Do you know any... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

mnguy · 2nd Jan 2011, 05:45 PM

Do you know any men or women who might very well be gay or lesbian yet they date/marry people of the opposite gender? Maybe it's not as common for the younger generation, but with people of my age and older it seems to happen quite a bit. People continuing to do this prevents an accurate count of gay people. True, I'm not out, but isn't it better to do that than to bamboozle a woman/guy into a false relationship just to conform to society's expectations?

straal1972 · 2nd Jan 2011, 06:11 PM

Hey mnguy. In my own case I didn't realize that I was gay until recently. I did the whole dating, marrying and having kids thing. All before I fully realized that I was trying to live up to a stereotype. Yes this may have screwed up the census takers, but oh well, it happens. I'm working on being proud to be counted in.

mnguy · 2nd Jan 2011, 07:01 PM

Let me clarify. My thought on this is about people who know they are gay or who don't understand why other guys are so into women yet they go ahead and get into those relationships and marriage. I'm not thinking of people who get married before realizing they're gay.

Strall, I'm glad you're moving forward and I imagine that your coming out was very hard.

I wanted to talk about this since there are people out there who know they're gay (I think I've known some), yet they knowingly choose to start and get deep into opposite gender relationships. If you know someone or you've done this, I'm just curious how they/you decided to do that instead of staying single. It seems like more people who know they're gay and don't come out, pick the relationship path instead of staying single and I'm just curious why.

My experience: I'm single and yes it rather sucks, but it has been bearable. It seems a lot easier and kinder than faking it with a woman.

2nd Jan 2011, 07:12 PM

I have never even heard of someone faking it, when they knew they were gay in real life.

**Lexington** · 2nd Jan 2011, 07:56 PM

I know two guys who are roughly 25-30, and they both set off my gaydar something fierce. However, they both say they're straight, and I know at least one of them was dating a woman for awhile (not sure if he still is). Do I think they're heavily closeted? Nah. I just assume they've got that "gay vibe". They certainly don't have any problem having gay friends (like me). They neither try to cozy up to me to "find out what it's like", nor do they distance themselves from me. I just assume they're being honest - they're somewhat gay-acting straight guys.

Lex

Paper Heart · 2nd Jan 2011, 08:03 PM

I have LISTS of guys that are gay/bi but closeted. I tend to flirt with them a bit, just to tease them, which sounds bitchy but I think of it as good fun, and opens me as a possible gay mentor to them.

TheWanderer · 3rd Jan 2011, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Gaga

I have never even heard of someone faking it, when they knew they were gay in real life.

I did for like 6 years. 4 of them I wasn't to sure and the other two I was afraid to admit it.

concklin · 3rd Jan 2011, 09:12 AM

This doesn't quite fit but I know a guy who is bi, not out (not like he needs to be anyway) and is dating a girl. Which is no big deal, except for the fact he's secretly cruising for guys on the internet.

He goes to my college but I also went to high school with him. Me, and anyone else who knew him thought he was gay upon first meeting him.

malachite · 3rd Jan 2011, 09:49 AM

I know a few who were/are married and I get blip on my gay-dar

**Ben** · 3rd Jan 2011, 09:52 AM

I know a guy who knows he's gay and has been in a relationship with a girl for ages.
He's done sexual things with this guy I know. Scandalous!

maverick · 3rd Jan 2011, 02:47 PM

Quote:

He's done sexual things with this guy I know. Scandalous!

Quote:

Which is no big deal, except for the fact he's secretly cruising for guys on the internet.

^ I think guys like this are responsible for a LOT of negative stereotypes about gay people. Because of a few people who act downlow, the rest of us get painted with the "slutty two-faced seducer" brush.

I don't like it.

mnguy · 3rd Jan 2011, 03:52 PM

I was thinking more about this and I had two thoughts.

-- There is a lack of education about human sexuality in public schools. I don't recall sexuality being explained even in basic terms in health/sex ed classes. It seems so simple to explain that some people are attracted to others of the same gender, some to both, and some to opposite and give the names to each type and that it's unknown exactly why, but they are all normal for each person. If I had learned this in 6th grade or even 9th grade, I would have understood my wanting to be friends with certain guys for what it really was.

-- It seems society values conformity over honesty, especially in terms of sexuality.

