Are you "Not Straight"?

[Zontar]

I've struggled to find a simple, easy way to identify who I am sexually for quite some time now. At times, I feel bisexual...other times, I wonder if I would consider myself entirely gay. There's such nebulous denotation for each term that I feel none of it sufficiently describes what exactly is going on in Zontar Land.

However...by any stretch of the imagination, I certainly know I'm not straight. I don't think I can call myself straight if most of my fantasies jump back to guys, thinking such-and-such porn image would be hotter as a guy, and wishing for a male mate. I do have sexual feelings for females as well, but I wouldn't be able to call myself straight because of this high incidence. Likewise, the feelings for females are strong enough that I don't think I could ever reasonably say I am "gay" either. I would call it a day and claim I'm bisexual...but the vast majority of my fantasies are gay in nature. There's just no conventional label that fits...other than "not straight."

So, if anyone asks me about my orientation...I think I'll just claim I'm "not straight." It sums it up much better than any other label. Do any of you feel "not straight"?

[heatqueen]

Me!!!

*hates labels*

I dunno what on earth I am, only that I've definitely been into girls before.

[maverick]

I feel really, really weird still about identifying myself as transgendered to other people, mostly because folks associate it with such negative stereotypes, like mental illness and sexual fetishes.

At the same time, I feel guilty for simply representing myself as queer instead, because a) it's not really the most accurate description for my sexuality, and b) I feel like lack of transgender visibility is one of the reasons we catch such a shit time of it.

Only my immediate family and best friend know that I identify as a bisexual guy. I just describe myself as queer if it comes up in conversation.

So yeah, "not straight" pretty much covers it, since I'm typically attracted to lesbians, gay guys, transgenders, genderqueers, and other bisexuals.

[ArcaneVerse]

Yeah Its one of a few "labels" that come close to what I feel I am. Queer, Not Straight, Bisexual-ish, Mostly Gay, not bent just curved, etc etc.

Took me a very long time to be ok with not fitting into one of the 2 black and white labels (Gay & Straight), same with Bisexuality, but I am finally in a more secure place about lacking a defining term. Yeah some days its still hard but that's just the way things are.

Go with what sits right with you now, if nothing feels right then don't use a label and if in the future some other word feels more right then start using that. No biggie either way. I mean after all they are just terms that are meant to make us feel more comfortable with ourselves and give us something to belong too.

[Chandra]

Yep, you can count me in with the no-label, not-straight crowd.

[Beachboi92]

i personally prefer the label queer in my mind it covers everything not straight gay or bi xD

[AlyssWonderland]

Totally. My sexuality changes basically on a day to day basis of whether I like guys or girls more. Today I felt more straight, yesterday I felt more lesbian. So saying 'not straight' would definitely cover it pretty accurately.

[Revan]

Teehee....it's still a label.

[Nat3]

I label myself as Human... and I they asked if I am straight...I tell them, they themselves have many bended curves in their body>.>

[Lexington]

I totally don't mind the "gay" label, simply because it fits me. Yes, I can find women attractive, and even can fantasize about one from time to time. But, as I often say, just because I had coffee a couple times doesn't suddenly make me a "coffee drinker".

You're more than welcome to say you're "bisexual, leaning towards gay". That seems to cover all the bases. If somebody wants to think that that means you're too scared to commit or something, that's their own business.

Lex

[ccdd]

My feelings are almost exactly the same as yours - although from the female perspective! I have (I think?) liked men, although most of the time my mind returns to women. I waver between bisexual and gay, and sometimes wonder if I'm just gay and sometimes like men, or what.

This is how it's been for a while and I now tend to say that I'm "not straight" or "bisexual mostly gay". "Not straight" is my favourite term to describe myself, partly because it defines what I'm not, which is something I'm able to do. But when talking to others I usually say "bisexual mostly gay" because otherwise they just start asking more questions!

What this actually means though is anyone's guess. I do sometimes ask myself this though: if it were reversed, and I were as straight as I am gay and as gay as I am straight, would I just call myself straight? Probably.

[JoeG]

Originally Posted by ccdd

My feelings are almost exactly the same as yours - although from the female perspective! I have (I think?) liked men, although most of the time my mind returns to women. I waver between bisexual and gay, and sometimes wonder if I'm just gay and sometimes like men, or what.

