A Matter of Gender Change

Morgan, is it possible to just put MORGAN in that gender area? That is who you are!

I am fully in support of people just living their lives authentically no matter who you are! I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet several transgender people in my work with PFLAG. Some just dress the way they feel reflects them the best and others have undergone sexual re-assignment surgery. Its really up to you. Dress in what makes you feel good and happy Morgan.

 

I think I am in the same situation as you. Heck even my friends refer to me as their half guy/girl friend! I wear black and baggy, don't really wear make up and only wear reasonably manly jewellery. I try my best to flatten my chest (it never really works), I even went to my school prom in a tux, a man's tux at that! The only time I wear anything remotely feminine is for my school uniform which I HAVE to wear. Trust me a sex change has been considered many times, but I feel as long as people around me will accept me as who I am and see me for who I am then it doesn't really matter. I'm still considering maybe some surgery in the future to make myself look how I feel I should look but I've still got a while to think about it.

 

There used to be a young trans (FTM) snowboarder a while ago, JayTeeNY12, never heard of her again tho...

 

I met a MTF transexual this weekend, and she was really nice and funny. I have actually thought I might be more myself as I guy too, so I kind of understand what you are going through. I don't know though, I think overall I am happy as a female. I do think I would be better able to express myself as a guy though, or at least attract the kind of females I want to attract. I tend to go for the straight, girl-next-door type.

You have to be who you are most comfortable being.

 

I can kind of relate because in fantasies I feel like the guy and have guy parts and am doing this to a girl. I don't like feminine things and I sometimes think about breast reduction I don't want them completely gone I just want them small and I'm not big in the first place. I like my hair really short and right now it needs to be cut. I don't like girly clothes either. I like baggy pants and shirts and the only jewelry I wear is an equality ring thats masculine and my class ring. I don't wear make up either I don't really understand girly girls. I don't want to be a guy but I don't feel like much of a girl either I'm kind of stuck in the middle. So long story short, you aren't the only one that feels like this.

 

It is my understanding that transsexual and transgender are equal, although the term transsexual seems to be colloquial now, with transgender being assigned the more appropriate terminology. Although gender identity and sexuality are generally lumped together, they are completely different. Which I would propose the reason you find it difficult for you to consider a relationship with a straight woman assuming a successful FtM surgery. I like the advice Becky gave you, label yourself as Morgan, or however you see fit. Don't get caught up in society's attempt to place each person in a perfect category, because those perfect categories do not exist.

 

I'm not sure if this is fully relevant, but Oprah just had a show concerning two transwexuals ( a guy and girl) talking about how they figured out what biological gender they should be, as opposed to what biological gender they were born with and the challenges that their lives present.

It was quite interesting, but a little bit hindered by Oprah's confusion over terminology that I think many people few (such as what gender specific to call them (he/she) etc) but, as someone that has not had much exposure to the transgender community, it was quite interesting to see the similarities/differences in their/our lives

Anyway, back to topic, I don't think anyone can answer the issue of whether you should become transgender, however I personally think you have already made the decision in your mind that a gender change is not the right option. I think you should just do what makes you comfortable and, from the way you describe it, you seem to be doing that, with the more masculine clothing and make-up.

Now, I obviously don't know too much about lesbian sex, but possible a strap-on (wow I feel awkward saying that, sorry)? Then you get the best of both worlds, in that you get to date the lesbians that you are attracted to, while have the male part in the sexual sense. I dunno, maybe just something to think about.

Anyway, hope I helped, sorry if I didn't.

 

I understand where you are coming from. I feel at times I am being pulled back and forth as to what and how I really am.

 

I'd just put the word 'Me' into the gender section.

Either way, I'm glad you're coming to more of a conclusion of what you are, that's awesome!

 

Hey U all...I'm going to putting up a whole sticky section of definitions about Gender issues and a little about my journey...
I just saw a FTM friend the other day, and it's taken her 43 years to finally choose to take testosterone and feel better about who she is..
See, with people that are truly Transgendered, well feel Dysphoria until we take steps to live in the role we are most comfortable in...Also, when we take hormones(I take estrogen) we finally feel "right" after years of doubt.
Jeimizu, you may be part of the growing group of kids who identify as Genderqueer, and refuse to be pinned down.
Anyone with questions, please private me?
xo Darya

 

i think that, if you are happy with your body as it is and do not want surgery, that makes you biologically female. but that needn't influence how you behave... it's only a word. couldn't you say, "yes, i am a biological woman" and then act however you like? i personally think that physical gender or labels should have no effect on your behaviour. so if you're happy with a female body, couldn't you just say, "female body, morgan mind"? that would make your "gender" female i suppose, but that's only a word... you can be a "woman" and still act totally masculine if that's what you want. there are two types of gender: physical and mental. if you're happy with your body, that makes you physically female (maybe this is "sex" rather than gender), and your mental gender sounds male. so i guess on legal documents etc you have to call yourself female, but don't let that affect your behaviour.

