Personal Narrative: Ew, you're gay?

I had to write a personal narrative about an event or series of events that changed my life. So, I reluctantly wrote about me being gay. I thought this would be a good thing to post here, so I want to know what you guys think.

Spoiler

Knowing you're a second class citizen isn't the best feeling in the world, living everyday life knowing that most people around consider you disgusting, sinful, or just the complete scum of the planet. Everyday you hear insults, things people don't really have a second thought about saying. You hear teachers, friends, peers, siblings, and ever parents saying things that just rip your heart out. You can't do anything to stop it either, after all, who would listen to someone like myself? This is something I will experience for the rest of my life.

Growing up, I never knew I was different. I thought I was just a normal kid, in the city of Kent, that would grow up to do something great, at least, those were my ambitions. It was not until sixth grade when I began to notice that I was different. During sexual education, the topic of sexuality was brought up. The teacher went into a discussion of the, "normal" sexual habits of people. A man would be with a woman, and that was final. A man being in a relationship with another man, or a woman with a woman would result in, "horrible consequences from God." I found this concept hard to grasp in my mind, I kept asking myself, "Isn't God supposed to love everyone?" "Why do I feel closer to guys than I do girls?" I was in fear that I was going to burn in eternal hell fire.

It wasn't until the next year, in seventh grade, that I realized that the feelings I had would make me homosexual by the definition of the word. I still thought that it wasn't a big deal; how foolish I was then. At that time I had two very close friends, I never really was the popular kid. I told them both at the same time that I was gay, thinking that no one would really care, but I thought they should know. Their reactions were not what I had anticpation. Dan, who was two years older than I was, stood up and spat in my face. Tiffany just screamed, "Eeew!" and stormed off. Their reactions left me confused and betrayed. This was the first time I truly felt ashamed to be me.

Later on throughout the year, I found out that Dan and Tiffany had began to tell the school about my homosexuality. As I would walk down the hall, people would stare at me with the look of being repulsed by my presence. People would try to trip me as I walked by, would run into me intentionally, and scream things such as "Fag!" or "Queer" at me. One day I was walking home and three kids pulled me aside. They pushed me, saying, "Why don't you fight back, faggot?" I am not much of a fighter, so I just listened in pure shock. Those three kids then began to get more agressive, one punching me in the stomach. The others pounding their fists brutally into my head, chest, and arms. I do not remember much after that, however afterwards I went home, cleaned myself up, and went to sleep. This happened multiple times, too many to actually keep count.

As they year progress, things got worse. The beatings got worse as well as the harassment. I was so ashamed of what was happening at school that I would steal money from my mom to buy cover-up at the CVS we lived near to cover the bruises. One kid decided to take a knife to my arm, although not cutting very deep, it still left a scar. Later that same week, on a Sunday in May, I was at the playground near my apartment. I saw a lot of smoke coming from a nearby building, it looked like someone was grilling so I didn't really pay attention. Very soon afterwards I heard my mom scream from outside, "Steve!" I ran home to see smoke coming out of the window in the room that my brother and I shared. At first I was scared, seeing smoke pouring out of your bedroom window isn't the most calming experience. However, the thought came into my head that I would be moving afterwards. I didn't know exactly where, but I knew I would be moving, so I smiled. I felt as if I was finally able to be happy, I was leaving that horrid school. I would gladly trade all my belongings to get out of there, and that's what happened.

After that, I finished my year of school, knowing I was never going back was a great feeling at the end of the year. During that Summer I moved from Kent to Ravenna, happy that now people would not know who I was. However I was afraid. I was so afraid to step foot in the school as I was thinking, "What if one of the people I meet at this school finds out who I am? Will all that I just left repeat itself? Will someone finally just kill me?" I was so afraid to start school I grew physically sick. Eventually school did start, and no one suspected anything. I began to make friends, and I after a few months, I found out that they were accepting as far as I could tell of who I was.

