Is this normal?

I'm a guy and I never had a relationship before. I have never kissed or been kissed by anyone and I never had sex. I'm turning 21. Is that normal? I have only been asked out by one girl and one guy before back in high school but i rejected them both. Any advice on how i can find a bf and date discretely? I'm still in the closet and I have no intentions of coming out now or in the near future.

[Alors]

Experiences and relationships can really vary among different people. Although alot of people do start playing with relationships as teenagers, it is perfectly alright not to have that experience. In many cases, it's alot better to be more mature when thinking about partners as you are generally more aware of consequences, safety and a loving long term relationship.
As for dating discretely, i can only give limited advice. My first idea would be to check out some gay dating websites for your local area. Second would be to find some sort of support group.
But with both these things, it is difficult to hide who you are. I'm not going to bash you with coming out demands, but one the whole, after all the pain and discomfort of exposing yourself to others i expect it would be easier to find someone. Also, you have the added support of those who accept you and love you, this can be an extreme boost to confidance.
I see you're new. Cool, hi, you will find so many lovely lovely people here with the best advice for anything from what you want to name your pet fish to getting through tough times. Anything you want to ask won't be judged here, they just want the best for you.

The best of luck with whatever you want to do and i hope my advice will help you x

thank you for your kind words

---------- Post added 26th Apr 2011 at 04:50 PM ----------

I know there's really no answer to be in the closet and simultaneously find someone. I just cna't stop asking myself this question. Wish I had a friend to depend on like you at my school

[Emberstone]

Do not feel bad.

I am 27, about to turn 28, and I have never been on a date or in a relationship with anyone (I didnt date anyone because I knew I was gay before I entered the typical dating age), and I am nervious about even putting myself out there, because I have never kissed someone romanticly, and yes, am a virgin.

So you are not alone.

[VentinIntrovert]

I'm not too far off from that boat... and I'm 23...

[Allegro molto]

Originally Posted by VentinIntrovert

I'm not too far off from that boat... and I'm 23...

This. Except I'm your age.

[Hot Pink]

I'm 26 and while I have had romantic encounters, I haven't been on a real date. The only dating I've done is over the internet. Yeah... It's hard to find girls who are interested in transsexuals in real life.

[Ralivar]

I'm a couple of months off turning 23 and I've never been on a date, been in a relationship or had sex. (Both because I'm not out, and I'm not comfortable with myself so I don't put myself out there.)

As Alors said everyone is different, some people start early whilst other people start later. Who can say what is normal.

It will be hard for you to find someone without coming out, but there are always ways to get around that, as Alors suggested Dating websites. Again I'm in the same boat, I'm still not out and so my chances for meeting someone are really quite slim.

[ok455]

Well im 23,not a Virgin but i never been on a real date also with another guy or had a relationship with a guy. It sucks because i live in a pretty small town and everyone here is straight or deeply in the closet and the gay men here are extremely stuck up.


But that's my summer goal is to find a boyfriend lose this weight and start changing stuff around and go all out and about to find a boyfriend.

[Black Cat]

Based on the overwhelming percentage of people who are in the same boat (myself included) I would wager a guess that it is perfectly normal.

Don't worry, and don't mope about it either. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

[Lexington]

I didn't come out until I was 20-21.
I didn't get laid until I was 25.
And I didn't get a boyfriend until I was 26.
No - it's not that unusual.

Can you date from the closet? Yes. But it's a lot tougher than dating when you're out. Why don't you intend on coming out any time soon?

Lex

[Z3ni]

Same

[Foxed]

This is just my opinion, but... I don't think someone can be completely happy in a relationship, without being proud of who they are. It's not an unusual situation, nor is it impossible to date while in the closet... but it may just be a better idea to become happy with yourself before worrying about a relationship.

But hey, that's just my opinion.

Originally Posted by Lexington

I didn't come out until I was 20-21.
I didn't get laid until I was 25.
And I didn't get a boyfriend until I was 26.
No - it's not that unusual.