sorry if that's simplistic. i guess i'm saying that you don't need to reject your female body in order to act yourself, you can just be yourself whatever gender you call yourself so you can say "i am female [biologically] but i will act as feminine or masculine as i like and not let that affect me".

personally i think that if people can feel happy with their original bodies, that's a good thing. but they shouldn't feel like they have to act masculine/feminine just because of their biological body. if you are unhappy with your body, then surgery may be the best way, but if you are happy in your original body, it's good to accept yourself. i think mental gender is fluid, there's no need to classify it if you don't want to. physical sex, if you do not have surgery, is generally more rigid, but it doesn't really need to make any difference to your behaviour.

hope some of that rambling helped...

 

I am really, really glad that you brought up these questions AngelOnFire - both so you can get our opinions, and because, if you saw my recent thread, I am finding myself attracted to an FTM transgendered man, and have been desperately educating myself on the topic - and he's been educating me too (we've had quite a few talks).

I think that gender has nothing to do with genitals and everything to do with what you feel. And this goes even without surgery, I believe. My friend uses both transsexual and transgender to refer to himself, although I think transgender is the more appropriate term maybe??

I think that Becky's suggestion is best: you don't need to put yourself into someone else's boxes. Whilst gender identity is different from sexual orientation, as already said, I think that the principle of not accepting the boxes society gives us is equally valid with regards your problem. Recently, with me liking this trangendered friend of mine, at first I was back at square one - "does this mean I'm straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual??" - but now I just think, that if you connect to a person, you connect to them, whatever. (and I think of him as a man, so I am currently straight I suppose). And I think maybe you should take the same approach to your gender identity. I keep on changing my orientation, as you say you keep changing your gender identity: I think that this is because the boxes are faulty, not because we are, and we should just abandon the whole attempt to define ourselves. But I understand that in the real world, outside of this forum, there are many people who will *force* identities upon us.

Not very helpful - but just some of my thoughts!!

 

I think that what I was trying to say (ineloquently), as you were asking for opinions, was that I have very recently come to see that we live in a world that for some reason forces everyone into classification boxes and that ideally we wouldn't do that at all. I think that your gender identity is internal, and that this does not necessarily conform to male/female. I have always felt tomboyish, but have never wanted to be a man; but I am uncomfortable in feminine clothing. Slightly different, but an example of the different ways that people identify with the stereotypes with their born or socially-imposed gender. Some of the people I hang out with are very flexible about gender identity too - but most people I come into contact with, alas, cannot see beyond male and female, and label everything else as "weird" or something. This is so sad

But I am really glad that gender identity issues are coming up in the threads.

 

I know two FtMs. One of them, I never knew as a girl, and the other, I've only just met 'him' rather than 'her'.

It really messes up your pronouns, hahaha!

Transexuals are cool. I've got nothing against them, although MtFs as a concept... ack... cutting off that... *cringes*

 

Umm... they don't "cut if off." They invert it into a female opening instead.

 

I saw a documentary that showed how a MTF surgery worked... they did indeed "cut it off".

It was pretty gross. They even used a dildo to see how much he can "take". xD

 

Hi Morgan. Glad to see you back. Also glad to see you working on figuring this stuff out.

My opinion - don't fuss over it too much. Just be yourself, and don't feel a need to slot yourself into any given category. The bulk of the population doesn't bother, so why should you? (What I mean by that is most people - becuase they are straight - never have to worry about classifying themselves as straight. I don't think the rest of us need to worry about it either!)

(btw - I like your new profile pic.)

 

OK...a little "damage control" here....(no pun intended). They don't "cut it off" in the case of MTF's( The glans, at the very least has to remain connected to nerves to retain sexual feeling) but they do a lot of skillful cutting and sewing to transform PARTS of it into the new vagina or neovagina. If guys want to see the real deal, go to http://www.tsroadmap.com/ for non-straight world view of it.
Next....
I love the freewheeling nature of this conversation. It's perfectly normal to be confused by all this; I know many of us still are. "Trannsexual" and "Transgendered" are almost interchangeable terms for someone who feels uncomfortable in their birth gender and is taking steps to confrim the one they feel most comfortable in. "Transsexual" is a just a shade more clinical, but still respectful. Don't call them a "transvestite" or a "shemale"; both of those are bad.
Finally....
Transsexuals(like me) are just trying to feel comfortable in our own skin...It's very distinct from being gay or even for being a crossdresser or Drag Queen. I wear jeans and t-shirts now and I'll wear jeans and t-shirts when I transition, but I want everyone to know who I really am.
Transsexuals can be gay, lesbian, bi or even "straight" if you accept the idea that a so-called sex-change is complete...
We also, BTW, can be pre-op, post-op or choose to be non-op while living in our true gender; some of of never "cut it off", or feel we need to justify it.
Darya tha Tranny