What do you think of this script for a school project? (LGBT related)

[ANightDude]

I work as an anchor on my schools news broadcast show, which gives the daily announcements and whatnot. We have segments on there and such, and a friend of mine has one called the "Friday Fact", where she reports on subjects of interest and mostly issues facing teenagers. We both decided (I help out everyone when I'm not on air) that it'd be important to have one on LGBT suicide. So what do you think of this script? Anything do you think that needs to be taken out or put in?

"Hi, I’m *Insert Spiffy News Name Here*. High School is pretty tough, dealing with friends, teachers, grades, it’s easily one of the most stressful times of our lives. With all this pressure, being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgendered or even questioning at all just adds to it. And in high school, these students are often subjected to intense bullying. Did you know that just by being LGBT, a person’s chances for suicide are 4 times greater than that of their peers? This past September, 8 teenagers committed suicide due to gay bullying, making national headlines. School should be a safe environment for everyone, and bullying of any kind should not be condoned by anyone. So Rams, let’s not put anyone down that path. Let them know that it gets better. For Ram Vision, I’m *Same Spiffy Name*."

Our mascot is a Ram, in case you're curious.

[midwestblues]

Originally Posted by ANightDude

I work as an anchor on my schools news broadcast show, which gives the daily announcements and whatnot. We have segments on there and such, and a friend of mine has one called the "Friday Fact", where she reports on subjects of interest and mostly issues facing teenagers. We both decided (I help out everyone when I'm not on air) that it'd be important to have one on LGBT suicide. So what do you think of this script? Anything do you think that needs to be taken out or put in?

"Hi, I’m *Insert Spiffy News Name Here*. High School is pretty tough, dealing with friends, teachers, grades, it’s easily one of the most stressful times of our lives, and it's made no easier for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgendered adolescentsor even questioning at all just adds to it. And in high school, these students are who are often subjected to intense bullying. The bullying and social pressure that LGBT adolescents face makes them four times as likely to commit suicide compared to their peers. This past September, eight LGBT teenagers committed suicide due to gay bullying, making national headlines. School should be a safe environment for everyone, and bullying of any kind should not be condoned by anyone. So Rams, let’s not put anyone down that path. Let them know that it gets better. For Ram Vision, I’m *Same Spiffy Name*."

Our mascot is a Ram, in case you're curious.

There was some unnecessary and obvious information that clogged up the monologue.