For those who are out... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

4th Apr 2011, 04:58 PM

Did your thoughts of people become more dirty/perverted after you came out to everyone?

I only ask because since i've been 'out' and see a guy whos nice when out and about my mind takes over and its like I start fantasising about them AND they aren't always sexual. It happened on the way back from work, the guy in the car next to me noticed and then smiled.

I didn't expect I would be like this when I was closeted haha. I'm a good boy! Honest!

GhostDog · 4th Apr 2011, 05:06 PM

I swear to god, some days I'd swear I'm a 13-year-old boy who got lost on his way back to his actual body.

I never used to check people out, never used to think about how hot people in movies were, never talked with friends about how cute X person was. Stuff like that used to make me as uncomfortable as all hell.

I came out, got more comfortable with myself, and now I'm a damn horndog.

I am not, however, complaining. =D

AtmaWeapon · 4th Apr 2011, 05:23 PM

No. I'm more convinced that I would enjoy sex with the same sex compared to before where I was just totally disgusted with sex. I find myself more open to looking at the same sex and gauging my attraction versus just making it a point not to even think that way and trying to gauge how I found guys attractive which was not very, even with the very handsome and feminine guys. I do notice girls tend to look at me (including mostly straight girls) with a certain curiosity and potential interest to giving strong vibes of attraction coupled with conflict, it feels like, in their sexuality (well, this has happened at least once since I came out a few months ago).

A few girls in my classes (like one who I was like, just from sitting behind her, was like 'she's not straight), some with boyfriends, have started making a lot of eye contact with me or gazing my way and cutting their hair pretty short and maneuvering themselves my way...strange.

I also find it a lot easier to spot lesbian and bi girls and notice them looking my way often seeing as they can sense my gayness, as well. Sometimes it feels more platonic but I think most of us wonder if maybe we would be more than friends ever. Small dating pool, y'know?

I'm still dealing with being accepting of myself as being attracted to the same sex, but for the most part, still, I don't see things in a really sexualized way.

TheDarkerPoet · 4th Apr 2011, 05:59 PM

Oh, I just love acting a total horndog around my friends. Kinda freaks them out sometimes, but I can't really help myself. Shameless? Perhaps. Reactions on their faces? Priceless.

Now I'm out, I find it so much easier to talk to people and joke about being gay and liking girls and all that. It's really nice how accepting (most) folks are, and how easy it is to act myself around people again. It's like breathing easier. And I talk about girls in a girly way, like a twelve year old would talk about her latest crush. Fuckin' shameless.

Also, I'm much more of a comedian now than I was before. Ellen's been influencing me, I think. It's so much easier to be comfortable fantasizing when you feel like you can be okay in your own skin.

thedreamwatch · 4th Apr 2011, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheDarkerPoet

Oh, I just love acting a total horndog around my friends. Kinda freaks them out sometimes, but I can't really help myself. Shameless? Perhaps. Reactions on their faces? Priceless.

Now I'm out, I find it so much easier to talk to people and joke about being gay and liking girls and all that. It's really nice how accepting (most) folks are, and how easy it is to act myself around people again. It's like breathing easier. And I talk about girls in a girly way, like a twelve year old would talk about her latest crush. Fuckin' shameless.

Also, I'm much more of a comedian now than I was before. Ellen's been influencing me, I think. It's so much easier to be comfortable fantasizing when you feel like you can be okay in your own skin.

I agree with this COMPLETELY.^
Also, mysteriously, I have noticed girls noticing ME. Which, if that happened before I came out, I didn't notice AT ALL. It's not like I look any different, but suddenly sometimes there's tension like, "is this someone I could date/be with?" on both sides.
Good stuff!

Neoh · 4th Apr 2011, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giorria

Did your thoughts of people become more dirty/perverted after you came out to everyone?

I only ask because since i've been 'out' and see a guy whos nice when out and about my mind takes over and its like I start fantasising about them AND they aren't always sexual. It happened on the way back from work, the guy in the car next to me noticed and then smiled.

I didn't expect I would be like this when I was closeted haha. I'm a good boy! Honest!

Hmm, I've actually had the exact opposite thing happen to me. I'm only out to one of my friends, but when I'm around him I actually flirt a lot less than I used to. Our conversations can still be just as dirty, but being able to talk about how I really feel sort of gives me an outlet to get it all out of my system.

