So what? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Lotty · 18th Dec 2010, 04:26 PM

Maybe this isn't the best place to post this, but I wouldn't know where else. Okay, this is my point:
People make such a big deal of it. I mean, yeah, I'm in love with a girl, so what? She's human. I'd understand it if she was a dog or something. But she's just a girl. A lovely HUMAN girl. I found it very hard to come out to my friends because everyone always seems so upset about it. I'm bi. WHATEVER. I haven't changed. I'm no criminal, I don't use drugs, I'm just bi. Get over it.
So my question is: why do people make such a big deal of it? Any ideas?

djt820 · 18th Dec 2010, 04:53 PM

Probably the indoctrination of religion several centuries ago that had several outdated and hateful ideologies but hey, Drugs aren't always bad. Haters gonna hate.

Miyaga · 22nd Dec 2010, 09:05 AM

It could be because of how society has viewed it for so long. Being attracted to the same sex or both sexes is not the "Norm". So when it happens to someone people know they dont know how to deal with it. So this is when you get all sorts of questions like "are you sure" "is it a phase" "are you confused" "did a man hurt you really badly", things like that.

Over time people have become more acceptable but those societal stereotypes still exist and will probably always exist. So unfortunately when you share that part of you there will be those people who question it even though they dont have a right to.

Hope this helps

maverick · 22nd Dec 2010, 09:11 AM

Quote:

So this is when you get all sorts of questions like "are you sure" "is it a phase" "are you confused" "did a man hurt you really badly", things like that.

^ This part really bothers me, the assumption that because I am not necessarily attracted to men (as a woman) means that I must have been a) molested as a child or b) sexually mistreated in some way in a past relationship.

I don't know what to tell you Lotty, other than that I know exactly what you mean. I'm so frustrated at my mother right now for the way she's reacting to my coming out that when she cold-shoulders me, I just want to scream at her, What business is it of yours anyway?! You didn't seem to care who I was dating before, why do you suddenly care now!!?

Bang Bang · 22nd Dec 2010, 09:13 AM

I understand just how you feel. Sometimes it just feels like no one can understand what you feel for another person.
I myself sometime wonder why people see same-sex love as something different. Love is love, is it not? It shouldn't matter who it is you're in love with.

Honestly, as much as I try to keep my intolerance for religion to a minimum, I can only point my finger at them for this. I believe religion is (slightly changing now) the leading contributor to the negative and inhumane attitude towards homosexuality.

But you have to know that not everyone is like that. There are more people than you could expect that would support you and not even notice (or care) that you're bisexual. Just keep your head up, you'll eventually find these people.

happy · 22nd Dec 2010, 09:15 AM

I feel the same way as you, Lotty. And...telling people has been pretty easy for me wih the exception of the woman I have feelings for. I do fear the consequences of the friendship by disclosing to her. Other than that, I have a "so what" attitude. And luckily, so have those I've told. I'm also bi. I see myself being in love with a human being. And I do think it has a lot to do with how much people are able to think for themselves and separate their upbringing and societal influences, from everything else.

Lotty · 23rd Dec 2010, 02:21 AM

Thanks everyone

But, actually, I still don't understand. One of my friends acts different around me now. We wanted to go out yesterday night and she said she actually didn't want to go. She didn't say why, just 'I don't feel like it'
On the other hand, I have a friend who's totally laid-back. We were actually talking about my crush as if I was in love with a boy. Exept a few questions: 'does it feel different to being in love with a boy?' and 'so if you see a poster with almost naked women, you think it's hot rather than disgusting?' I answered no to both questions. I mean, I don't think half-naked women are disgusting, but she doesn't think a poster with a naked man is hot either.
But why do people think it's different to love the same sex? Don't they understand that love is love? They're also cool about a white girl and a dark boy being together. Then they also say: love doesn't know anything about race. Well, I think love doesn't know any bounds.

