One guy + one guy... What's the problem?

[Sylver]

I've been out for a year and a half now, and there's one thing I'm finding in the gay community that just bugs me to no end. I even see this on EC discussions.

Why is there this persistent stereotype among gays that gay guys are promiscuous and can't be monogamous and in a committed exclusive relationship? Why are so many gays convinced that all gay guys are horndogs who can't keep it in their pants and who MUST have multiple partners? They make it sound like eventually all gays will be unable to maintain a committed relationship with one person. I've seen a whole bunch of people post on another thread here on EC that gay guys in an exclusive relationship should still use condoms when having sex because "your partner can't be trusted" because all gay guys will eventually sleep around or cheat on their partner.

Is this just a stereotype or myth that won't go away, or is there truth to this? I'm in a committed exclusive monogamous relationship and we're getting married in June. I have absolutely no intention of ever cheating on my mate, and I never will. I know how to keep a promise. I also have no fear of him ever cheating on me because I know him, I love him and I trust him, and I expect him to keep his vows just like I will.

Why should this be an unrealistic expectation? Is it just because we're gay, or are all people, gay and straight, not to be trusted? Can YOU be trusted, or is it just other gay guys who can't stick to one man? Or am I totally reading this wrong?

[ArcusPravus]

Because it applies to straight couples too. Yes, there are many committed, monogamous, and even married couples both straight and gay who never cheat on each other. But the incidence of cheating is too high to ignore. It's not that all gay guys will cheat on their partners, it's that the consequences are severe and the chance of it happening isn't significantly small enough.

As to why the stereotype is prominent among gay guys, I don't really think it is. Or at least, not any more so than straight guys and girls. There's plenty of frat boy stereotypes with them hooking up with a different girls everyday of the week.

Maybe it's a little stronger with gays only because for a long time there hasn't been a marriage option. There wasn't a sense that things were permanent and that leaving is easier. Could also be that until recently coming out was done later so you basicly had teenage relationships in the twenties for gays. Or it's just the easiest thing to see and that's how it's reflected in the stereotype.

[malachite]

people fear what they don't understand, and to hate is easy to understand takes effort.
Plus people hate ti be wrong, they'll put more effort into trying to convince people they're right, even if they know they're not, then just simple admit their fault.
its human nature and its sad concidering we live in the 21st century

[Totoro]

Some people don't consider a monogamous relationship natural. And given that a GAY monogamous relationship sounds even less natural, I suppose they must have those sentiments because of the negative aspects associated to both words. Just my guess...

[Chip]

I do believe, perhaps because of hardwired hormonal differences between men and women, that gay couples have more difficulty staying together and remaining monogamous than lesbian couples or hetero couples.

Joe Kort, who is a therapist who works extensively with gay couples, says that some 40% of gay couples together longer than 5 years have some sort of open relationship (always with rules established by both parties) and he believes that such a statistic essentially reinforces the idea that this may be a biological need.

At the same time, I can also see that some couples can be entirely happy being 100% monogamous, and I know some gay couples that have been together more than 20 years.

Personally, I could not see myself in a non-monogamous relationship. But I can see on a theoretical basis, how it might be able to work if done with integrity and openness between both parties.