**Victor** · 4th Apr 2011, 06:36 PM

Yes. Totally. For the most part, I like making fun of my roommate's insecurity. I've totally pretended to flirt with him in public so many times and he's always caught off guard. Things weren't this fun before I came out. xD

zerogravity · 4th Apr 2011, 06:37 PM

Not me - I was always checking out guys

I can't help it I guess. I do notice more when another gay gay is checking me out though - I guess I give myself permission to flirt back a bit?

**Eric** · 4th Apr 2011, 07:11 PM

Yeah, I guess you could say that I've become more interested in sex since coming out. I wouldn't describe myself as a horndog, and I don't exactly talk about cute guys I see to my friends because they're kinda weirded out still, but occasionally I'll drop a comment about a guy.

Daryn · 4th Apr 2011, 08:19 PM

ever since I came out to my best friend, she and I have been sososo much more comfortable talking about sex and who and what we like. I guess for me, I just finally allowed myself to be interested when I accepted myself and now it's to the point where I'm constantly joking around about it with those who know because I feel comfortable.

Flyers2011 · 5th Apr 2011, 12:10 PM

I wasn't really perverted until I started coming out to people in the terms of my own sexuality. But I've made dirty jokes since day one. I'm just a big ole horndog, but a cute one. I'm not too offensive and if I am, well I apologize and I make other jokes that are not offensive.

After I came out, I started noticing more girls and celebrities, etc. I think part of that had to do with getting over a girl I had a huge crush on. I didn't look at anyone but her, and she was the only one I ever had any kind of thought about and they were mostly romantic.

However, I've always been very blunt when it comes to the area of sex and safe sex. I'm not afraid to tell my friends to wear condoms if they're going to have sex. I don't care what they do, I just don't want to see them get an STD or get pregnant or something. I think that the area of sex shouldn't be as taboo as it is, I mean, it's come a long way since the 50s and stuff, but it's surprising the number of teenagers and young adults that are really uninformed in such an important area.

Emberstone · 5th Apr 2011, 04:18 PM

I wouldnt say that my thoughts became more perverse or dirty after I came out. I would however say that I was more open to recognizing when I was attracted to a guy.

straal1972 · 5th Apr 2011, 06:07 PM

I have found that my erotica/porn viewing has dimished a bit, but my checking out the "check-out boy" has increased considerably. I haven't yet reached the threshold of taking that image and putting it into my fantasies.........yet

**Lexington** · 5th Apr 2011, 08:05 PM

I don't think there was much change. I thought dirty thoughts about guys before I came out and after.

Lex

zeratul · 5th Apr 2011, 09:15 PM

Yes I have been more daring with checking other guys out. At the shopping mall, I sort of don't care if they are gay or straight, I will look and smile at them if they are looking back.

InaRut · 6th Apr 2011, 09:53 AM

Well everytime I pass by a mirror I see this guy looking back at me and Oh MY GOD the things I imagine doing to him!

(No but...seriously now, folks)

I think the reason people might notice a change in their sexual behaviour is probobly best explained that you were before afraid or ashamed to have those thoughts.

For example, when I was in the closet, I would notice a guy but immediately dismiss it instead of furthering my fantasies aboot him: "He's really cu--NOT GAY NOT GAY NOT GAY"

But when you become out you become more and more comfortable with these feelings and thus more inclined to accept them or fully realize them: "He's really cute. Look at that butt, it's so nice. And look at his sexy fedora, blue eyes, and leather jacket."

I mean, ever heard a straight guy talk aboot a girl? Or a straight girl talk aboot a -hot- guy?

We're all just super horny. It's in our animal nature. Just some people suppress this desire more then others.

malachite · 6th Apr 2011, 10:42 AM

I had "dirty" thoughts about guys long before I came out.
There is nothing wrong with it, if you see someone who you find attractive, its natural that you'd think about sex.

4th Apr 2011, 04:58 PM	#1
Giorria Guest Posts: n/a	For those who are out... Did your thoughts of people become more dirty/perverted after you came out to everyone? I only ask because since i've been 'out' and see a guy whos nice when out and about my mind takes over and its like I start fantasising about them AND they aren't always sexual. It happened on the way back from work, the guy in the car next to me noticed and then smiled. I didn't expect I would be like this when I was closeted haha. I'm a good boy! Honest!

