Sexually Straight but Emotionally Gay?

[TheInquisitor]

I thought about this after reading a thread about feminine gay guys.

I'm a straight guy but I'm not much of a "manly" man so to speak. I often cry when watching movies and listening to music. I often prefer the company of women because I feel like I have to pretend to be more masculine around other guys. I can be more myself around women and my sensitive side comes through more.

My girlfriend and I were talking recently, and she said that she thinks I'm "emotionally gay". I thought that was a strange way of putting it, but I think essentially what she meant is that I have emotions that are further towards the feminine side of the spectrum. What's interesting is that I've realised that I'm not attracted to "girly girls". I prefer a girl who is, for want of a better expression, "in touch with her masculine side".

(On a side-note, it seems that it's a positive thing to say a man is in touch with his feminine side, but if you say the converse about a woman, it seems to be taken entirely differently. A bit of sexism perhaps?)

I'd be curious about this community's impression of this concept. Thanks.

[Shevanel]

Sensitive is probably a better word? Though not really.

Either way it happens and it's pretty common I think.

Ain't really a big deal though, hopefully for you as well. We all want what only our true selves want (hopefully we let us have that much for ourselves instead of giving into societal demands), so you wanting a non girly girl isn't a bad thing either.

You are who you are. I'd say I'm probably a solid mix of sensitive and "masculine" (I Put masculine in quotes because that's totally not the right word nor is it the opposite to sensitive). I cry when I allow it, though it must muster up some emotions if a TV show or movie will make me cry, usually through loving attachment of characters and their deaths. But meh. I'd have said I'm probably like you, or was like you during the teen years of my life, but while I was sensitive and stuff (while being "straight", in the sense I did not know I was bisexual till after high school), I wouldn't have ever gone so far to call myself "emotionally gay" (though that was your girlfriend that said that.) But you know what I mean.

(Also, unrelated to you I think, but there ARE feminine guys that aren't gay. I think a lot of people dismiss that as a possibility. Seeing how badly the varying degrees of feminine gay dudes can be treated, I feel worse for the ones that aren't straight.)

[Moonstrike]

How about "emotionally feminine"? "Emotionally gay" makes gay mean more than it actually does. Being gay is about sexual orientation and nothing else.

[Shevanel]

Originally Posted by Moonstrike

How about "emotionally feminine"? "Emotionally gay" makes gay mean more than it actually does. Being gay is about sexual orientation and nothing else.

While I agree about the "emotionally gay" part, I feel like the use of feminine in this is gender stereotyping?

[Ridiculous]

In my opinion sexuality is entirely seperate from personality. Gay males shouldn't be associated with being significantly more feminine than straight guys, because mostly we aren't. The same goes for lesbians being associated with masculism. It's just a stereotype that doesn't apply to a good portion of us.

[Moonstrike]

Originally Posted by Shevanel

While I agree about the "emotionally gay" part, I feel like the use of feminine in this is gender stereotyping?

Yes. This is true.

[jrnewton2]

I thought this thread was gonna be about a straight guy who was emotionally attracted to men, kinda like gay guys who are or were emotionally attracted to women. I got a little excited.

As to "emotionally gay" vs. "emotionally feminine," I'm not really a fan of either. I vote "sensitive."

[TheInquisitor]

Thanks guys. I think sensitive is the most appropriate term for it.

I was never really worried about this or anything, I just thought it was interesting. I think the bias in our language to traditional concepts of male and female makes it difficult to even describe these things.

The traditional view is rather one dimensional. That your gender determines your sexual preference and your level of sensitivity. But as each of you has indicated, gender, sexual preference and sensitivity are all independently varying factors. Our culture is in a time of transition between the ignorant past and a future where we understand these things properly.

Interesting stuff. At least to me. Thanks again.

I've played sports for some while now... hanging around with dudes gave me knowledge of how sensitive and emotional they really are... i've seen them cry with tears that could flourish Africa... i will have to say, that men can be more sensitive than chicks.