butch or femme stereotypes. where do you possibly fit in?

[nate16]

hiya EC-ers! so today i realized how much i hate having such a strong crush on a seemingly "straight" guy. i know that both bi, gay, and straight (plus any other's i'm missing, and i know i'm missing a lot!) people all fall in love with people of the opposite sexuality as them sometimes. it's perfectly normal. however, i also realized that i tend to label myself as a bit more feminine with a side of masculinity, and seem to gravitate towards liking pretty butch guys. i was just curious to find out if any other people are kinda in the same boat, where their "label" meets the stereotypical opposite...(uh i think that made sense). i don't have anything against feminine guys, but idk if i could ever date one, unless the right person came along. Is anyone else like this? or am i just being kind of shallow?

[Rikudo]

Naw you're not shallow you've just got preferences.

Personally speaking I was always one that was very much against flamers. However after realizing that that's just how some people are I got over it. I don't think I could go with somebody in the extreme opposite but opposites do tend to attract each other right so who knows.

[Paper Heart]

You're not shallow. I'm most often attracted to masculine guys. I'm what people would call feminine, but I'm more 70% feminine 30% masculine. I just do what interests me. Yes, I love theatre and books, but I also love soccer. I don't try to be either one, its just that I am what I am.

[browneyedboy]

I find more often than not im also attracted to guys who are more masculine than me (and tend to be straight), also cant picture myself being with a guy more femme than i am, not sure why though. So kinda in the same boat i guess.

[polysemiology]

There's definitely nothing wrong with and no shame in figuring out what your preferences are and who you like. At the end of the day, though, I think you'll often be surprised about how complex someone's 'gender' might be (alongside everything else that makes them them) and in what ways it can activate attraction in you. Don't be afraid to be open about who you might date.

Personal response: I'm not sure what type I supposedly like. I've dated a very femmy man with aggressive (masculine?) tendencies and several middle-of-the-road to masculine-ish guys. It's never been much of a concern for me, in general.

Theoretical response: Queer theorist Eve Sedgwick wrote an influential article about the possibility of gender being not defined by one dimension (feminine vs masculine) or two axes (feminine/non-feminine & masculine/non-masculine) but by 'gender-y-ness in n-dimensional space'. Which means: there are a huge number of gendered traits which a person can be high or low in without any bearing on their other traits. Like, someone who's very butch but not the least bit masculine; or, an extremely feminine man who's not at all femmy. A personalized gender can be much more complicated ... butchness, femmeness, femininity, masculinity, queerness, manliness, womanliness, queeny-ness, faggy-ness, topness, bottomness, effeminacy, et cetera ad infinitum ...