4th Apr 2011, 05:06 PM	#2
GhostDog is Spartacus. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: MAGICAL. Out Status: The hiiills are aliiive with the sound of muuusic! Location: DFW area, Texas Age: 24 Posts: 2,503 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: For those who are out... I swear to god, some days I'd swear I'm a 13-year-old boy who got lost on his way back to his actual body. I never used to check people out, never used to think about how hot people in movies were, never talked with friends about how cute X person was. Stuff like that used to make me as uncomfortable as all hell. I came out, got more comfortable with myself, and now I'm a damn horndog. I am not, however, complaining. =D __________________ <3 Kirah, who may or may not be made of delicious candy (and the lesbians)

4th Apr 2011, 05:23 PM	#3
AtmaWeapon Huffs Rainbows Full Member Gender: Natal female - genderqueer Orientation: Kinsey 5 - I prefer women Out Status: As out as I could hope to be Age: 23 Posts: 186 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: For those who are out... No. I'm more convinced that I would enjoy sex with the same sex compared to before where I was just totally disgusted with sex. I find myself more open to looking at the same sex and gauging my attraction versus just making it a point not to even think that way and trying to gauge how I found guys attractive which was not very, even with the very handsome and feminine guys. I do notice girls tend to look at me (including mostly straight girls) with a certain curiosity and potential interest to giving strong vibes of attraction coupled with conflict, it feels like, in their sexuality (well, this has happened at least once since I came out a few months ago). A few girls in my classes (like one who I was like, just from sitting behind her, was like 'she's not straight), some with boyfriends, have started making a lot of eye contact with me or gazing my way and cutting their hair pretty short and maneuvering themselves my way...strange. I also find it a lot easier to spot lesbian and bi girls and notice them looking my way often seeing as they can sense my gayness, as well. Sometimes it feels more platonic but I think most of us wonder if maybe we would be more than friends ever. Small dating pool, y'know? I'm still dealing with being accepting of myself as being attracted to the same sex, but for the most part, still, I don't see things in a really sexualized way. Last edited by AtmaWeapon; 4th Apr 2011 at 05:26 PM..

4th Apr 2011, 05:59 PM	#4
TheDarkerPoet EC's Emotional Stud Full Member Gender: Oh, whatever. Orientation: Queer Out Status: Out like a G6 Location: New York Age: 16 Posts: 921 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: For those who are out... Oh, I just love acting a total horndog around my friends. Kinda freaks them out sometimes, but I can't really help myself. Shameless? Perhaps. Reactions on their faces? Priceless. Now I'm out, I find it so much easier to talk to people and joke about being gay and liking girls and all that. It's really nice how accepting (most) folks are, and how easy it is to act myself around people again. It's like breathing easier. And I talk about girls in a girly way, like a twelve year old would talk about her latest crush. Fuckin' shameless. Also, I'm much more of a comedian now than I was before. Ellen's been influencing me, I think. It's so much easier to be comfortable fantasizing when you feel like you can be okay in your own skin. __________________ "No one is of no consequence." - Anakin Skywalker

4th Apr 2011, 06:36 PM	#7
Victor Moo EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Pretty damn out Location: California Age: 21 Posts: 1,972 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: For those who are out... Yes. Totally. For the most part, I like making fun of my roommate's insecurity. I've totally pretended to flirt with him in public so many times and he's always caught off guard. Things weren't this fun before I came out. xD __________________

4th Apr 2011, 06:37 PM	#8
zerogravity Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: out to parents, sister & whoever asks Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 187 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: For those who are out... Not me - I was always checking out guys I can't help it I guess. I do notice more when another gay gay is checking me out though - I guess I give myself permission to flirt back a bit?

4th Apr 2011, 07:11 PM	#9
Eric EC Chat Room Mod EC Chat Mod Gender: Male Orientation: Gayyy Out Status: Open about it. Location: Ontario Age: 18 Posts: 1,374 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: For those who are out... Yeah, I guess you could say that I've become more interested in sex since coming out. I wouldn't describe myself as a horndog, and I don't exactly talk about cute guys I see to my friends because they're kinda weirded out still, but occasionally I'll drop a comment about a guy.

4th Apr 2011, 08:19 PM	#10
Daryn ^_^ Full Member Gender: Girl. Orientation: Girls. Out Status: whoever asks Location: Why are there eggs scrambling in the street? Age: 18 Posts: 238 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: For those who are out... ever since I came out to my best friend, she and I have been sososo much more comfortable talking about sex and who and what we like. I guess for me, I just finally allowed myself to be interested when I accepted myself and now it's to the point where I'm constantly joking around about it with those who know because I feel comfortable. __________________ "That's the trouble with loving a wild thing: You're always left watching the door."

