Male sexual fluidity

[Dan82]

Has anyone one else experienced a change in their sexuality? To clarify I don’t mean change in identity, I mean and actual change in feelings. I feel that mine has definitely changed over time. One thing that’s incredibly frustrating is that most of the information available on sexual fluidity deals only with female sexuality and assumes that male sexuality is fixed; yet I know that I’ve experienced a change myself.

[radiantdawn]

I don't know how credible or valid my vote is >_< But I haven't experienced any change like... from bi to gay or straight to gay or anything. I've just always been gay as long as I can remember being physically and emotionally and romantically attracted to someone. Is that what this thread is about? Or is it like... how strong your sexuality has been before and after, and if there's been any change. I'm a bit confuzzled. Maybe other people might be too, so you could clarify a bit and then we'll be golden : )

[Dan82]

Originally Posted by radiantdawn

I don't know how credible or valid my vote is >_< But I haven't experienced any change like... from bi to gay or straight to gay or anything. I've just always been gay as long as I can remember being physically and emotionally and romantically attracted to someone. Is that what this thread is about?

More or less, but it also leaves room for things like going from being bi and primarily attracted to females to being bi and primarily attracted to males or changing from gay without any attraction to females to being gay with minor attractions to females.

[Ridiculous]

I've only ever been sexually attracted to males.

I've always been atleast romantically attracted to females a small amount, and this attraction fluctuates (it's never been very strong), but never sexually attracted.

So I put no as my answer.

[British Lad]

I am too young to know so I am not answering.

[maverick]

Interesting this came up. I was just thinking yesterday how I feel my sexuality has changed a lot just since coming out. I consider myself bi, but lately I have felt myself much more strongly attracted to women than men, and that was not always the case. I've always felt romantic attraction towards women since high school, but couldn't imagine being with them sexually. Now I imagine it all the time!

At the same time though, these days I am also feeling a little sexual attraction to a hetero guy I know who has been expressing attraction for me, and that is a really confusing situation. Honestly, I feel like a straight guy who has been blindsided by a mild sexual attraction to a flirtatious gay friend.

I think my sexual fluidity right now is a result of still coming to terms with being transgendered. I think I'll probably remain bisexual to some degree throughout my life just because I've been caught in the middle for so long, but primarily I can see myself pursuing deeper relationships with women now that I am embracing the fact that I'm gay, for better or worse. So while I might be open to sexual solicitation from men, I'd be much more likely to seek out women on my own as the pursuer.

If I settle down with a guy, since I'm male-minded, that's pretty gay on my part. And since I would only settle down with a guy who recognized me as one too, it'd be pretty obvious that we were gay.

But if I settle down with a girl, because I was born female-bodied, lots of people will consider that gay, too. Even though as a transgendered person, if my main attraction is to women, that makes me mostly heterosexual.

Basically, being a tranny means I'm stuck being one of those "flagrant homosexuals" no matter which sex I sleep with.

[ArcaneVerse]

I think the focus on female sexual fluidity stems from the general theory that women are more about personality over looks, where as its believed guys are more susceptible to the visual over personality\emotional connection.

So guys who are solely attracted to girls would have trouble finding something physically attractive about a guy, but a female who is solely attracted to men could find something emotionally attractive in another female.

anyways that's just my thoughts on it.

Now about myself, I wouldn't use the word "change" to describe anything that I experienced but fluid on the other hand is better suited.

I have never been able to pin down my exact sexuality, much like holding water by cupping your hands it just wont stay put, a lot of this has to do with my many insecurities and other issues but I do also believe it shifts back a forth on its own.

To be honest though I never much liked the ideology of "Fluid sexuality", not because it sounds like something entirely different then what it means, but because if something can naturally change then it can be forcibly changed. I personally believe that "Fluid Sexuality" is a cover term for being confused and or is a subgroup of Bisexuality.

I don't believe someone can go from being at one end (Straight) to the opposite end (Gay), without being either gay or wrong about your original sexual identity.

[Lexington]

I don't THINK my sexuality has changed over time. Or at least, not that much.

I didn't realize I was gay until I was 20 or so. I'm pretty sure that's because I'm simply not visually attuned. I don't ogle guys (and never ogled girls), or had one catch my eye. If I'm looking at hot guys, it's because I deliberately set out to look at them. If I don't, I never find one catching my eye. So I just assumed I was straight (and perhaps rather undersexed) until I deliberately tried looking at hot guys...and suddenly realized I wasn't undersexed in the slightest.

