The word 'Queer' - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

zerogravity · 7th Apr 2011, 07:54 AM

I have noticed that a lot of homosexual women prefer to describe themselves as queer rather than lesbian. Not just here, but I hear homosexual women say stuff like "i'm queer" or "she's queer" all the time, but never "I'm a lesbian".

Even on this site there are some people who put queer as their sexual orientation (it's always women who do this). Is it because the word gay is so associated with gay men, and lesbian is a bit of a harsh sounding word? (the hard zzzzz sound in the middle)

I have never heard a gay man use the word queer - it sounds so British, like saying "snogging" instead of "making out". I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else noticed this or is just me?

The reason why I bring it up is because my sister wrote a paper on LGBTQ youth and she explained the Q as standing for queer. I always thought it stood for questioning, especially since there seem to be a lot of young people in the questioning stage (that don't associate as gay or lesbian) and queer just sounds like an insulting word to me (it is self-depreciating).

Sorry in advance; I am a bit obsessed with symantics. Not meaning to offend anyone

TheDarkerPoet · 7th Apr 2011, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zerogravity

I have noticed that a lot of homosexual women prefer to describe themselves as queer rather than lesbian. Not just here, but I hear homosexual women say stuff like "i'm queer" or "she's queer" all the time, but never "I'm a lesbian".

Even on this site there are some people who put queer as their sexual orientation (it's always women who do this). Is it because the word gay is so associated with gay men, and lesbian is a bit of a harsh sounding word? (the hard zzzzz sound in the middle)

Damn zzzzz sounds always getting in the way of a perfectly good sexual orientation.

Just kidding. Ehm, I put queer because there is still an attraction for me, on some levels, to men. Not sexually, but... emotionally. I feel like I could go out with 'em if I wanted. Girls I just love everything about. No escape there. I know I'm a dyke, not about to deny it. But men... I don't know. I feel like I'm still figuring it all out.

I think plenty of gay gals use "lesbian". It's a rather fun word. But I identify as queer because I am both gay and kinda questioning.

Plenty of girls have their orientations as "gay" too, so. I don't really know. "Gay" is like the overbearing term. "Lesbian" only applies to gay women. And "Queer" is when you are either something different, or you like to call yourself a queer cuz that's just what you want to do. That's how I see it, at least.

Honestly, labels are kinda skin-deep.However you decide to label yourself; that's up to you. What sexuality you are born with isn't up to you. Labels are just labels. It's what's inside that counts.

**Lexington** · 7th Apr 2011, 10:44 AM

While growing up, the only context I had for the word "queer" was in a "game" played on the playground called "smear the queer". Which mainly consisted of designating one kid the "queer", and then throwing stuff at him. Not surprisingly, I have a bit of trouble seeing "queer" as a neutral term now.

Lex

alan t · 7th Apr 2011, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zerogravity

I have never heard a gay man use the word queer - it sounds so British, like saying "snogging" instead of "making out". I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else noticed this or is just me?

Yes. I do know one guy who uses the word queer, but he's interested in gender theory and stuff so only in those contexts, or as an umbrella term to cover all the LGBTetc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zerogravity

The reason why I bring it up is because my sister wrote a paper on LGBTQ youth and she explained the Q as standing for queer. I always thought it stood for questioning, especially since there seem to be a lot of young people in the questioning stage (that don't associate as gay or lesbian) and queer just sounds like an insulting word to me (it is self-depreciating).

I think the Q can be both queer and questioning. A lot of organizations actually use LGBTQQ. I've seen as many as 3 Qs - LGBTQQIAQ but I forgot what the third Q was for.

Holliepop · 7th Apr 2011, 11:47 AM

I actually thought 'Queer' meant 'Questioning', as in the individual didn't really know what sexual orientation they were, and were (like stated before) using it as an umbrella term for something.

I guess it can be quite insulting tbh, as queer can also mean 'odd' or 'peculiar', or it used to anyway. Not sure if people still use it to mean that anymore because it's associated with LGBT so much.

**TheEdend** · 7th Apr 2011, 12:15 PM

I have heard many uses for queer.

Mostly people use queer to mean that they like something else other than just the opposite sex.

I met this girl who is a lesbian but is now married to a transgender man. She just rather say she is queer than try to explain to people her feelings.

Flyers2011 · 7th Apr 2011, 12:25 PM

I've never heard anyone use the term queer where I'm from. But I'm from the midwest so that probably explains a lot.

I choose to identify as gay because well, I like the way it sounds. Not only that I always saw it as putting a slight rift in the LGBT community. Like we were splitting hairs about what kind of homosexual we were. If we're attracted to the same sex, we're gay. To both sexes, bisexual (pansexual), etc for the rest.

