More effeminate then I first thought?

[British Lad]

I have noticed over the passed year that I have become more effeminate, not completely but more noticeable even when it has come to clothes as well. It is weird that a year ago i was so masculine and now some on my gestures are really feminine. I don't do if it is good or bad but I am wondering if I well get more effeminate or it will Level off

[xequar]

Originally Posted by British Lad

I have noticed over the passed year that I have become more effeminate, not completely but more noticeable even when it has come to clothes as well. It is weird that a year ago i was so masculine and now some on my gestures are really feminine. I don't do if it is good or bad but I am wondering if I well get more effeminate or it will Level off

I've noticed in a lot of your posts that you seem to be super worried about looking masculine and bla bla blah.

What I suspect you're noticing is that now that you're out, you're feeling less pressure to keep up a facade and hide certain aspects of yourself. What you're really seeing is the entirety of your personality all at the same time for the first time. You're seeing traits that were already there that you previously repressed.

When I came out, I had several friends remark on how much happier and more relaxed I seemed, but it was the comment of one of my closer friends that really drove it all home. He remarked that when I came out, I suddenly became a complete person, instead of the stereotype of a guy.

And I think that might be happening for you, as well. Just be you and the rest of it will sort itself.

[Black Cat]

No offense, but who cares?

Does it really matter if you’re more one than the other? Worrying about something that trivial is just silly. Be yourself. Love yourself. If you’re more feminine than you used to be than so what, as long as your being true to yourself.

And how can your clothing be more feminine? Are you suddenly wearing wedding dresses to get the mail or something?

[Zontar]

I'm going to expound upon an alternate theory. The way we present ourselves is, largely, a product of our definition of what makes us sexually attractive. If we feel that being feminine or masculine makes us desired by potential mates, we'd be more inclined to lean in that direction when presenting ourselves.

Do you feel that being more feminine makes you more attractive to your gay peers? If so, that would explain why you started being more feminine after coming out. In a way, it's lifted repression.

Alternately, you could be so worried about not being feminine that you're sitting there judging every last move you make as feminine like a hypochondriac judges every lump as cancer. In which case, just be yourself and relax...it's not out of your control like some disease. Masculinity and femininity are still choices. Just choose to be masculine.

[British Lad]

I am not worried about it, it's just something I have noticed

[partietraumatic]

This is normal. It happened to me. I have many theories as to why...anyway for me I got a little bit more feminine initially, possibly to over compensate, then eventually found a natural level of masculinity/femininity and have stayed like that for a while now.

[Rikudo]

Just relax and be you. It shouldn't really matter.

[Lexington]

There's generally a fear among closeted guys that "if I come out, I'll become more feminine". And it IS something that often happens. But in nearly every case, it's not the gayness creeping in from outside. It's the gayness manifesting itself from within. Many closeted guys deliberately keep their effeminate traits and behaviors in check, sometimes without even noticing. But once you're out, these traits are held back less and less, and tend to make their way to the surface. You're not "acting more gay". You're "acting more you".

Lex

[Arex]

I understand this, when I came out I began to act more feminine, people started to notice as well but who cares man.

Be yourself, if yourself is feminine, be that guy, you don't have to be masculine to be a man.

[xequar]

Originally Posted by Lexington

There's generally a fear among closeted guys that "if I come out, I'll become more feminine". And it IS something that often happens. But in nearly every case, it's not the gayness creeping in from outside. It's the gayness manifesting itself from within. Many closeted guys deliberately keep their effeminate traits and behaviors in check, sometimes without even noticing. But once you're out, these traits are held back less and less, and tend to make their way to the surface. You're not "acting more gay". You're "acting more you".

Lex

Exactly. He's letting down the facade and he's starting to see the entirety of his personality at the same time.

Consider this image, and think of it as the map of personality before coming out.



Now consider this image, the map AFTER coming out. See how much more shows? That's not stuff that's added, that's stuff that was already there, but those layers were previously hidden.

[Kidd]

That was a beautiful analogy xequar, really.

Honestly though it doesn't matter how effeminate you are or whatever, it's totally fine either way. Personally, I think flaming guys are loads of fun.

[Holmes]

Originally Posted by British Lad

I don't do if it is good or bad but I am wondering if I well get more effeminate or it will Level off

What could be good or bad about it? There's really no way any one here can know how effeminate you'll be in a few years, but what does it matter? Once you can accept that you're gay, there will be small other ways in which you have things that are more in common with girls. But that's just as it is, people will get to know you for that, others will love you for it, hopefully fall in love with for everything about you.

I almost wish I was a little more camp, but I can't act it out, just so I'm more obvious, that more people might realize quicker that I'm gay.

[rangerfan]

It really doesn't matter what you are, more masculine or more effeminate, just act they way you are and embrace who you are.

[Aya McCabre]

I have a friend who did this, and all of his friends who I've spoken to see it as a good thing - he's not worrying about how people see him anymore.