2nd Jan 2011, 05:45 PM	#1
mnguy EC Regular Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: People likely assume Location: MN Age: 36 Posts: 895 Join Date: Nov 2006	Do you know any... Do you know any men or women who might very well be gay or lesbian yet they date/marry people of the opposite gender? Maybe it's not as common for the younger generation, but with people of my age and older it seems to happen quite a bit. People continuing to do this prevents an accurate count of gay people. True, I'm not out, but isn't it better to do that than to bamboozle a woman/guy into a false relationship just to conform to society's expectations?

2nd Jan 2011, 06:11 PM	#2
straal1972 EC chat slayer Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: I'm out to everyone who's important to me Location: Outside of Barrie On Age: 39 Posts: 510 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: Do you know any... Hey mnguy. In my own case I didn't realize that I was gay until recently. I did the whole dating, marrying and having kids thing. All before I fully realized that I was trying to live up to a stereotype. Yes this may have screwed up the census takers, but oh well, it happens. I'm working on being proud to be counted in. __________________ Sweat, baby, sweat, baby. Sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about. So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts! Do it now! You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals . So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel -Bloodhound Gang

2nd Jan 2011, 07:01 PM	#3
mnguy EC Regular Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: People likely assume Location: MN Age: 36 Posts: 895 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: Do you know any... Let me clarify. My thought on this is about people who know they are gay or who don't understand why other guys are so into women yet they go ahead and get into those relationships and marriage. I'm not thinking of people who get married before realizing they're gay. Strall, I'm glad you're moving forward and I imagine that your coming out was very hard. I wanted to talk about this since there are people out there who know they're gay (I think I've known some), yet they knowingly choose to start and get deep into opposite gender relationships. If you know someone or you've done this, I'm just curious how they/you decided to do that instead of staying single. It seems like more people who know they're gay and don't come out, pick the relationship path instead of staying single and I'm just curious why. My experience: I'm single and yes it rather sucks, but it has been bearable. It seems a lot easier and kinder than faking it with a woman.

2nd Jan 2011, 07:12 PM	#4
Lady Gaga Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Do you know any... I have never even heard of someone faking it, when they knew they were gay in real life.

2nd Jan 2011, 07:56 PM	#5
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,371 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Do you know any... I know two guys who are roughly 25-30, and they both set off my gaydar something fierce. However, they both say they're straight, and I know at least one of them was dating a woman for awhile (not sure if he still is). Do I think they're heavily closeted? Nah. I just assume they've got that "gay vibe". They certainly don't have any problem having gay friends (like me). They neither try to cozy up to me to "find out what it's like", nor do they distance themselves from me. I just assume they're being honest - they're somewhat gay-acting straight guys. Lex

2nd Jan 2011, 08:03 PM	#6
Paper Heart The Fool Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and About =D Location: The tiny red dot in Massachusetts. Age: 19 Posts: 500 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: Do you know any... I have LISTS of guys that are gay/bi but closeted. I tend to flirt with them a bit, just to tease them, which sounds bitchy but I think of it as good fun, and opens me as a possible gay mentor to them. __________________ I don't understand how lightning is in competition with an above ground swimming pool.

3rd Jan 2011, 09:12 AM	#8
concklin EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: You Ask, I'll Tell Location: Troy, NY Age: 22 Posts: 446 Join Date: May 2010	Re: Do you know any... This doesn't quite fit but I know a guy who is bi, not out (not like he needs to be anyway) and is dating a girl. Which is no big deal, except for the fact he's secretly cruising for guys on the internet. He goes to my college but I also went to high school with him. Me, and anyone else who knew him thought he was gay upon first meeting him.

3rd Jan 2011, 09:49 AM	#9
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Do you know any... I know a few who were/are married and I get blip on my gay-dar __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.

3rd Jan 2011, 09:52 AM	#10
Ben Was Invisible. EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 20 Posts: 3,705 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Do you know any... I know a guy who knows he's gay and has been in a relationship with a girl for ages. He's done sexual things with this guy I know. Scandalous!

3rd Jan 2011, 03:52 PM	#12
mnguy EC Regular Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: People likely assume Location: MN Age: 36 Posts: 895 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: Do you know any... I was thinking more about this and I had two thoughts. -- There is a lack of education about human sexuality in public schools. I don't recall sexuality being explained even in basic terms in health/sex ed classes. It seems so simple to explain that some people are attracted to others of the same gender, some to both, and some to opposite and give the names to each type and that it's unknown exactly why, but they are all normal for each person. If I had learned this in 6th grade or even 9th grade, I would have understood my wanting to be friends with certain guys for what it really was. -- It seems society values conformity over honesty, especially in terms of sexuality.