"Everyone's a little bit bisexual"

[Holmes]

Some of you might have noticed that it bothers me a bit when people throw out this statement. It probably shouldn't that much, but I think it was partly that I thought that whatever feelings I had for boys wasn't really that big of a deal that it was so long before I realized that I was actually gay (there were other things that delayed things as well, but I do think this was part of it).

If by bisexual we mean, "someone who can form romantic and sexual attraction to members of both sexes", and it has to mean something like that, then I think a very small proportion of the population are actually bisexual. Yes, many people can think someone of their own sex is good-looking, but there's a difference between finding someone of the same sex attractive and feeling same-sex attraction.

It is true that many gay people have had relationships with people of the opposite sex. I did myself, went out with a girl for 14 weeks when I was 20. And I was into her, I wasn't trying to force myself to try it knowing I was gay, and she was the one to break it off. But now that I've come out, I've lost all interest in girls from that point of view. I still think Karen Gillan (Amy in Doctor Who) is incredibly sexy, I'm am probably more bisexual than some gay men, maybe a Kinsey 5. But as a general statement of my orientation, I'm gay not bi.

Whereas when I was younger, hearing this statement, I thought I was just more bisexual than most straight men, so it might work with such-and-such a girl. So in retrospect, I think it's quite a misleading concept.

[Revan]

I've gone out with a girl for 9 months...doesn't mean I'm bisexual, just means I didn't know who I really was. I thought being straight was the norm, I didn't even know what gay meant till like grade 8...

[Connor22]

^ditto, when asked what gay was I replied "that's when you like girls" but hey, maybe we are all just a wee bit bi, does it matter? I mean sure I might get attracted to the odd girl or two but ultimately all I want is to live and be with another guy, does that make me gay? I think so, I can't train my body that it's lads only but it doesn't matter, I know what my end goal is and my body sorta leans that way anyway.

[roborama]

this does bug me, especially after coming out to some of my straight friends and later one of them saying well why dont you just go back to guys. its because i am not in anyway shape or form bisexual. grrr well im in a bad mood today so it might just be the edgyness but still. very few people are truly bisexual

[Shevanel]

I like how people are so definite about things that they do not have valid research or experience with. This goes for people who assume things like how "everyone is a little bit bisexual" AND to people saying things like "Very few people are truly bisexual". That's the same exact kind of wrongful assumption that you are making statements to complain about in the first place.

[thedreamwatch]

I agree that we should note that bisexuality means different things to different people. For myself, I identify as a lesbian, but the reality is, I'm only a 5 on the Kinsey scale and that means that there IS a (very very small) possibility that I would find a guy that I wanted to sleep with. I don't know if it would go any farther than that, but does that make me bisexual? I don't know, you tell me.

It's not just gay/bi/straight. It's a whole dang crazy spectrum, just like most other things. But that doesn't mean I think that "everyone is a little bit bisexual".

[radiantdawn]

Urmm... I have to disagree 100% with the statement, not the OP though. I've never ever ever liked girls. Sorry females : (

[Moonstrike]

I think that this statement derives from the fact(?) that everyone gets attracted to weird things every now and again. I may find a girl attractive on a certain level and for a breif moment but I may also find my pillow attractive for the same amount of time and on the same kind of level (this example doesnt apply to me; I'm not telling you guys the weird things I've been attracted to).

[adam88]

Interesting topic, and one that comes down entirely to definitions. If you define bisexuality as "capable of, either now or in the past or future, having some kind of feelings for both your own gender and the opposite", then sure, a huge amount of those that identify as gay or straight will fall under this banner, inflating the numbers and making the assertion "everyone is bi" seem almost correct. If you define it as "equally willing to form relationships with either gender" then the number of bisexuals in the world will be very small.

So me, I define it as "those who are willing to identify as bisexual". Anyone willing to call themselves bisexual is bisexual. Sure, we run into those who are really gay and think coming out as bi will be less of a shock, or those that are straight but want to titillate the opposite sex with some same-sex makeouts, but really it's not a club and there's no membership fee or card in your wallet (wish there was ).

So, my thoughts.

[Chip]

If we look at the Kinsey research (for all its flaws), then technically it's a pretty close to accurate statement that "everyone is a little bit bisexual" because Kinsey said that only about 10% of the population is 0 or 6 and everyone else is somewhere on the continuum.

As I've often said before, people like to classify sexuality as trinary, but it isn't. It is a spectrum, and everyone is somewhere on the spectrum, though a majority probably cluster toward 0 or 6, and for some, where they fall may vary somewhat over time.

I think the labels are potentially misleading and not that important. What seems like the most valuable take-away for me is the idea that there's a lot of nuance and variation in our individual sexuality.

[Beachboi92]

Sexuality is fluid the big issues we see pertain to social stigma and the creation of labels.

In places where there are no labels for gay/lesbian/straight/bisexual etc and where same sex relations are viewed as normal 90% of the population is involved romantically or sexually with both sexes with 5% showing completely heterosexual tendencies and 5% showing completely homosexual ones.

Unfortunately we don't live in that society. I read about it in a book i was using for a college paper i was writing i can't remember what it was called or the specific area where the author studied.