But like most things, it's not a constant. My sex drive ebbs and flows. And what interests me can ebb and flow, too. Sometimes my fantasies can be heavily physical for awhile, and then they turn more emotional. Occasionally, I'll fantasize about a woman, but I don't think that's me turning straight (or bi) - it's just continuing the "fantasizing about what I don't have" thing that's common to everyone.

Lex

[Revan]

Uhh I think I clicked it has changed, but now that I think about it it has changed. Went from thinking I liked girls, to guys and girls, to just guys. Then I had a little doubt because of my best friend, but then it went right back to Kinsey 6 after my friend kissed me lol

[Shevanel]

For me, when talking about sexual fluidity, I get an image of a device like this in my head.


That pretty much explains it for me. And it's not even a big rocking with me, just a subtle one, but waves are still created.

[Zontar]

I frankly am still uncertain. I don't believe I'll ever obtain a clear answer.

[Dan82]

Originally Posted by ArcaneVerse

I think the focus on female sexual fluidity stems from the general theory that women are more about personality over looks, where as its believed guys are more susceptible to the visual over personality\emotional connection.

So guys who are solely attracted to girls would have trouble finding something physically attractive about a guy, but a female who is solely attracted to men could find something emotionally attractive in another female.

Funny for me it’s the other way around. I sometimes have a physical toward women but I never feel an emotional attraction; so I feel more fluidity in my physical attractions than my emotional ones.

Originally Posted by ArcaneVerse

I don't believe someone can go from being at one end (Straight) to the opposite end (Gay), without being either gay or wrong about your original sexual identity.

I guess that depends on how you define straight and gay, when I was in middle and high school I was primarily attract to girls with a smaller interest in boys (not sure if I was straight or straight leaning bi and I identified as straight), now I’m attracted to guys with a slight interest in girls so such a change is possible.

[Mogget]

Originally Posted by Lexington

I didn't realize I was gay until I was 20 or so. I'm pretty sure that's because I'm simply not visually attuned. I don't ogle guys (and never ogled girls), or had one catch my eye. If I'm looking at hot guys, it's because I deliberately set out to look at them. If I don't, I never find one catching my eye. So I just assumed I was straight (and perhaps rather undersexed) until I deliberately tried looking at hot guys...and suddenly realized I wasn't undersexed in the slightest.
Lex

This is more or less what happened to me. Except that once I started, I became visually attuned.

That said, I do feel that my sexuality has been fluid. I used to find girls quite a bit more attractive than I do now, especially romantically. And even now the right girl can turn my head in ways that make me doubt my sexuality altogether. (I'm looking at you Emma Stone!)

[Chip]

Originally Posted by Dan82

when I was in middle and high school I was primarily attract to girls with a smaller interest in boys (not sure if I was straight or straight leaning bi and I identified as straight), now I’m attracted to guys with a slight interest in girls so such a change is possible.

Well, Kinsey's work certainly indicated that some fluidity was possible in sexual orientation over time, but I also wouldn't rule out the possibility that your biological orientation and your mental concept of your orientation might not have been in sync. Your status says you are not out to anyone, so i could infer that in high school it was probably very, very uncomfortable to acknowledge your same-sex feelings, and that can certainly have an influence on your perceptions of where you fall on the sexuality scale; if there's resistance in your own mind to the idea of identifying as "gay", then it may be safer, emotionally, to identify as "mostly attracted to girls", and it's amazing how, if you set your mind to it, that can affect how you view yourself. It won't make you straight, but it might make you ignore other indications that might swing the pendulum in the other direction.

So it's very possible that as you are getting older, you're becoming more comfortable with the gay side of your bisexuality, and so are allowing yourself to open up to, and explore your feelings more fully. Or perhaps other things have changed in your life that might help make things easier to do that.

In any case, I wouldn't fret about it. As you become more comfortable with your identity, and begin to tell people in real life, then i think the picture will become clearer for you as to where you really fall on the spectrum.

[ArcaneVerse]

Originally Posted by Dan82

Funny for me it’s the other way around. I sometimes have a physical toward women but I never feel an emotional attraction; so I feel more fluidity in my physical attractions than my emotional ones.

Oh I wasn't saying that's how it always is or that I even believe it, I was just stating that its a very common theory and belief that women are more about the emotional and men are more about the visual and that is probably why female sexual fluidity is studied and covered more then the male side of things.

