Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > General Chat > Chit Chat

Chit Chat General discussion of topics of interest to LGBT people of all ages.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 13th Mar 2011, 10:37 AM   #1
Member
Regular Member
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 26
Join Date: Feb 2011


Default I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

Honestly, it was one of the weirdest experiences I've ever had in my entire life. It cost about 30 dollars to enter the bathhouse. A bathhouse for those who don't know is basically a spa exclusively for gay and bisexual men. There is a locker room, a gym, shower area, a sauna, pool, and a hot tub. People there can also rent small rooms to engage in sex with strangers.

At first, I was really curious because I have never been to a place like that before. I was very curious. Anyway, the guys there were of various types. There weren't alot of effeminate gay men. 75 percent were masculine in appearance and mannerisms. However, there were only about 15 good-looking guys there out of maybe 50 men. Most of the guys there were over the age of 45 and were very out of shape.

My issue with it is how random strangers grab your private genital area without even introducing themselves. It has a very sleazy feel to it. People are pretty much having sex in their rooms with their doors open, so you can watch. The floors are very dirty and gross. I went their without sandals, so I basically stayed in the shower area because the floors were really gross.

The public areas were really dark, and you can't really see anything, so random creepy guys grab you and you have no idea who's doing that. Most of the good looking guys that I spoke to were very uncomfortable being there. They were being hit on left and right by older men, who are old enough to be either their fathers or their grandfathers. The good-looking guys that I spoke to were actually really nice guys for the most part.

Honestly, this place wasn't for me at all. I don't regret much in my life, but I regret going to this place. I will never go again. I don't know how all bathhouses are, but this one was very gross and disgusting. And none of the guys that I saw used protection, which was very disturbing. I bet alot of the guys who regularly go there have an STD. I'm just warning the younger gay crowd on here to be careful to go to a place like this. If you want to meet someone, the best bet is to join a gay group at school or college. When you go to place like this, you are pretty much seen as a peace of meat. The whole idea of a bathhouse from a fantasy standpoint seemed hot, but once I got there, I was so turned off, I actually contiplated being straight.

Anyone on here have any experiences?
Macholover is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 12:09 PM   #2
Mr. Grammar
Full Member
 
NickT's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 990
Join Date: Sep 2009


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

"Most of the guys there were over the age of 45 and were very out of shape."

Welcome to Florida?
__________________
Gay Pride!
NickT is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 12:12 PM   #3
Member
Regular Member
 
JoeG's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: anyone who asks these days...
Location: Birmingham, (nearest City)
Age: 22
Posts: 44
Join Date: Sep 2009


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

that sounds disgustiing ...never heard of places like that...basically: a free for all male brothel? no thanks.
ta for the warning...
JoeG is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 12:31 PM   #4
Forum Admins
EC Admin
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: northern CA
Posts: 12,693
Join Date: May 2008


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

I have several friends who have been to bathhouses, and one or two who go semi-regularly. You've pretty much described every bathhouse I have ever heard about, and that includes the midwest, San Diego, San Francisco, LA, and Toronto among others.

The culture of bathhouses arises from the mindset of anonymous, random, unsafe sex that happened before the advent of AIDS (and, for many, never changed.) In many parts of the country, bathhouses were shut down entirely at the height of the AIDS epidemic due to overwhelming problems with HIV transmission and an almost complete lack of safer sex practices (in spite of the abundance of condoms available there.)

The people who frequent them generally have no interest in relationships, and often, no interest in any sort of conversation or communication whatsoever. The constant groping and fondling, particularly if you are young and attractive, pretty much comes with the territory.

Even when a bathhouse attempts to hold a "20s night" (for men in their 20s), they *still* end up with a lot of older guys there unless they actively deny them admittance, which they won't do for fear of losing them as customers.

And, as you pointed out, safer sex is not a common practice, and the people that go there and regularly have unsafe sex are very likely to have HIV, hepatitis, and/or a plethora of other STIs.