Can you date from the closet? Yes. But it's a lot tougher than dating when you're out. Why don't you intend on coming out any time soon?

Lex

To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever come out. I probably played out the story like a million times since I was 12 where I would not come out but live a straight life and marry a girl. I'm not too comfortable under my own skin yet to come out. Then there's my parents (who I live with) who always says things like "Oh, you're going to be married someday and with kids...etc." or whenever, they see a gay couple on tv, they'll be like "Oh, that's gross." The same goes with my older sister. I hate to see their reaction if I ever did come out. i'm just really scared. I know my parents won't throw me out or do anything extreme, but I imagine my parents feeling uncomfortable talking to me about anything especially my dad. I can already picture the awkward silences lol. I can't help but feel like I let them down.
Of course, there are my friends who won't ditch me I'm quite sure of except maybe my best friend. He made it clear since high school that he hated gay guys and wouldn't hestitate to knock out two guys who were making out in front of him. So there's no question about him being homophobic.
Bottom Line: I'm afraid of the consequences and I have no gay friends to lean on if I do come out.

[suninthesky]

I'm 17 and I've never been asked out by someone.

Originally Posted by Foxed

This is just my opinion, but... I don't think someone can be completely happy in a relationship, without being proud of who they are. It's not an unusual situation, nor is it impossible to date while in the closet... but it may just be a better idea to become happy with yourself before worrying about a relationship.

But hey, that's just my opinion.

Mine too. I think you have to think of the other person as well. By having a closeted relationship it kind of sends subtle messages to the other person, especially if they are just used to being out. At least that's what I would guess.

[NeecoVirus]

I know post has been from a while ago, but I'll post now. If you are not willing to come out of the closet, then you should date someone who is also in the closet. Lots of risk though. If you are uncomfortable being seen in public together and stuff then you probably shouldn't date.

You should not date someone who is openly gay, because that is unfair for your partner. Being in a relationship is sometimes about selfishness (wanting that person to yourself) yet it is about respect for your partner as well.

[caughtbywitness]

Originally Posted by Skiel

To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever come out. I probably played out the story like a million times since I was 12 where I would not come out but live a straight life and marry a girl. I'm not too comfortable under my own skin yet to come out. Then there's my parents (who I live with) who always says things like "Oh, you're going to be married someday and with kids...etc." or whenever, they see a gay couple on tv, they'll be like "Oh, that's gross." The same goes with my older sister. I hate to see their reaction if I ever did come out. i'm just really scared. I know my parents won't throw me out or do anything extreme, but I imagine my parents feeling uncomfortable talking to me about anything especially my dad. I can already picture the awkward silences lol. I can't help but feel like I let them down.
Of course, there are my friends who won't ditch me I'm quite sure of except maybe my best friend. He made it clear since high school that he hated gay guys and wouldn't hestitate to knock out two guys who were making out in front of him. So there's no question about him being homophobic.
Bottom Line: I'm afraid of the consequences and I have no gay friends to lean on if I do come out.

I know everyone's different, but I couldn't live like that. My parents have been pretty reasonable but they're going to have to come around to the idea completely, it's who I am and I am not willing to hide all my life. If you come out, start with girls. And maybe one who's not popular; they don't spread the gossip.

I think you should get your family sat down and put on Prayers for Bobby... that may alter their opinions.

I'm 16, and never done anything further than friendly pecks (:

[needshelp]

you're normal. i'm in the same exact boat as you, man. even though it's annoying as hell because you feel like you're the only one in your group or at your age that has never got or isn't getting any play, has never kissed anyone and etc as well as other people bringing it up to insult you, make fun of you etc, it's really not that bad. in fact, you should appreciate being a virgin, not being kissed and etc at your age because you're probably not ready to deal with that yet. i'm pretty sure you don't want to lose your virginity to someone you don't like or you want to have your first kiss by someone you're not interested in. the more older you get, the more you'll have an appreciation for your virgin status. don't feel the need to rush losing your virginity or having a boyfriend and etc just to fit in with society.