But that's just my $.02

Connor22 · 7th Apr 2011, 12:48 PM

people call me Connor Queer cus it rhymes with my second name (lucky me) and really it makes my blood boil, sorry but no, I hate the word.

haelmarie · 7th Apr 2011, 01:36 PM

I use queer because I don't think I'm homosexual.

**Lexington** · 7th Apr 2011, 01:47 PM

Oddly, this song just popped up on my iPod.

+ YouTube Video

Lex

TyRawr · 7th Apr 2011, 02:06 PM

I dont know what it is about the word queer that bothers me but it does.
Maybe because Im thinking to literally but the words Fag, or Fagot have never really bothered me unless used offensively. Because simply, the word Fag means cigarette, and Fagot means a bundle of sticks, where as Queer mean strange or odd. I dont like be strange just for being Gay.

Aya McCabre · 7th Apr 2011, 03:56 PM

Most of the support groups here use queer as an umbrella term so it's considered neutral (to my generation at least).

I know some girls (including me sometimes) use it to get around biphobia. I have issues with girls who don't see you as a viable option unless you're a full-on lesbian. I've seen some of those girls hard out flirting with someone and then run a mile when they find out she's bi. If someone who's flirting with me asks if I'm gay or bi I usually assume that's why (why else would it matter? They know I'm not straight...) so I usually say queer out of solidarity. Even though I identify as a lesbian I'm not sure I want to date someone who wouldn't go out with me if I was bi.... so I leave things uncertain. Queer is ambiguous.

Daryn · 7th Apr 2011, 04:28 PM

I personally feel a lot more comfortable describing myself as "gay" rather than "lesbian" or "queer" because...well actually, I don't know.

Rikudo · 7th Apr 2011, 04:55 PM

I don't really care of the term is used.

roborama · 7th Apr 2011, 05:12 PM

i think its a perfectly good term, especially when youre sure youre not straight but not really sure youre bi or gay either. its easy sometimes especially when used as an all inclusive

Bryan90 · 7th Apr 2011, 06:12 PM

Usage of Queer that I've come across:

- Umbrella term used for the LGBTTQQI2S community. However, we still debate on how 'inclusive' and 'exclusive' the word 'queer' can be. It's also a word that had a deragotive connotation in the past and the community here is trying to reclaim that word and use it positively.

- A sexual orientation that has similar meanings to pansexual. It's basically a term to describe your orientation if you can't identify with LGBT (hence LGBTQ came about). It is distinguished from bisexual in the sense that 'queer' individuals don't identify with just being attracted males or females but a variety of gender.

zerogravity · 7th Apr 2011, 08:55 PM

Thanks for the responses!

It is an interesting word for sure. I kindof get it now as an umbrella term. But I think the original use of Queer Nation embracing the term was supposed to be ironic. They also had stickers with "C**K S*****G F*****T!" printed on them.

from..."We're here! We're queer! get used to it!!" - Queer nation gay activists in NYC
to..."you're a bunch of f'in queers!" - homophobes in deep south
to: " he is rather queer don't you think? I do say" - upper middle class british
to: "ohmahgad! They are running queer events all week down at the SAC. We should totally go to some of them" - college aged gay female

alexi12 · 7th Apr 2011, 08:59 PM

I don't mind the word queer. I think that "LGBTQ" the Q, stands for either questioning or queer. But I don't have a preferance as to which word is used... gay just comes to mind first.

thedreamwatch · 7th Apr 2011, 09:23 PM

Personally, I'm not a fan of the word "lesbian".

And being that technically I am one...well, I just prefer "gay". I don't get why gay women and gay men need to have separate terms. I know the origin of the word lesbian, but just because it's some antiquated inside joke doesn't mean we still need to use it.

As for the word "queer", it's useful in that when you're talking about the LGBTQQIAPSwhatever community, queer is obviously shorter for conversation.

AtmaWeapon · 7th Apr 2011, 09:34 PM

I like using queer because it's more than just lesbian. It can refer to gender non-conformity, being gay, bi, anything. It's a unifying term and I like the sound of it (I'm from past when queer was a rather offensive term and have only positive connotations for it). I also sometimes struggle with the connotations of 'lesbian' but use it more and more, as lesbian I've heard with more negative connotations in a negative way than I have heard queer used.

But I call myself, lesbian, queer, I prefer using the term gay. I'll even use some more derogatory terms in a non-serious fashion like 'homo' or 'dyke' for the hell of it, but not to most people other than myself.