Not a place I would be interested in visiting, but if that's what you're after, that's pretty much where it's at
Chip is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 12:54 PM   #5
Member
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 26
Join Date: Feb 2011


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

Chip, the idea of going to a bathhouse was a huge turnon for me. However, after being there for like five minutes, it was a huge turnoff. Like I said, there were some really good-looking and fit guys, but those guys were not the type to engage in any promiscous sex, from what I could tell. I spoke to a few and they were more curious like I was than anything. They were more promisous than me but they weren't interested in hooking up with any guys there from what they I told me. I spoke to one guy who was in the Army. He was bisexual, and he was really quite creeped out as well. He was the best looking guy there and I think the constant attention given to him freaked him out.

There was three really hot European type guys there who, from what I can tell, were only looking for hookups, but they had a huge attitude problem and they were really rude to alot of guys there. Those three guys also seemed like they were stoned out of their mind. There was alot of drug taking there as well. A saw one really effeminate man engaging in anal sex in front of group of guys, and they both snorted cocaine in front of us. It was really creepy. It was kind of like seeing a car crash. You don't want to look, but you can't help yourself.

I also saw two guys engaging in anal sex in one of their rooms without wearing protection. That was so disturbing. It's amazing how even today people are willing to play Russion Roulette with their life. Aids is a serious disease. It does not discriminate and it doesn't grant mercy to those who have it. There were also alot of random orgies going on in one of the rooms with a whole bunch of men over the age of 50.

I wrote this, so I can warn the younger guys on here about being tempted to go to such a place. I don't know how all bathhouses are. This is the first and last one I will ever go to. I think that young gay guys can get easily tempted to go to such a place where sex is easily accessible. I'm almost 30 years old, so my hormones aren't in over-drive like they were when I was 18 or 19. If a lived by a gay bathhouse when I was that age, I probably would be even more tempted to go to such a place. If anything, just to see men engaging in sex.

Honestly, some fantasies are better kept as just fantasies at the end of the day. The idea of taking showers with hot gay men was a huge fantasy of mine, but in reality, even though there were some hot gay and bi men there, never matched the fantasy that I originally had. I left there feeling sleazy and dirty. So, I just want to warn the young people on this board to be very careful where you go.
Macholover is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 12:58 PM   #6
Neko Boy
Full Member
 
Zontar's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Location: Binghampton, NY
Posts: 2,087
Join Date: Oct 2010


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

A lot of things are a good idea in theory but shitty in practice. Kinda like communism. If you want sex with no strings attached, try some personal ads instead, although I'll give you the heads-up that a lot of the people on there aren't spectacular catches.
__________________
V is for Victory
Zontar is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 01:07 PM   #7
radiantdawn
Guest
 
Posts: n/a

Tournaments Won: 43

Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

I'm only a kid... but still, I've heard of bathhouses and stuff.

Just wanted to say you 100% grossed me out, and now I'll never consider the chance of a possibility of me maybe going to one >_<

But yeah, this is a nice heads up =) thanks for this! It's something I wouldn't have known otherwise, I always thought bathhouses were like nice spas >_>
 
Old 13th Mar 2011, 01:24 PM   #8
Member
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 26
Join Date: Feb 2011


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

radiantdawn -- I'm glad I persueded you to not go to such a place. Honestly, I kind felt ashamed of being a gay male after going there. I'm not ashamed today because I realize alot of gay men aren't like that, but for that brief moment leaving the bathhouse, I was very ashamed. It was an interesting experience. It was like seeing a whole underground culture that I never seen before. However, even though, I didn't engage in sex with anyone, I still felt dirty for being there. It's not the place for someone with morals.
Macholover is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 01:53 PM   #9
Clown Prince of EC
Full Member
 
TheJoker's Avatar
 

Gender: clown
Orientation: bats
Out Status: Not out at all
Location: Circus
Posts: 416
Join Date: Feb 2011


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

What were you expecting? a group of naked guys talking about gay rights there?
TheJoker is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 02:07 PM   #10
Banned
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Not sure (still trying to figure it out)
Out Status: lol out status whats that
Location: southern illinois
Posts: 29
Join Date: Mar 2011


