why do some people just know and others don't see it?

[alan t]

When I told my friend who I've known since the age of 0 that I was gay he was really surprised. Also, I'm sure my parents have no idea.

On the other hand, I keep getting hints from random people that they know. For example, one time my parents neighbour came over to their house - someone I've only said hi to about 3 times. My mother said to her "do you know any cute girls to introduce him to?" Then when she turned away, the neighbour gave me a look and said something, which I forgot, but it sounded like she didn't think I was interested in the cute girls.

Also once, I met my friends girlfriend for the first time and I barely said hi to her and she already thought I was gay.
This doesn't surprise me, I do think it's a bit obvious. In fact even when I was in grade 5 people would tease me and ask me if I was gay

But then why do the people who know me the most not notice? And then even if I tell them they get surprised, there wasn't even any "omg I should have known its so clear now"

Is this common??

[ArcaneVerse]

very common. its easier to see things in people we don't know then in the people we spend almost every day with. Its like how people can see things about yourself that you don't even see or notice.

Another side of it is that some people have better intuition then others or have had experience with other gay people. also some people might not want to see the "gay" in you or in somebody they care about so they ignore what could be very well right in front of them.

[MusicIsLife]

most of the friends i made in College knew right away, when I'd known them for barely a week. On the other hand, my high school friends were like: WHAAAA?!?!?!?!? So yes, its common :P

[ok455]

People are like that with me all the time some knows and some don't. When i was in high school everyone knew because i hit on every guy in school.

This very Super Fem guy at my job quickly picked up i was gay. And this another guy at my job hes straight picked up i was gay also eventually i gave in and talk about hot guys to him.

Now my family just thinks im a shy virgin i remember my mother making a comment about wanting me to hook up with this girl at her job and she told the girl "if my son wasn't shy i would hook yall up." Eventually she got annoying with trying to hook me up with every girl she sees from her job to a cashier at a store i had to tell her to stop.

[Z3ni]

Its because they are so used to you they can't see the changes.

[Frer3]

I hate it when people automatically know. I'd like to think that I do a good job of hiding it, but I really don't...

[Definetly Maybe]

Because the people who do care won't judge you about it, and will see it as "no biggy" as it won't matter to them, your still a friend.

Out of all the responses I've got out of my friends most were meh, because they did not care to judge my sexuality, or omg I know, since they had blatenly guessed (However I am quite camp (although I hate to admit it).

I guess I've stayed closer to the friends who it did not matter to as they "never really realised it", then to those who were willing to shout "I told u so". So don't threat over it, just be glad that they have taken it well.

[Lexington]

Two reasons. One, those that "knew you when" saw you grow up from an asexual being, and so are immune to the signals you put out. Two, the other people are presumably looking for them.

Lex

[Shevanel]

Some people's gaydars are just jammed.

[ArcaneVerse]

Originally Posted by shevanel

some People's Gaydars Are Just Jammed.
image

<3

[Chip]

I also think denial plays a role. Parents, even those who intellectually have no problem with gay people and are gay rights supporters, often don't want *their* son to be gay and so they will unconsciously ignore and reject any signs they may see that their child is gay.

Mary Griffith, the formerly religious wingnut mother of Bobby Griffith, who killed himself and who was the subject of the movie "Prayers for Bobby" later said that, as she came to accept that being gay was something unchangeable, she also came to realize that she'd known since Bobby was born that he was gay. She saw it in the way he acted, the way he played with his toys, and so forth. But she in deep denial.

I think most parents, once they accept their gay sons or daughters, acknowledge that there were signs present very early, but for one reason or another they ignored them.