7th Apr 2011, 07:54 AM	#1
zerogravity Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: out to parents, sister & whoever asks Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 187 Join Date: Mar 2011	The word 'Queer' I have noticed that a lot of homosexual women prefer to describe themselves as queer rather than lesbian. Not just here, but I hear homosexual women say stuff like "i'm queer" or "she's queer" all the time, but never "I'm a lesbian". Even on this site there are some people who put queer as their sexual orientation (it's always women who do this). Is it because the word gay is so associated with gay men, and lesbian is a bit of a harsh sounding word? (the hard zzzzz sound in the middle) I have never heard a gay man use the word queer - it sounds so British, like saying "snogging" instead of "making out". I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else noticed this or is just me? The reason why I bring it up is because my sister wrote a paper on LGBTQ youth and she explained the Q as standing for queer. I always thought it stood for questioning, especially since there seem to be a lot of young people in the questioning stage (that don't associate as gay or lesbian) and queer just sounds like an insulting word to me (it is self-depreciating). Sorry in advance; I am a bit obsessed with symantics. Not meaning to offend anyone

7th Apr 2011, 10:44 AM	#3
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,372 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: The word 'Queer' While growing up, the only context I had for the word "queer" was in a "game" played on the playground called "smear the queer". Which mainly consisted of designating one kid the "queer", and then throwing stuff at him. Not surprisingly, I have a bit of trouble seeing "queer" as a neutral term now. Lex

7th Apr 2011, 11:47 AM	#5
Holliepop The world is waiting for you. Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: on FB, so everyone? Location: Wiltshire, UK. Age: 19 Posts: 362 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: The word 'Queer' I actually thought 'Queer' meant 'Questioning', as in the individual didn't really know what sexual orientation they were, and were (like stated before) using it as an umbrella term for something. I guess it can be quite insulting tbh, as queer can also mean 'odd' or 'peculiar', or it used to anyway. Not sure if people still use it to mean that anymore because it's associated with LGBT so much. __________________ ♥Cause if I am to go, in my heart you'd grow, and that's where you belong.

7th Apr 2011, 12:15 PM	#6
TheEdend Hope will never be silent EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Extended family still doesn't know Location: Orlando, Florida Age: 21 Posts: 2,831 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: The word 'Queer' I have heard many uses for queer. Mostly people use queer to mean that they like something else other than just the opposite sex. I met this girl who is a lesbian but is now married to a transgender man. She just rather say she is queer than try to explain to people her feelings. __________________ “You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” -Gandhi

7th Apr 2011, 12:25 PM	#7
Flyers2011 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: Everyone. And I mean EVERYONE. Location: O-H-I-O! Posts: 886 Join Date: Sep 2010	Re: The word 'Queer' I've never heard anyone use the term queer where I'm from. But I'm from the midwest so that probably explains a lot. I choose to identify as gay because well, I like the way it sounds. Not only that I always saw it as putting a slight rift in the LGBT community. Like we were splitting hairs about what kind of homosexual we were. If we're attracted to the same sex, we're gay. To both sexes, bisexual (pansexual), etc for the rest. But that's just my $.02 __________________ "We are born with a scream; we come into life with a scream, and maybe love is a mosquito net between the fear of living and the fear of death."- Francis Bacon

7th Apr 2011, 12:48 PM	#8
Connor22 Stopped being (as) vague Full Member Gender: yes Orientation: up the bender Out Status: burned Narnia :D Location: Norn Iron Age: 17 Posts: 1,547 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: The word 'Queer' people call me Connor Queer cus it rhymes with my second name (lucky me) and really it makes my blood boil, sorry but no, I hate the word. __________________ Kindness is a gift. Share it.

7th Apr 2011, 01:36 PM	#9
haelmarie it's ok to be afraid Full Member Gender: No. Orientation: No. Age: 18 Posts: 767 Join Date: Oct 2009	Re: The word 'Queer' I use queer because I don't think I'm homosexual.

7th Apr 2011, 02:06 PM	#11
TyRawr Now tell me how you really feel. :) Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Fair Oaks CA Age: 18 Posts: 396 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: The word 'Queer' I dont know what it is about the word queer that bothers me but it does. Maybe because Im thinking to literally but the words Fag, or Fagot have never really bothered me unless used offensively. Because simply, the word Fag means cigarette, and Fagot means a bundle of sticks, where as Queer mean strange or odd. I dont like be strange just for being Gay. __________________ ~Tyler

7th Apr 2011, 03:56 PM	#12
Aya McCabre Beware of the Metaphor Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Dunedin, New Zealand Age: 21 Posts: 613 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: The word 'Queer' Most of the support groups here use queer as an umbrella term so it's considered neutral (to my generation at least). I know some girls (including me sometimes) use it to get around biphobia. I have issues with girls who don't see you as a viable option unless you're a full-on lesbian. I've seen some of those girls hard out flirting with someone and then run a mile when they find out she's bi. If someone who's flirting with me asks if I'm gay or bi I usually assume that's why (why else would it matter? They know I'm not straight...) so I usually say queer out of solidarity. Even though I identify as a lesbian I'm not sure I want to date someone who wouldn't go out with me if I was bi.... so I leave things uncertain. Queer is ambiguous. __________________ Time is on my side she said. He may be on your side I said, but it makes no difference in the end, He's coming after you my friend........

