I'm Praying for You

[ToTheCeilingFan]

I gotta say, I had no idea that being more out would get this reaction. I definitely expected the homophobic insults, although surprisingly there are a lot fewer of them than I anticipated. What I didn't expect is the "I'm praying for you" response. It seems to come mostly from girls, and I can't decide whether it's better or worse than an insult.

At when it's a homophobic slur, I know that the insulter accepts who I am. He may think it's stupid or wrong or gross, but he sees it and he's calling me out on it. But with the "I'm praying for you", it's like the speaker can't accept that maybe I'm different from her and that that's okay, too.

Have you gotten this response before? Do you have any good comebacks/experiences?

[TitanicIsMyLife]

That's what my mom said to me. She's okay with it now. I just said "I'm praying for you, too." What sort of thiings have you responded with?

[maverick]

Have you gotten this response before? Do you have any good comebacks/experiences?

I have gotten this before in high school, actually not about being gay, but about being a Buddhist (though there was certainly the rumor about that I was queer too, so that didn't help matters once this girl caught onto it).

The thing that made it really bad was the tone it was delivered in - I have never heard a more disdainful, contemptuous remark directed at me in my life. I was honestly shocked. I didn't really have a good comeback, I didn't know how to react at all. I'm pretty sure I muttered something like, "Ditto," and stalked off.

The girl who said it to me ended up in a fistfight with me in the locker room later that year. That comment was just the beginning of her personal crusade to "save" me from my deviant ways. When verbal provocation didn't get the reaction she wanted, she was ready to physically fight me for being a different religion, and for being perceived as gay. I still don't understand it for the life of me - I honestly think the girl was deranged.

Also, I did nothing overtly gay in high school except be my quiet queer hide-in-the-library self. I actually went out of my way to not be a "dyke". I didn't bother trying to date. I avoided the locker rooms entirely when I could get away with it. I wore makeup and wore my hair long. I didn't try out for the ice hockey or football teams even though I wanted to. I didn't wear a tux to prom.

But the fact that this girl singled me out for my perceived sexuality anyway just boggled my mind. I was doing everything I could to avoid being perceived as gay, and this girl saw straight through all of it. I think that's one of the things that bothered me the most.

I could even understand (kind of) being teased for having a girlfriend or for being openly gay, but I wasn't. I was closeted. So why did this girl go to the trouble of tormenting me?

Now that I'm older, I feel sorry for her. It must suck going around with such negative feelings towards people who are practically strangers to you.

[aidan]

I'd rather the people insulting me were more blunt, rather than giving a passive-aggressive "i'll pray for you xD!" from the top of a high horse.

[Adam]

I have never had anyone say this to me, but if someone were to, I would for sure respond with something like, well I'm praying for you not to be an asshole.

[Moonstrike]

Originally Posted by caractacus

I'd rather the people insulting me were more blunt, rather than giving a passive-aggressive "i'll pray for you xD!" from the top of a high horse.

I agree. This type of response is a huge insult as far as I'm concerned.

The men who I fear most are those who do evil and think it good.

[maverick]

The men who I fear most are those who do evil and think it good.

Word. Give me an enemy to my face, so that I might know how to meet him. It's the ones who pretend that what they're doing is "for your own good" that **** you over the worst. Only someone who "loves" you feels strongly enough about you to hate you, too.

[midwestblues]

"I'll pray to Satan for you, too." Then close your eyes and start chanting.

[Lexington]

>>>Have you gotten this response before? Do you have any good comebacks/experiences?

I consider it a bizarre sort of compliment. I know they probably mean "I'll pray that God can cure you", but I try to take it to mean "I know it can be difficult to be gay, but I'll pray that God makes your path easy." I just respond with a smile and a "Thanks - I'll pray for you, too."

Lex

[Moonstrike]

Originally Posted by midwestblues

"I'll pray to Satan for you, too." Then close your eyes and start chanting.

Hahaha!

[xequar]

My response is, "Thanks, I'll take whatever help I get." The tone of voice is probably enough to communicate that I see through their passive-aggressive shit, but in the cases where I've used that, it either is sufficient enough to satisfy the person (my grandma and a few other people that do actually mean well by it) or it shuts the conversation down because they were angling for a debate and purpose to go on about their beliefs that I won't give them.

[JB1986]

Ugh, I hate that passive-aggressive religious shit. My response to that is a sarcastic "You go ahead and do that." Now, if I wanted to piss them off, I could say "You go ahead and do that. But no matter how hard you pray, I'm still gonna have hot sweaty gay man-sex when I want to. Bye!"

[Chandra]

"Aw, thanks! I'll go and tell my imaginary purple unicorn that you're a really swell person."

Or

"Oh, don't trouble yourself - this was God's idea in the first place."

[Beachboi92]

i'd be like "sweet when your praying make sure it's for me to find a hot girlfriend/boyfriend soon cause i haven't had sex in days" xD I think their mouth may just hit the floor with that one. i guess you could divide it up if you want.

or "No it's cool i already ok'd it with the big man. we are like besties now, he thinks girl on girl is the shit" Don't have to do the second part but i like it

or "That is so almost sweet of you"

or to be equally high up on a horse "that's ok you should save the prayers for yourself, after all it will take all the help you can get to get that ignorance and bigotry/hate out of your heart" then tack on "later bitch" if you feel like it

[x2x2x2x2y2]

"naw, pray for yourself. You clearly need it more. But thanks anyways. "

[thedreamwatch]

Originally Posted by Adam

I have never had anyone say this to me, but if someone were to, I would for sure respond with something like, well I'm praying for you not to be an asshole.

This made me geek out laughing.

[ProfessorLepus]

I went to a Christian high school for two years. It's pretty typical of religious social rightists to say things like that, and I find that it means one of two things.

1. "I want the best for you, and I don't want you to be condemned to Hell for your abominations."
2. "You're a queer, so I think about you burning in Hell when I want to feel better about myself."

I find that with most of my peers who give me this line, it's more the latter. The former is more of a grandmother/close relative sort of thing.

Just don't bother trying to convince them of anything. Hopefully one day they'll all accept you for who you are. For now, snappy comebacks will only polarize them further (though tempting and extremely satisfying).

[xequar]

Originally Posted by ProfessorLepus

I went to a Christian high school for two years. It's pretty typical of religious social rightists to say things like that, and I find that it means one of two things.

1. "I want the best for you, and I don't want you to be condemned to Hell for your abominations."
2. "You're a queer, so I think about you burning in Hell when I want to feel better about myself."

I find that with most of my peers who give me this line, it's more the latter. The former is more of a grandmother/close relative sort of thing.

Just don't bother trying to convince them of anything. Hopefully one day they'll all accept you for who you are. For now, snappy comebacks will only polarize them further (though tempting and extremely satisfying).

Yep, this is why I respond as I do. Either way, it defuses the situation.

[fiddlemiddle]

I dont make an big deal out of it. I will respond "and I will pray for you too", or you could say "pray for good fortune"

[Ianthe]

"Oh, thank you! I'll pray for you, too. God and I are on much better terms ever since I came out to myself, and accepted that it's part of His design for me that I'm a lesbian."