In November I told them that I was gay, none of them cared. However, in December, I found out that one of them was going to tell people after an argument we got into. I was so afraid that I threatened them over Aol Instant Messagenger. They called the cops, I reluntantly admited it out of pure fear, and within a week I had beene expelled from that school on December 15th to April and had to attend a night school program at the high school that they had in place for people who were expelled.

Ironically enough, as I came back, people didn't know what had happened to me. The only people who knew were the person I threatened and their friends. After that year, in 9th grade, I began to befriend the person I had threatened again. To this day we are still close friends, as she understood the fear that I felt from the slightest possibility of what happened to me repeating itself. I still kept it a compelete secret from everyone though.

In 2008 is when I began to become even more depressed. Thoughts of suicide grew more common in my head as the days went on. I couldn't deal with the hatred that constantly surrounded me. I eventually got to the point where I had planned out how to do it and when to do it. Then someone I found out about completely changed my thought process. Although it sounds strange, most people do not understand why it changed my life for the better. As I grew more suicdal I found out about a soon to be Pop sensation, Lady Gaga. Although her songs may seem superficial to the non-listening ear of critics, they tought me to respect myself, to never let other people convince me that I was a lesser person. For the first time in my life, I actually felt as if I belonged somewhere. Overtime I became more accepting of myself, and I cared less and less what other people thought.

Over the 9th and 10th grade, I came out to everyone. People who cared in the slightest about who I was were completely ignored. My friendships with people grew stronger, and I became more optomistic in general. Although still remaining so afraid of new people and situations that I get physically sick, I have grown to accept who I am, and believe that I am not a second class citizen, disgusting, or any of what many people do think. Moving from Ravenna to Ellet was one of the hardest things I had to do. Leaving all the friends I loved to meet possibly worse people was not a very high thing on my priority list. Luckily for me, people in Ellet were just as accepting. I have the best friends I could ask for, and even though I still deal with hateful comments multiple times a day, I couldn't be a more proud or happy person, and I am now dedicated to making the world a better place for people like myself.

Please ignore the spell and grammar failures, it's a first rough draft.

[Allecto]

I like it. I'm sure Lady Gaga would be very happy to know that you found solace in her music.

[Chandra]

Your story is very moving. I think you should hand it in with pride... and send a copy to Lady Gaga!

Originally Posted by 50ftQueenie

I like it. I'm sure Lady Gaga would be very happy to know that you found solace in her music.

Thank you

Originally Posted by Chandra

Your story is very moving. I think you should hand it in with pride... and send a copy to Lady Gaga!

And thank you as well. I would do that, but that would make me feel weird. D:

[Vinny]

THIS IS AMAZING!

I LOVE Lady GaGa so much! Whenever I'm sad her songs make me happy again

[SaturdaySaviour]

So, so honest. Glad for the happy ending.

[booby]

im so sorry you got bullied
and you really have to send this to Lady GaGa , she would be so happy to hear that

[Owen91]

Great essay. It was really powerful, thanks for sharing. I'm glad you found your strength somewhere, and I'm even more pleased that it came from the Almighty Gaga. : D

[Miss Bubbles]

I love that essay!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Vinny

THIS IS AMAZING!

I LOVE Lady GaGa so much! Whenever I'm sad her songs make me happy again

<3 Thank you!

I agree as well!

Originally Posted by SaturdaySaviour

So, so honest. Glad for the happy ending.

Thank you

Originally Posted by booby

im so sorry you got bullied
and you really have to send this to Lady GaGa , she would be so happy to hear that

If only I knew how

Thanks

Originally Posted by Owen91

Great essay. It was really powerful, thanks for sharing. I'm glad you found your strength somewhere, and I'm even more pleased that it came from the Almighty Gaga. : D

x3 Thank you, and praise Godga! [/joke]

Originally Posted by Miss Bubbles

I love that essay!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!! :3


Also, my teacher looked over my rough draft and he said it was amazing. One of the best ones he has gotten. He red it out loud to all the English classes (he did this with the three top essays in his classes) but he didn't reveal who wrote it.

