Okay, so pretty sure my coworker knows I'm gay, she just thinks that I don't.

[maverick]

Okay, so me and a coworker were just having a conversation about the TV show Mad Men (which I've never seen). My coworker starts going into this long spiel about one character Salvatore Romano, a closeted gay man who, according to her, "doesn't even know that he's gay" and that "everyone else in his office knows".

Well, segue into this different topic of discussion was a little awkward, because it sort of came out of nowhere - one minute we were talking about TV shows, and the next we were randomly talking about closeted homosexuals (actually, she was talking, I was just kind of nodding along). This conversation actually sounded a lot more like one of those "I have this friend" conversations, if you know what I mean.

So now I am pretty sure that based on that conversation that my coworker understands I'm gay and in the closet, since I don't go around declaring my sexuality to everyone who walks through my office door.

It sort of bothers me though that she might think I am closeted because I don't know that I'm gay. I have never denied being queer to anyone who has bothered to ask about it, but it seems instead of asking, a lot of people would rather bait you into bringing it up, either by saying disparaging things about gays to see if you'll speak up against them (another one of my coworkers) or by injecting "gay topics" into otherwise-unrelated conversations so your gay person has a chance to admit to being gay themselves, since they have an opener (most of my other coworkers).

It's funny, but it's kind of frustrating too. If someone wants to know whether I'm queer or not, all they have to do is ask. But I don't feel like it's my responsibility to "own up" to being gay every time something gay gets thrown into conversation, and that's sort of the feeling I get every time someone brings it up. Like someone will say something about gays, and then everyone sits back and waits for me to be like, "Yup, I'm gay. Who won the pot?"

[mnguy]

I also find a lot of what you described annoying. One guy at work would say stuff like "that car/music/whatever is gay" of course meaning it's stupid or worthless. He also liked to talk about jerking off and other sexual things when we'd be in the car going out to lunch. He's one of the guys who I wouldn't be surprised if he's gay, but got married anyway. If he really wanted to know if I'm gay, baiting me was the worst way possible. When people do that it makes me even less likely to bring it up.

[xballetxbeautyx]

Originally Posted by maverick

or by injecting "gay topics" into otherwise-unrelated conversations so your gay person has a chance to admit to being gay themselves, since they have an opener (most of my other coworkers).

*raises hand* So guilty. I use that technique to try and figure out other people and to get them to ask me when I don't want to randomly be like "Oh yeah, by the way I'm gay!"

But I don't do the "I have this friend..." thing. If someone did that to me it would actually piss me off.

[midwestblues]

Does she know you're trans?

[Beachboi92]

I find the best coming out method is to be myself xD I just have the kind of friends that at some point a sexual conversation is bound to come up or a "he's hot" or "she's hot" conversation will happen and based simply on my completely honest responses i usually make it clear. I mean when you sitting at a table with a stranger and your friend goes "dude that guy over there is so hot" and you go "oh damn your right" it tends to clear things up xD that or they are like "yeah i was with this one guy and he was really into this" and i go "well my last boyfriend was etc etc" then people get the memo xD