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

i wouldn't be caught dead going into a bathhouse, i have a hard enough time walking down boystown in chicago, i look like a paranoid spook always looking over my shoulder and shit, its terrible; but i have wondered about these bathouse's before thanks for the heads up
theDunns is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 02:10 PM   #11
The Grendel to Everyone's Beowulf
Full Member
 
Gender: Male
Out Status: 2
Location: The Southeastern Conference
Age: 33
Posts: 1,531
Join Date: Aug 2008


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

Quote:
Originally Posted by theDunns View Post
i wouldn't be caught dead going into a bathhouse, i have a hard enough time walking down boystown in chicago, i look like a paranoid spook always looking over my shoulder and shit, its terrible; but i have wondered about these bathouse's before thanks for the heads up
Haha, I have the same feeling when I walk down N. Halsted!
__________________
RedState is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 02:31 PM   #12
Forum Admins
EC Admin
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: northern CA
Posts: 12,693
Join Date: May 2008


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

I hope it didn't come across that I was judging your choice to check it out. I think it's one of those things that many if not most gay men are curious about at one time or another. Personally, I heard enough detailed stories from friends that I never felt the need to experience it for myself... though I have been in two adult bookstores that had showers and lockerrooms where such activities occur, it was never something I personally was interested in.

I think it is possible to have casual sexual experiences in a way that is healthy both emotionally and physically, but it's not easy to find such a situation. From the conversations I've had, most of the people that regularly frequent bathhouses have difficulty sustaining healthy relationships, or have a fear of emotional intimacy that makes it hard to get into a relationship. And there are people that are curious or just uber horny and go there once in a blue moon, but those tend to be the exceptions; a guy I knew who worked in one said he tended to see many of the same people over and over, day in and day out.

I think one can cultivate healthy casual sexual relationships, but those would more easily develop from meeting someone and hanging out and feeling some sort of mutual desire for sex, rather than meeting random people in a place such as a bathhouse or other sexual meet-up place (rest stop bathrooms, etc.) And having a "fuck buddy" that you regular meet up with is probably safer (both from a disease perspective and from a physical safety perspective) than meeting randomly with guys off of craigslist or elsewhere.
Chip is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 02:42 PM   #13
Forum Admins
EC Admin
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: northern CA
Posts: 12,693
Join Date: May 2008


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Macholover View Post
Honestly, I kind felt ashamed of being a gay male after going there. I'm not ashamed today because I realize alot of gay men aren't like that, but for that brief moment leaving the bathhouse, I was very ashamed.
I understand where you are coming from, but I'm personally pretty torn on this issue. I can understand why you would feel ashamed at associating with a group of people that treat sex as something that has no value other than the physical satisfaction that comes from it, and at the same time, I can also see the viewpoint of people that have learned to be comfortable simply enjoying something that feels good.

I think many of those who go to bathhouses may be people who have felt like they had to deny who they are for a very long time and are in a way just immersing themselves in enjoying sex for sex's sake. Of course, there are others who probably have sex addiction issues, self esteem issues, or for one reason or another don't feel like they can have meaningful relationships and instead reach out to environments like bathhouses to simply fulfill needs... but I (hope) those people, in the context of gay society as a whole, constitute a minority.

I think there can be a middle ground. I don't inherently see a problem with people who have sex simply because they want to experience the positive feelings that come from that, but I also think that sex that's meaningful (meaning, with someone you deeply love and care about) is a completely different experience, and I think that for those who experience both, there's simply no comparison.
Chip is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 02:50 PM   #14
Well Known
Full Member
 
nate16's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: close family and some friends
Location: Massachusetts
Age: 20
Posts: 143
Join Date: Mar 2010


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

haha let's just say that i never plan on going to a bathhouse. I would take relationship too seriously. I hate the idea of a one night (ish) stand situation.
nate16 is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 03:13 PM   #15
Neko Boy
Full Member
 
Zontar's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Location: Binghampton, NY
Posts: 2,087
Join Date: Oct 2010