YAY FOR AWESOME TEACHERS

[AlyssWonderland]

I love it. <3 Be sure to post your final copy on here! I would love to read the finalized version.

My final copy isn't really different at all. Just fixed grammar.

Spoiler

Knowing you're a second class citizen isn't the best feeling in the world, living everyday life knowing that most people around consider you disgusting, sinful, or just the complete scum of the planet. You hear insults, things people don't really have a second thought about saying. You hear teachers, friends, peers, siblings, and ever parents saying things that just rip your heart out. You can't do anything to stop it either, after all, who would listen to someone like myself? This is something I will experience for the rest of my life.

Growing up, I never knew I was different. I thought I was just a normal kid, in the city of Kent, that would grow up to do something great, at least, those were my ambitions. It was not until sixth grade when I began to notice that I was different. During sexual education, the topic of sexuality was brought up. The teacher went into a discussion of the, "normal" sexual habits of people. A man would be with a woman, and that was final. A man being in a relationship with another man, or a woman with a woman would result in, "horrible consequences from God." Looking back, I find it unbelievable that a teacher would say this. I found this concept hard to grasp in my mind, I kept asking myself, "Isn't God supposed to love everyone?" "Why do I feel closer to guys than I do girls?" I was in fear that I was going to burn in eternal hell fire.

It wasn't until the next year, in seventh grade, that I realized that the feelings I had would make me homosexual by the definition of the word. I still thought that it wasn't a big deal; how foolish I was then. At that time I had two very close friends, I never really was the popular kid. I told them both at the same time that I was gay, thinking that no one would really care, but I thought they should know. Their reactions were not what I had anticipated. Dan, who was two years older than I was, stood up and spat in my face. Tiffany just screamed, "Eeew!" and stormed off. Their reactions left me confused and betrayed. This was the first time I truly felt ashamed to be me.

Later on throughout the year, I found out that Dan and Tiffany had began to tell the school about my homosexuality. As I would walk down the hall, people would stare at me with the look of being repulsed by my presence. People would try to trip me as I walked by, would run into me intentionally, and scream things such as "Fag!" or "Queer" at me. One day I was walking home and three kids pulled me aside. They pushed me, saying, "Why don't you fight back, faggot?" I am not much of a fighter, so I just listened in pure shock. Those three kids then began to get more agressive, one punching me in the stomach. The others pounding their fists brutally into my head, chest, and arms. I do not remember much after that, however afterwards I went home, cleaned myself up, and went to sleep. This happened multiple times, too many to actually keep count.

As the year progressed, things got worse. The beatings got worse as well as the harassment. I was so ashamed of what was happening at school that I would steal money from my mom to buy cover-up at the CVS we lived near, to cover the bruises. One kid decided to take a knife to my arm; however, thay did not cut very deep, it still left a scar. Later that same week, on a Sunday in May, I was at the playground near my apartment. I saw a lot of smoke coming from a nearby building, it looked like someone was grilling so I didn't really pay attention. Very soon afterwards I heard my mom scream from outside, "Steve!" I ran home to see smoke coming out of the window in the room that my brother and I shared. At first I was scared, seeing smoke pouring out of your bedroom window isn't the most calming experience. However, the thought came into my head that I would be moving afterwards. I didn't know exactly where, but I knew I would be moving, so I smiled. I felt as if I was finally able to be happy, I was leaving that horrid school. I would gladly trade all my belongings to get out of there, and that's what happened.

After that, I finished my year of school. Knowing I was never going back was a great feeling at the end of the year. During that Summer I moved from Kent to Ravenna, happy that now people would not know who I was. However I was afraid. I was so afraid to step foot in the school as I was thinking, "What if one of the people I meet at this school finds out who I am? Will all that I just left repeat itself? Will someone finally just kill me?" I was so afraid to start school I grew physically sick. Eventually school did start, and no one suspected anything. I began to make friends, and after a few months, I found out that they were accepting as far as I could tell, of who I was.