[GhostDog]

Everyone's a little bit racist, sometiii- oh wait, oops, wrong thread.

It's really hard to quantify what "everyone" is, because "everyone" has different definitions. Am I a little bit bisexual? Probably, yeah. Would I ever actually date a man? Prooobably not. The fact that I sigh happily every time I see David Tennant as Doctor Who would lead some to declare, "a HA! Bisexual!" And, y'know, fair point.

Doesn't make me any more likely to actually date a dude, though.

There's a huuuge bias towards people who are monosexual. Everyone's raised to think they're straight, pretty much, so any errant fantasies tend to get dismissed as "everyone has those every once in a while!" And the gay community? Hoo boy. "Lezfaux", "hasbian", and all kinds of derogatory names that get used to deride queer girls who aren't a 100% goldstar. God forbid you're a bisexual girl who prefers men. Bisexuals get suspicious enough responses from the straight community, but oh, a lot of the gay community sees them as downright traitorous (especially if you started out calling yourself gay!)

If you think of yourself as straight, you're not going to want to add an asterisk to that just because you have those dreams about Jessica Alba occasionally. (... Unless you're one of those girls who decides being "bisexual" will make you sexier to boys, sigh. "Everyone's a little bit bisexual, if you have enough tequila!") If you've labeled yourself as gay, even if you figure out later you're bisexual, it takes a lot of brass to face the inevitable backlash from the gay community.

So, maybe there are a lot of people who are at least a little bit bisexual, or have been or will be at some point in their lives. I'm down with that if it means more girls to make out with. ;P But people keep throwing out percentages there, and studies on sexuality are so, so hard do, because how do you define it? What if you used to be bisexual but have been only attracted to the same sex for the past five years? Vice versa? What if someone went from being exclusively attracted to men, and then switched to women without looking back? What if someone's romantically attracted to women, but sexually attracted to men? How do you put that on a data chart? Do you define their sexuality as what it is now, or for the past year, or past ten years, or overall, or what? What if their behavior is wildly different from their identity?

I reckon, there probably are a lot of folks who are, at their core, capable of forming romantic attractions to the right person of any gender. I'm not saying everybody, but I think it's a lot more than most folks would think. But how we've been socialized to think of sexuality probably means that a majority of them will never act on it, or even realize it's there.

[adam88]

@GhostDog - I was gonna quote you, then realized all I would do was agree with everything so I'll save some thread room. I think you nailed it - it really comes down to stereotypes and acceptance. Unfortunately, we (bisexuals/pansexuals/other in-betweens) are, as you said, looked down at by many (as you put it) monosexuals as traitors, or quislings, or still partially in denial.

(on a side note, "quisling" is in Firefox's dictionary but "pansexual" isn't. )

[Strawberry]

It does bother me when people say that everyone is a little bit bisexual, because I'm really and truly not. I am a solid 6. I would never, ever have sex with a guy, and I'm simply not attracted to them. Never have been. I can tell when one's not ugly, but there's just no attraction. And it's pretty hard to say that everyone does something... That's a pretty vast generalization.

[Beachboi92]

Almost everybody's a little bit bisexual*

[midwestblues]

I agree with Brittaney Starr's belief that we're all buysexual.

[Holmes]

After starting this thread, things got busy for me back home, and let this go. Thanks to all those who responded, I can see the different sides to this.

I think it comes down to what people mean by bisexual, whether it's any attraction, or a serious likelihood that a romantic or sexual bond could form. But what I'm getting at, what annoys me, is when it's said in a situation where a teenage boy says that he might be attracted to boys, and someone says, "Well everyone's a little bit bisexual". In that case, he could think then, "Maybe I'm not gay then". A better response is just a simple, "You might be gay, though you could also be bi".

I am thinking about myself in this, though having said that, I did have a short meaningful relationship (just over three months) with a girl a few years ago, and did feel for many years effectively bisexual. I just think the heteronormative assumption in society is such that if you tell a teen, "No big deal, everyone's a little bit bi", they could more likely veer towards acting straight.

[Gray Ichihara]

Originally Posted by midwestblues

I agree with Brittaney Starr's belief that we're all buysexual.

I find this adaptation to the thread a little interesting. It's rather hard to think about the fact that everyone has a price. It almost feels a little like the title "Everyone's a little skank-ish" is being placed on society. It all depends on the mindset of the individual.

[pianomike]

I agree with the statement that every Straight person is a little bit gay and every Gay person is a little bit straight. And i'm not saying it had t be in a sexual desire way, I mean why do gay people love Lady Gaga, or Judy Garland? IDK why but we do... lol

[Holmes]

Originally Posted by pianomike

I agree with the statement that every Straight person is a little bit gay and every Gay person is a little bit straight. And i'm not saying it had t be in a sexual desire way, I mean why do gay people love Lady Gaga, or Judy Garland? IDK why but we do... lol

How does liking Lady Gaga make me a little bit straight?! Being gay doesn't mean an aversion to women, it just means I form romantic and sexual bonds with men. Gay men are often also sensitive to gender issues in politics, I don't know a single gay man who didn't support Clinton over Obama for the Democratic nomination, but it doesn't mean I think she's attractive.