they didn't want.

while on the outside that seems as if that doesnt happen in the west, i think it does.

[alan t]

No, I don't believe an arranged marriage is comparable to a gay person in a heterosexual marriage. Arranged marriages are pretty normal in some cultures, and happened in the past in many places where it doesn't happen today. The idea that people marry someone because they love them can seem obvious if that's how it is in the society you're used to. But a priori it's not clear that that's the only natural way for the concept of marriage to arise in a society.

However, it seems problems arise when gay people are put into arranged straight marriages... but I think it's really the same problems as when closeted gay people have non-arranged marriages to straight people based on societal expectations.

Like in India after getting married women are the ones who receive pressure from their families to have kids quickly. But if their husband's gay and doesn't want to have sex with them it's harder for them to have kids and it's not their fault and it's embarrassing for them to tell people why.