I know you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, but it feels like I'm missing 99% of the shots I AM taking. It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to even talk to anybody I might think is gay just in case I'm wrong. I feel emotionally drained because I keep having doubts about all the people I develop crushes on. The angst and the letdowns are slowly killing me. Advice? Anybody?
This is probably... bad advice, but it's what I do. Don't let rejection and/or letdowns get to you. Think about the doors to options you weren't sure of before that are now closed, and the more plausible option doors that are now open. Make good out of every "bad" occurrence.
It's all about your attitude going into it. If I'm hearing you correctly, the main source of your stress is you being unsure about the sexualities of the people you develop crushed on. The fact is that most of the people of our own sex that we develop crushes on will be straight; that's just statistics. As such, my advice is to see anyone you talk to, whether you think they are gay or not, as a potential friend, not a potential lover. The best lovers start out as friends, and yes, being lovesick can suck and make you desperate to skip that friendship stage. I've been there, and I understand it's difficult, but try to remind yourself that any good relationship is built on a solid foundation of friendship. As such, you need to build that basis before the relationship can blossom into something truly wonderful. So, in your future interactions with guys you like, just try to befriend them. If they end up being the kind of person you don't want to have as your friend, you probably wouldn't want them as your lover, either. If you end up getting along well with them, but it turns out that they are straight, then you got a good friend out of the deal. And if you get along well and they are gay, well, then things can go from there. So as long as you go in with the goal of seeing whether you can get along with this person as friends, it'll be a win-win-win situation.