This is how it's been for a while and I now tend to say that I'm "not straight" or "bisexual mostly gay". "Not straight" is my favourite term to describe myself, partly because it defines what I'm not, which is something I'm able to do. But when talking to others I usually say "bisexual mostly gay" because otherwise they just start asking more questions!

What this actually means though is anyone's guess. I do sometimes ask myself this though: if it were reversed, and I were as straight as I am gay and as gay as I am straight, would I just call myself straight? Probably.

I had that (from a males perspective) for ages and ages. i think wot some dont realise is that it takes time, and u shouldn't label ur self if ur not sure, i used to jsut say bi, 90% male sided thou, and that was it...

Thing is wot some people don't real also is that gay and bi and some straight, etc can still TELL when the opposite sex is 'fit, hot, nice' wot ever u would lable them...(and which still suprises most, they go joe, u said u were gay, right...so im like, yh but i can still tell wot u may percive to be fit...)
But the best thing is the % comment (above) or 'lean to one side', (thanks lex), and after that it's up to them to work it out,, and not ur worry iether.

joex

[Morphim]

I think "not straight" is as good as any other label.
I say I'm gay because that's what I feel like I am. I find some women beautiful but I haven't felt any sexual attraction towards them, ever.

[GhostDog]

Originally Posted by JoeG

Thing is wot some people don't real also is that gay and bi and some straight, etc can still TELL when the opposite sex is 'fit, hot, nice' wot ever u would lable them...(and which still suprises most, they go joe, u said u were gay, right...so im like, yh but i can still tell wot u may percive to be fit...)
But the best thing is the % comment (above) or 'lean to one side', (thanks lex), and after that it's up to them to work it out,, and not ur worry iether.

joex

My favorite phrase for what is, "What? I'm gay, not blind."

I've been going with "gay", personally, not because I'm turned off by guys or anything (not really turned on by them either, but still). But rather, after several years of asking myself, "Wait, would I actually go out with a guy?" the answer is still, "Meh. I don't know." Whereas my answer concerning women is something like Animal from the Muppet Show shouting "WO-MAN! WO-MAN! WO-MAN!" So, eh. I'd prefer to be with a woman and saying "bisexual" just seems like it might give guys the wrong idea. Even "gay but curious" sounds like it might make a dude think "gay but curious, WITH YOU".

Even so, I'm not going to live my life assuming that's set in stone. Considering there are a whole lot more straight (or bi) guys than there are queer girls in the world, I may end up meeting that one-in-a-million dude who completely bypasses my orientation with awesome. Who knows? It could be like that one episode of Buffy... (Although the dude in that case just had an enchanted letter jacket.)

Originally Posted by Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 7, episode 6

DAWN
What's going on?

ANYA
Willow thinks she's in love with my boyfriend, R.J.

DAWN
What? No! You two can't do this.

BUFFY
Willow, you're a gay woman—and he isn't.

WILLOW
This isn't about his physical presence. It's about his heart.

ANYA
His physical presence has a penis!

WILLOW
I can work around it!

[Holmes]

Originally Posted by Beachboi92

i personally prefer the label queer in my mind it covers everything not straight gay or bi xD

Queer to my mind suggests a certain type of Foucaultian theory and activism, seeing a value in overturning traditional views of sexuality.

I don't really get the problem with labels, as you put them. It's true to say that I'm gay because I like men, just as it's accurate to describe me as short (or at least below average height), with brown hair and grey eyes. And I'm fairly sure in those respects I'll stay as that for now, but during teenage years, relative height and hair colour can change over time just as sexuality. And if suddenly I did fall in love with a women, it would just mean I wasn't as gay as I thought. I doubt that will happen, but using gay to describe me now won't change that one way or other.

I also don't think the terms gay and bi are mutually exclusive.

[ArcaneVerse]

Originally Posted by GhostDog

Omg your totally awesome for posting that, buffy is like the best thing ever <3. was a good episode.

[Lotty]

Not straight...
That's totally PERFECT!
'Cause I'm not sure either...
Bi or lesbian, doesn't matter, I'm just not straight

[Hotspot]

I used to call my self not straight, because I hate the "G" word.

But then I came up with my own word "Curved".

But yeah, I'm not straight! I mean I like men and men only, but I won't call myself that word..

[IThinkInCircles]

story of my freaking life.