Originally Posted by Dan82

I guess that depends on how you define straight and gay, when I was in middle and high school I was primarily attract to girls with a smaller interest in boys (not sure if I was straight or straight leaning bi and I identified as straight), now I’m attracted to guys with a slight interest in girls so such a change is possible.

Chip pretty much covered this with his reply.

[adam88]

Nice thread.

I was mostly straight up until maybe my early twenties. I found girls sexy, however from time to time I'd get these little, confusing urges about guys. As these gay thoughts began to reach my brain, I did what I'd always done with things I found uncomfortable: buried them. Thus, I was in a tremendous amount of denial until just over a year ago.

When I'd first heard of Kinsey's work and the concept of sexual fluidity, even though I considered myself straight (and was terribly in denial at the time) I still didn't think I belonged on the 0 of the scale. I thought, maybe 0.5 or a 1, but I'd never act on it. And certainly never tell anyone about it, so it was like it never existed.

Nowadays... Physically (as in, "are they sexy") I lean slightly straight (I'd prefer to look at a girl than a guy... much of the time, anyways) but romantically I lean slightly the other way. In the end it's close, though; it's all up to the individual with me.

I hope this made sense.

[Dan82]

Originally Posted by Chip

Well, Kinsey's work certainly indicated that some fluidity was possible in sexual orientation over time, but I also wouldn't rule out the possibility that your biological orientation and your mental concept of your orientation might not have been in sync. Your status says you are not out to anyone, so i could infer that in high school it was probably very, very uncomfortable to acknowledge your same-sex feelings

I wasn’t really uncomfortable with having same-sex feelings, I certainly didn’t want to “be gay” or perceived as gay but I didn’t have any problem with my same-sex fantasies.

Originally Posted by Chip

and that can certainly have an influence on your perceptions of where you fall on the sexuality scale; if there's resistance in your own mind to the idea of identifying as "gay", then it may be safer, emotionally, to identify as "mostly attracted to girls", and it's amazing how, if you set your mind to it, that can affect how you view yourself. It won't make you straight, but it might make you ignore other indications that might swing the pendulum in the other direction.

There’s certainly some truth to that but even in retrospect I was more into girls and less into guys as teenager than I am now.

Originally Posted by Chip

So it's very possible that as you are getting older, you're becoming more comfortable with the gay side of your bisexuality,

I don’t feel that bisexual is the best label for me, while I have some interest in girls I don’t think that it’s strong enough to consider myself bisexual.

Originally Posted by Chip

In any case, I wouldn't fret about it. As you become more comfortable with your identity, and begin to tell people in real life, then i think the picture will become clearer for you as to where you really fall on the spectrum.

I’m comfortable with my identity now, the main reason I’m still closeted is because I am extremely uncomfortable talking about myself. The main reason I started this topic is because I feel that the common perceptions of sexuality don’t match my experience.

[Holmes]

Very much so in my case. I can point to possible gay indicators throughout my youth and teenage years, but you'd expect at least that given I did turn out to be gay. But even though I had recognised my gay feelings for what they were at certain points, I later found myself completely enamoured by certain girl classmates of mine. I had been in an all boys school for four years and was then mixed when I was 16 and 17. At that point I started being interested in these new people. During that time, I did ask two of them out and came close to building something up with another.

During my first four college, I went between thinking I might be gay to liking particular girls and dated a girl for 14 weeks, till she broke up with me (for another boy who wasn't straight). Even after the point in November '08 that I realised I had a crush on one of my best friends and started coming out as gay, I still found myself liking certain girls. I knew which way things were going to settle, and found those straight feelings a distraction, and didn't talk about them that much with others. It was a relief to me when I properly felt gay after all that time, really since I was 11, of some sort of internal pendulum swinging between boys and girls.

[Brandford]

I personally believe EVERYONE falls within the 1-6 range and no one is a perfect 6 or 1, but anyway when I was younger I was very attracted to girls but as I got older there was a shift and now theres only a select few girls I meet who I find attractive.

[Holmes]

Originally Posted by Brandford

I personally believe EVERYONE falls within the 1-6 range and no one is a perfect 6 or 1, but anyway when I was younger I was very attracted to girls but as I got older there was a shift and now theres only a select few girls I meet who I find attractive.

But I still think that in any meaningful sense, most people are straight. The distribution along the Kinsey scale has a heavy bias towards 1.