18th Dec 2010, 04:26 PM	#1
Lotty Everybody's fool Regular Member Gender: Mostly female Orientation: I've given up on that one. Out Status: I don't hide it. Location: Holland!!!<3 Age: 17 Posts: 460 Join Date: Dec 2010	So what? Maybe this isn't the best place to post this, but I wouldn't know where else. Okay, this is my point: People make such a big deal of it. I mean, yeah, I'm in love with a girl, so what? She's human. I'd understand it if she was a dog or something. But she's just a girl. A lovely HUMAN girl. I found it very hard to come out to my friends because everyone always seems so upset about it. I'm bi. WHATEVER. I haven't changed. I'm no criminal, I don't use drugs, I'm just bi. Get over it. So my question is: why do people make such a big deal of it? Any ideas?

18th Dec 2010, 04:53 PM	#2
djt820 Brutally Honest Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: DICKS EVERYWHERE Out Status: Like A Cock Slapping Your Face Kind-of Out. Location: SoCal Age: 19 Posts: 1,282 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: So what? Probably the indoctrination of religion several centuries ago that had several outdated and hateful ideologies but hey, Drugs aren't always bad. Haters gonna hate. __________________

22nd Dec 2010, 09:05 AM	#3
Miyaga EC 's Gay Chef Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Who Doesn't Know? Location: New York City Age: 23 Posts: 452 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: So what? It could be because of how society has viewed it for so long. Being attracted to the same sex or both sexes is not the "Norm". So when it happens to someone people know they dont know how to deal with it. So this is when you get all sorts of questions like "are you sure" "is it a phase" "are you confused" "did a man hurt you really badly", things like that. Over time people have become more acceptable but those societal stereotypes still exist and will probably always exist. So unfortunately when you share that part of you there will be those people who question it even though they dont have a right to. Hope this helps __________________ "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." "Live today like it is your last, no regrets, no second guesses, just truth and happiness."

22nd Dec 2010, 09:13 AM	#5
Bang Bang Testicles. That is all. Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Just a wee bit... Location: Toronto, Canada Age: 19 Posts: 421 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: So what? I understand just how you feel. Sometimes it just feels like no one can understand what you feel for another person. I myself sometime wonder why people see same-sex love as something different. Love is love, is it not? It shouldn't matter who it is you're in love with. Honestly, as much as I try to keep my intolerance for religion to a minimum, I can only point my finger at them for this. I believe religion is (slightly changing now) the leading contributor to the negative and inhumane attitude towards homosexuality. But you have to know that not everyone is like that. There are more people than you could expect that would support you and not even notice (or care) that you're bisexual. Just keep your head up, you'll eventually find these people. __________________ I’m too tired to slap you. Bash your face against my palm.

22nd Dec 2010, 09:15 AM	#6
happy Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Some people Posts: 18 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: So what? I feel the same way as you, Lotty. And...telling people has been pretty easy for me wih the exception of the woman I have feelings for. I do fear the consequences of the friendship by disclosing to her. Other than that, I have a "so what" attitude. And luckily, so have those I've told. I'm also bi. I see myself being in love with a human being. And I do think it has a lot to do with how much people are able to think for themselves and separate their upbringing and societal influences, from everything else.

23rd Dec 2010, 02:21 AM	#7
Lotty Everybody's fool Regular Member Gender: Mostly female Orientation: I've given up on that one. Out Status: I don't hide it. Location: Holland!!!<3 Age: 17 Posts: 460 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: So what? Thanks everyone But, actually, I still don't understand. One of my friends acts different around me now. We wanted to go out yesterday night and she said she actually didn't want to go. She didn't say why, just 'I don't feel like it' On the other hand, I have a friend who's totally laid-back. We were actually talking about my crush as if I was in love with a boy. Exept a few questions: 'does it feel different to being in love with a boy?' and 'so if you see a poster with almost naked women, you think it's hot rather than disgusting?' I answered no to both questions. I mean, I don't think half-naked women are disgusting, but she doesn't think a poster with a naked man is hot either. But why do people think it's different to love the same sex? Don't they understand that love is love? They're also cool about a white girl and a dark boy being together. Then they also say: love doesn't know anything about race. Well, I think love doesn't know any bounds. __________________ .That's myself in the mirror.