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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 02:08 PM   #1
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Default Is porn cheating?
I've been going out with a boy since May, and things are still going well, I see no reason not to presume we'll still be together for a good while. There's a good sexual chemistry between us as well as everything else, but for logistical reasons (we both live at home), we can't sleep together as often as we'd like.

Lately, I've started to watch porn more than I used to. Certainly for the first few months we were together, I hardly did at all. Is this a problem? I'm kind of trying to make a stab at what is usual for someone in a relationship. Watching boys at it online does mainly remind me of us being together, rather than me wanting to be either of them, and I don't think it effects how I am with him. At the same time, I feel I should probably scale down how much I do watch it online, even aside from the waste of time side of things.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 02:17 PM   #2
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No it's not cheating. Either you watch porn or you imagine it. Both are basically the same.

I wouldn't tell my boyfriend to stop watching porn, because I don't see how it could be cheating
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 02:18 PM   #3
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
It's up to the individual and also the couple's dynamic.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 02:47 PM   #4
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
I wouldn't say it's cheating.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 02:52 PM   #5
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Is porn cheating?
No.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 02:55 PM   #6
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
No in over 500 languages...


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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 03:08 PM   #7
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
no.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 03:16 PM   #8
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[Swahili, see Kiswahili]
That would be hapana (I represent the Swahili community ) but yeah no.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 03:31 PM   #9
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
No. It's definitely not cheating.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 03:57 PM   #10
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
Let me tell you about two guys I actually know.

K is married and lives with his wife. One night while she was out of town, he looked at some porn and jerked off to it.

P is married and lives with his wife. While he was in another town for a business trip, he met a girl at a bar. He took her home, made out with her, and had sex with her.

Which one of these guys cheated?

Believe it or not, it was K. Why? Because he and his wife had an agreement. She had a major issue with pornography, as she felt it was degrading to women. And so K promised her that he wouldn't look at pornography anymore. Maybe that wasn't a smart thing to do, and maybe that wasn't a promise he meant to keep. But the thing is - he promised to do it. And he broke that promise. Therefore, he cheated by looking at porn.

P, on the other hand, has an open relationship with his wife. I'm not sure what the (ahem) ins and outs are when it comes to this relationship, but they came to an agreement early in their relationship. They both are able to meet other people, and have sex with them, within the confines of their relationship. And therefore, P wasn't cheating by having sex with this other woman.

So back to you. Are you cheating by looking at porn? That depends. Did you promise to stop? Did you tell him you weren't going to look at porn and/or jerk off now that you were in a relationship with him? If you did, you're cheating. If you didn't, you aren't.

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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 05:13 PM   #11
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
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Believe it or not, it was K. Why? Because he and his wife had an agreement. She had a major issue with pornography, as she felt it was degrading to women. And so K promised her that he wouldn't look at pornography anymore. Maybe that wasn't a smart thing to do, and maybe that wasn't a promise he meant to keep. But the thing is - he promised to do it. And he broke that promise. Therefore, he cheated by looking at porn.
That's not cheating. That's just disloyalty. What is she going to tell her girlfriends; "He was cheating on me with his hand/Butt Quest 2"?
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 06:32 PM   #12
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That's not cheating. That's just disloyalty. What is she going to tell her girlfriends; "He was cheating on me with his hand/Butt Quest 2"?

You are missing the point.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 06:44 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by midwestblues View Post
That's not cheating. That's just disloyalty. What is she going to tell her girlfriends; "He was cheating on me with his hand/Butt Quest 2"?

You are missing the point.
No, I got the point. Jerking off to porn, in some extreme relationships, may entail a gravity similar to cheating. That doesn't make it cheating.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 06:49 PM   #14
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That's not cheating. That's just disloyalty. What is she going to tell her girlfriends; "He was cheating on me with his hand/Butt Quest 2"?

You are missing the point.
No, I got the point. Jerking off to porn, in some extreme relationships, may entail a gravity similar to cheating. That doesn't make it cheating.
If you don't follow rules in a board game, what are you called?? A cheater. Same thing.
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Old 3rd Dec 2010, 10:39 PM   #15
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
I don't see how porn can be cheating...at all.
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Old 4th Dec 2010, 02:53 AM   #16
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No, definitely not.
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Old 4th Dec 2010, 04:33 AM   #17
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
I don't consider porn cheating, and I do believe in open relationships if that's something the other person wants (I think swinging is healthy for monogamous relationships between people with diverse sexual appetites and good communication skills). However, it goes without saying that anything you do on the downlow - sneaking around and lying - is probably disloyal on some level.

However, if I was dating someone and they told me they didn't want me to look at porn, I would give them a really weird look, because that's controlling on a level I don't want to deal with. To be honest, even though I don't watch porn often or anything, it would make me want to do it out of spite.

Porn is fantasy - nothing more. In fact, a lot of it is outrageous and silly to emphasize that fact.
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Old 4th Dec 2010, 10:54 AM   #18
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
Please do not mention porn movies, actors or production companies.
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Old 4th Dec 2010, 11:36 AM   #19
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Default Re: Is porn cheating?
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So back to you. Are you cheating by looking at porn? That depends. Did you promise to stop? Did you tell him you weren't going to look at porn and/or jerk off now that you were in a relationship with him? If you did, you're cheating. If you didn't, you aren't.

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That's not cheating. That's just disloyalty. What is she going to tell her girlfriends; "He was cheating on me with his hand/Butt Quest 2"?
I think Lex really got at what I'm getting at. Call it cheating, call it disloyalty, I'm wondering if it is something I shouldn't do while I'm with him, or should at least try not to do.

I don't know what he'd think, because I haven't asked him. We've never talked about porn, the closest was in some general conversation, with others there, he mentioned that Sylvester Stallone had done porn. I asked if he'd seen them. He said no. The few of us went on talking.

Is it something that I should ask him about in a moment of serious conversation, or just presume most boys know that other boys sometimes watch porn? As I said before, it's not like I spend that much time, but more than once a week.
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Old 4th Dec 2010, 12:06 PM   #20
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]Is it something that I should ask him about in a moment of serious conversation, or just presume most boys know that other boys sometimes watch porn? As I said before, it's not like I spend that much time, but more than once a week.
I'd go with the latter, just presume he knows. If you haven't talked with him about it, it's more likely that he's okay with the idea of you looking at porn. If you have no problem with the idea of him looking at porn, then you should have no problem with the idea of yourself looking at porn.
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