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chip View Post
I think many of those who go to bathhouses may be people who have felt like they had to deny who they are for a very long time and are in a way just immersing themselves in enjoying sex for sex's sake. Of course, there are others who probably have sex addiction issues, self esteem issues, or for one reason or another don't feel like they can have meaningful relationships and instead reach out to environments like bathhouses to simply fulfill needs... but I (hope) those people, in the context of gay society as a whole, constitute a minority.
Or they could just not want the emotional tiedown of relationships to go with it. A much better option than going to a rampant sex garden though is just finding someone who would be willing to be friends-with-benefits instead.
__________________
V is for Victory
Zontar is offline  
Old 13th Mar 2011, 03:18 PM   #16
Stopped being (as) vague
Full Member
 
Connor22's Avatar
 

Gender: yes
Orientation: up the bender
Out Status: burned Narnia :D
Location: Norn Iron
Age: 19
Posts: 1,698
Join Date: Nov 2009


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

theres one of those things in Belfast and I was thinking of going to it when I'm older but tbh what you described doesn't sound like any fun at all, thanks
__________________
Kindness is a gift. Share it.
Connor22 is offline  
Old 14th Mar 2011, 07:52 PM   #17
The Ethers Tragic
Full Member
 
BloodyRose3000's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: meh
Location: NYC
Age: 26
Posts: 253
Join Date: Nov 2010


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

0_0 wow, that sounds terrifying! I never would have gone to a place like that to begin w/, but I definitely wouldn't even entertain the idea now.

---------- Post added 14th Mar 2011 at 11:14 PM ----------

0_0 wow, that sounds terrifying! I never would have gone to a place like that to begin w/, but I definitely wouldn't even entertain the idea now.
__________________
Future youth I never may touch any more
Hark these Sapphics lipped by my hollow spirit
everlasting tenderness breathed in these vowels
sighing for love still -Allen Ginsberg
BloodyRose3000 is offline  
Old 15th Mar 2011, 12:24 PM   #18
Well Known
Full Member
 
zerogravity's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: out to parents, sister & whoever asks
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 190
Join Date: Mar 2011


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

wow reading that made me want to throw up I have heard of saunas/cruising/****** and it seems pretty disgusting not to mention dangerous. I would prefer to have a monogamous relationship or just stay single.
zerogravity is offline  
Old 15th Mar 2011, 01:38 PM   #19
let watchers become warriors
Full Member
 
maverick's Avatar
 
Gender: You tell me.
Orientation: Hey good lookin'. *wink*
Out Status: It's pretty obvious.
Location: Alabama *cue banjos*
Age: 29
Posts: 2,118
Join Date: Nov 2010


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

Having sex in filth with (potentially) filthy people is not my idea of a good time. Neither is being grabbed, groped, and "ravished", for lack of a better term. I'm not an animal and I don't have any desire to rut like one either. I'd rather be celibate than go to a place like that.

I find that level of promiscuity to be morally repugnant, honestly, and no doubt I would regardless of my own sexual orientation. There's a reason that gay guys have the reputation of being diseased, and it's because of places like bathhouses.
__________________
Shelter me oh genius words, just give me strength / to pen these things, and give me peace to well her wings / and oh, oh carry on, all you minstrels of the world, we will catch our lady's ear, we will win for us the girl.
maverick is offline  
Old 15th Mar 2011, 01:59 PM   #20
The gay gargoyle
EC Advisor
 
Lexington's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Colorado
Age: 44
Posts: 15,349
Join Date: Dec 2007


Default Re: I went to a gay bathhouse last night, never again!

Sorry your experience wasn't what you hoped. I haven't been to any of the ones in Colorado, but from what I've heard from guys who have tried it, the clientele is about what you described - mainly 35+ guys, generally overweight or in the vicinity. But other than that, they said their experience was fairly positive. Everyone was basically friendly. They got a lot of offers, but nobody was overly grabby or too forward. They took the "no thanks" with a smile. The guys said they actually enjoyed themselves, and went back more than once.

Lex
Lexington is online now  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What did you dream about last night? TyPod Chit Chat 50 20th Mar 2011 10:09 AM
Came out to best friend last night hert3583 Coming Out Stories 18 9th Mar 2011 08:18 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:23 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2014, Empty Closets Community Services
the Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20