In November I told them that I was gay, none of them cared. However, in December, I found out that one of them was going to tell people after an argument we got into. I was so afraid that I threatened them over Aol Instant Messagenger. They called the cops, I reluctantly admitted it out of pure fear, and within a week I had beene expelled from that school on December 15th to April, and had to attend a night school program at the high school that they had in a place for people who were expelled.

Ironically enough, as I came back, people didn't know what had happened to me. The only people who knew were the person I threatened and their friends. After that year, in 9th grade, I began to befriend the person I had threatened again. To this day we are still close friends, as she understood the fear that I felt from the slightest possibility of what happened to me repeating itself. I still kept it a compelete secret from everyone though.

In 2008 is when I began to become even more depressed. Thoughts of suicide grew more common in my head as the days went on. I couldn't deal with the hatred that constantly surrounded me. I eventually got to the point where I had planned out how and when to do it. Then someone I found out about completely changed my thought process. Although it sounds strange, most people do not understand why it changed my life for the better. As I grew more suicdal I found out about a soon to be Pop sensation, Lady Gaga. Although her songs may seem superficial to the non-listening ear of critics, they tought me to respect myself, to never let other people convince me that I was a lesser person. For the first time in my life, I actually felt as if I belonged somewhere. Overtime I became more accepting of myself, and I cared less and less what other people thought.

Over the 9th and 10th grade, I came out to everyone. People who cared in the slightest about who I was were completely ignored. My friendships with people grew stronger, and I became more optomistic in general. Although still remaining so afraid of new people and situations that I get physically sick, I have grown to accept who I am, and believe that I am not a second class citizen, disgusting, or any of what many people do think. Moving from Ravenna to Ellet was one of the hardest things I had to do. Leaving all the friends I loved to meet possibly worse people was not a very high thing on my priority list. Luckily for me, people in Ellet were just as accepting. I have the best friends I could ask for, and even though I still deal with hateful comments multiple times a day, I couldn't be a more proud or happy person, and I am now dedicated to making the world a better place for people like myself.

[yourillusion]

Wonderful story, so truthful and raw. I'm so sorry for the way you were treated. Glad there's a good ending!

[Gir Zim]

Lady gaga helps me a lot too,she makes me feel valuable and precious and when i listen to her music i always feel so much love in my heart,because i know what she stands for. I am sorry you were treated that way for so long,they will get their reward.

Originally Posted by yourillusion

Wonderful story, so truthful and raw. I'm so sorry for the way you were treated. Glad there's a good ending!

Thank you :3

Originally Posted by Gir Zim

Lady gaga helps me a lot too,she makes me feel valuable and precious and when i listen to her music i always feel so much love in my heart,because i know what she stands for. I am sorry you were treated that way for so long,they will get their reward.

And thank you, person who feels the same

At least something good came out of my bad treatment ^___^

all i can say is wow. and well done. thats a great piece you wrote. it really is shocking how your friends didnt stand by you and how your home ended up being attacked. its good to see that you managed to get yourself through the bad thoughts you had and make a new life for yourself. im sure many people would take some sort of a comfort from what you have wrote. infact i think this should be posted as a blog for more people to read when this thread falls down the page.

[malachite]

I'm just gonna do this:


and maybe a little of this:

Originally Posted by gaz83

all i can say is wow. and well done. thats a great piece you wrote. it really is shocking how your friends didnt stand by you and how your home ended up being attacked. its good to see that you managed to get yourself through the bad thoughts you had and make a new life for yourself. im sure many people would take some sort of a comfort from what you have wrote. infact i think this should be posted as a blog for more people to read when this thread falls down the page.

Thank you.

But I would like to note, it was an electrical fire not arson. Maybe I should put that in there..woops

I would put it on a blog, but no one comments on them..so I figured a thread would be better. However when this does die I will put it on a blog for sure ^_^

Originally Posted by malachite

I'm just gonna do this:


and maybe a little of this:

*bow*

Got a 98/100

He wrote at the bottom:

"I sincerely hope your world manages to improve. Our world is full of ignorance - and that won't completely change...but person, by person some good will emerge."

^-^