5th Apr 2011, 12:10 PM	#11
Flyers2011 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: Everyone. And I mean EVERYONE. Location: O-H-I-O! Posts: 886 Join Date: Sep 2010	Re: For those who are out... I wasn't really perverted until I started coming out to people in the terms of my own sexuality. But I've made dirty jokes since day one. I'm just a big ole horndog, but a cute one. I'm not too offensive and if I am, well I apologize and I make other jokes that are not offensive. After I came out, I started noticing more girls and celebrities, etc. I think part of that had to do with getting over a girl I had a huge crush on. I didn't look at anyone but her, and she was the only one I ever had any kind of thought about and they were mostly romantic. However, I've always been very blunt when it comes to the area of sex and safe sex. I'm not afraid to tell my friends to wear condoms if they're going to have sex. I don't care what they do, I just don't want to see them get an STD or get pregnant or something. I think that the area of sex shouldn't be as taboo as it is, I mean, it's come a long way since the 50s and stuff, but it's surprising the number of teenagers and young adults that are really uninformed in such an important area. __________________ "We are born with a scream; we come into life with a scream, and maybe love is a mosquito net between the fear of living and the fear of death."- Francis Bacon

5th Apr 2011, 04:18 PM	#12
Emberstone Flappychap Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon, USA Age: 28 Posts: 5,595 Join Date: May 2008	Re: For those who are out... I wouldnt say that my thoughts became more perverse or dirty after I came out. I would however say that I was more open to recognizing when I was attracted to a guy.

5th Apr 2011, 06:07 PM	#13
straal1972 EC chat slayer Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: I'm out to everyone who's important to me Location: Outside of Barrie On Age: 39 Posts: 510 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: For those who are out... I have found that my erotica/porn viewing has dimished a bit, but my checking out the "check-out boy" has increased considerably. I haven't yet reached the threshold of taking that image and putting it into my fantasies.........yet __________________ Sweat, baby, sweat, baby. Sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about. So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts! Do it now! You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals . So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel -Bloodhound Gang

5th Apr 2011, 08:05 PM	#14
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,372 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: For those who are out... I don't think there was much change. I thought dirty thoughts about guys before I came out and after. Lex

5th Apr 2011, 09:15 PM	#15
zeratul Prelate Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Location: Toronto Posts: 748 Join Date: Jan 2011	Re: For those who are out... Yes I have been more daring with checking other guys out. At the shopping mall, I sort of don't care if they are gay or straight, I will look and smile at them if they are looking back. __________________ I am a lord of shadows. I claim the shadows that the Shadow may not. I am the strong arm of deliverance. I am Shadowstrider. I am the Scales of Justice. I am He-Who-Guards-Unseen. I am Shadowslayer. I am Nameless. They shall not go unpunished. My way is hard, but I serve unbroken.

6th Apr 2011, 09:53 AM	#16
InaRut EC's Nu-Disco Walrus Full Member Gender: IRL Yaoi Character Orientation: (｡◕‿◕。) Out Status: ㅎ_ㅎ Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 7,111 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: For those who are out... Well everytime I pass by a mirror I see this guy looking back at me and Oh MY GOD the things I imagine doing to him! (No but...seriously now, folks) I think the reason people might notice a change in their sexual behaviour is probobly best explained that you were before afraid or ashamed to have those thoughts. For example, when I was in the closet, I would notice a guy but immediately dismiss it instead of furthering my fantasies aboot him: "He's really cu--NOT GAY NOT GAY NOT GAY" But when you become out you become more and more comfortable with these feelings and thus more inclined to accept them or fully realize them: "He's really cute. Look at that butt, it's so nice. And look at his sexy fedora, blue eyes, and leather jacket." I mean, ever heard a straight guy talk aboot a girl? Or a straight girl talk aboot a -hot- guy? We're all just super horny. It's in our animal nature. Just some people suppress this desire more then others. __________________ "The first duty of every Starfleet Officer is to the truth. Whether it's scientific truth, historical truth, or personal truth. It is the guiding principle to which Starfleet is based. If you can't find it within yourself, to tell the truth about what happened, then you don't deserve to where that uniform."

6th Apr 2011, 10:42 AM	#17
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: For those who are out... I had "dirty" thoughts about guys long before I came out. There is nothing wrong with it, if you see someone who you find attractive, its natural that you'd think about sex. __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.