7th Apr 2011, 04:28 PM	#13
Daryn ^_^ Full Member Gender: Girl. Orientation: Girls. Out Status: whoever asks Location: Why are there eggs scrambling in the street? Age: 18 Posts: 238 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: The word 'Queer' I personally feel a lot more comfortable describing myself as "gay" rather than "lesbian" or "queer" because...well actually, I don't know. __________________ "That's the trouble with loving a wild thing: You're always left watching the door."

7th Apr 2011, 04:55 PM	#14
Rikudo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 2,198 Join Date: Dec 2009	Re: The word 'Queer' I don't really care of the term is used. __________________ "Out of love, sacrifice is born... Hate is born... and we are able to know pain!"

7th Apr 2011, 05:12 PM	#15
roborama EC's Teenage Grandma Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Fluid Out Status: Out to everyone Location: MA Age: 17 Posts: 397 Join Date: Jan 2011	Re: The word 'Queer' i think its a perfectly good term, especially when youre sure youre not straight but not really sure youre bi or gay either. its easy sometimes especially when used as an all inclusive __________________ Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. Harvey Fierstein

7th Apr 2011, 06:12 PM	#16
Bryan90 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Location: Toronto, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 668 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: The word 'Queer' Usage of Queer that I've come across: - Umbrella term used for the LGBTTQQI2S community. However, we still debate on how 'inclusive' and 'exclusive' the word 'queer' can be. It's also a word that had a deragotive connotation in the past and the community here is trying to reclaim that word and use it positively. - A sexual orientation that has similar meanings to pansexual. It's basically a term to describe your orientation if you can't identify with LGBT (hence LGBTQ came about). It is distinguished from bisexual in the sense that 'queer' individuals don't identify with just being attracted males or females but a variety of gender. __________________ "But only in their dreams can man be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be." - John Keating, Dead Poets Society

7th Apr 2011, 08:55 PM	#17
zerogravity Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: out to parents, sister & whoever asks Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 187 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: The word 'Queer' Thanks for the responses! It is an interesting word for sure. I kindof get it now as an umbrella term. But I think the original use of Queer Nation embracing the term was supposed to be ironic. They also had stickers with "CK S*G F**T!" printed on them. from..."We're here! We're queer! get used to it!!" - Queer nation gay activists in NYC to..."you're a bunch of f'in queers!" - homophobes in deep south to: " he is rather queer don't you think? I do say" - upper middle class british to: "ohmahgad! They are running queer events all week down at the SAC. We should totally* go to some of them" - college aged gay female

7th Apr 2011, 08:59 PM	#18
alexi12 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but extended family Location: Chicago Area Age: 18 Posts: 371 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: The word 'Queer' I don't mind the word queer. I think that "LGBTQ" the Q, stands for either questioning or queer. But I don't have a preferance as to which word is used... gay just comes to mind first.

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7th Apr 2011, 09:23 PM	#19
thedreamwatch Maximum Ridiculosity Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Kinsey 5. So, pretty gay. Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Wisconsin Age: 22 Posts: 1,274 Join Date: Jan 2011	Re: The word 'Queer' Personally, I'm not a fan of the word "lesbian". And being that technically I am one...well, I just prefer "gay". I don't get why gay women and gay men need to have separate terms. I know the origin of the word lesbian, but just because it's some antiquated inside joke doesn't mean we still need to use it. As for the word "queer", it's useful in that when you're talking about the LGBTQQIAPSwhatever community, queer is obviously shorter for conversation. __________________ "I came out laughing, I came out screaming, I came out dancing..." - T&S

7th Apr 2011, 09:34 PM	#20
AtmaWeapon Huffs Rainbows Full Member Gender: Natal female - genderqueer Orientation: Kinsey 5 - I prefer women Out Status: As out as I could hope to be Age: 23 Posts: 186 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: The word 'Queer' I like using queer because it's more than just lesbian. It can refer to gender non-conformity, being gay, bi, anything. It's a unifying term and I like the sound of it (I'm from past when queer was a rather offensive term and have only positive connotations for it). I also sometimes struggle with the connotations of 'lesbian' but use it more and more, as lesbian I've heard with more negative connotations in a negative way than I have heard queer used. But I call myself, lesbian, queer, I prefer using the term gay. I'll even use some more derogatory terms in a non-serious fashion like 'homo' or 'dyke' for the hell of it, but not to most people other than myself.