Money or Love? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Revan · 22nd May 2011, 10:52 PM

With the way that society has become deeply entrenched in money, I'm curious what you think is more important to you? Money or Love? Many dating experts say money can have a big effect on relationships, as you don't want one person ruling over the other with their money, but at the same time some people do like their spouse being the provider. In same sex relationships however, there is an inert equality between the two. It's not a case of a man and a woman where there's that potential thought that the man has to provide, the woman does all the home work and such. (This isn't my idea, I've always been maybe a bit of a feminist myself). But in gay relationships, with two men, or two women, there isn't really any sort of structure of how it should work, so often the thought of money and love can come up.

So tell me, what's your thoughts? Which do you think is more important? Do you think one can survive on just love? Can a relationship form/survive on money alone? Does a relationship need a bit of both?

What do you think?

RaRa · 22nd May 2011, 10:59 PM

Love.

I would never get with someone just for money. I'd never ask anyone for money, ever. I get embarrassed even to ask my best friends for 2 bucks for a drink even though we happily get anything for each other. That's just how I was raised.

Shevanel · 22nd May 2011, 11:00 PM

Fuck Money.

Totoro · 22nd May 2011, 11:07 PM

Money is an important asset. But I don't think you should be in a relationship unless you love the person. Money is ... well not a requirement xD

**Maddy** · 22nd May 2011, 11:08 PM

A relationship where there is love but no money seems like it'd be a lot more likely to succeed and be happy than a relationship where there is money but no love.

Rikudo · 22nd May 2011, 11:12 PM

Money, love is quite easily obtained.

22nd May 2011, 11:34 PM

Ummm.. For me money. Almost everything is ran by money. I need to feel secure about where I am financially before really going deeply into "love." I need to know I can take care of myself before taking care of someone else or giving any sort of attention. If the original question had been "Money or Friendship" or "Money or Family," of course I would choose the latters.

**TheEdend** · 22nd May 2011, 11:47 PM

Both.

Love is definitely important. Why have the money when you can't have the love, right? But then again, I wouldn't be able to be with someone who is ok with not having money. If that makes sense.

**and by money I don't mean rich. I mean being able to live your life without having to worry about paying for your basic necessities.

Revan · 22nd May 2011, 11:48 PM

Interesting Pain (Rikudo),

. I answered Primarily Love, Money Second. My reasoning somewhat what I explained above is this. Love is important, a relationship will never survive without that love being there. HOWEVER, I sometimes can't help but think...I mean yes even the poorest couple can have a wonderful relationship, and a rich couple could hate each other like no tomorrow. But being able to provide for the family and such is something that is always one feels good about. I dunno just me.

Shevanel · 22nd May 2011, 11:54 PM

MONEY is easily obtained. People just have problems spending it.

djt820 · 22nd May 2011, 11:54 PM

Fuck bitches, get money. This is how I live my life.

**Eleanor Rigby** · 23rd May 2011, 04:31 AM

Love ! Definitly love !
When I started to date my husband, he was absolutly broke. I didn't care, I loved him.
10 years later : he is still absolutly broke and we both live on my primary school teacher wage (you know what teacher's wage are right ?) and I still don't care and love him

I don't say money isn't an issue but we manage that issue as a couple.

Kidd · 23rd May 2011, 04:38 AM

To me...it's money. I know that sounds shallow but let's be realistic here. I don't want to take care of someone for their entire life. If I'm going to be with someone, they need to be ambitious, and motivated, and educated and independent. Love is important obviously but I don't think it's enough to sustain a one-sided relationship for an extended period of time, generally speaking.

Black Cat · 23rd May 2011, 05:36 AM

Love is more important, money is only an issue if you make it into one. I'd rather be madly in love with someone who is flat-ass-broke then be with someone who buys my love. My love can be bought, don't get me wrong, but that kind of love is ingenuine, superficial, and very very expensive.

I would marry someone for money though, but only if I really dig the person - not necessarily love - but I have to like them. And before you ask, no, I would NOT use them or their money, I would live within MY means, and if anything use their money to help others. It would be mostly a marriage of companionship, I think. That would be alright. And as much as I enjoy money, I disregard it in a way because once this life is over, the only thing we can carry into the next life is love.

**lostinthought9** · 23rd May 2011, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheEdend

Both.

Love is definitely important. Why have the money when you can't have the love, right? But then again, I wouldn't be able to be with someone who is ok with not having money. If that makes sense.

**and by money I don't mean rich. I mean being able to live your life without having to worry about paying for your basic necessities.

This.

Obviously, as we've seen in many relationships in the past, love cannot stand alone. It takes effective communication, commitment, trust, etc. to ensure a healthy, and worthwhile relationship. Unfortunately, in today's society (very much like what the OP said), money is an important issue as well.

I agree that love is foremost, but I also need my financial security and it needs to be a collaboration effort too.

Z3ni · 23rd May 2011, 09:22 AM

Well at the moment.. money since I never been in love, and many of my issues is due to lack money.

TheRoof · 23rd May 2011, 10:49 AM

i need both.

malachite · 23rd May 2011, 11:38 AM

I would choose money.

I believe most people are in love with the idea of being in love. Love takes more work than people are willing to put forth, when love is new and shiny its great, but when the sheen wears thin most people call it quits. There are 7 billion people on this planet and the chances of finding that one person that you can happy with forever are pretty slim, especially for the gay population

I know most of you are probably rolling your eye or relying to this already, but I’m a realist, it’s how I feel.

Idonteven · 23rd May 2011, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by malachite

I would choose money.

I know most of you are probably rolling your eye or relying to this already, but I’m a realist, it’s how I feel.

not at all, Money helps. It goes a longggg way.

I also like money.

Revan · 23rd May 2011, 03:55 PM

They say i think 70% of relationship problems deal with financial situations. And malachite, I understand what you're saying. After 9 months with my boyfriend I still love him and we're past the honeymoon stage as it were. Now yes, him and I will see what happens when we move in together, when we get married, when we have kids, but for now I'm happy. Right now the thing I'm dealing with is the blending of my boyfriend with my family. My parents have met him, and they like his personality but are trying to get me to change his appearance >_> So frankly in some ways, it's almost like I'm having to decide between my boyfriend or my parents :S Awkward don't you think?

View Poll Results: Which is More Important in a Relationship?
Love	19	44.19%
Money	4	9.30%
Both	4	9.30%
Primarily Money, Love Second	2	4.65%
Primarily Love, Money Second	12	27.91%
Neither (If you choose this, please explain!)	2	4.65%
Voters: 43. You may not vote on this poll

22nd May 2011, 10:52 PM	#1
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: M for MEEP! Orientation: Mutant and Proud Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 24 Posts: 6,564 Join Date: Jun 2005	Money or Love? With the way that society has become deeply entrenched in money, I'm curious what you think is more important to you? Money or Love? Many dating experts say money can have a big effect on relationships, as you don't want one person ruling over the other with their money, but at the same time some people do like their spouse being the provider. In same sex relationships however, there is an inert equality between the two. It's not a case of a man and a woman where there's that potential thought that the man has to provide, the woman does all the home work and such. (This isn't my idea, I've always been maybe a bit of a feminist myself). But in gay relationships, with two men, or two women, there isn't really any sort of structure of how it should work, so often the thought of money and love can come up. So tell me, what's your thoughts? Which do you think is more important? Do you think one can survive on just love? Can a relationship form/survive on money alone? Does a relationship need a bit of both? What do you think? __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself. Last edited by Revan; 22nd May 2011 at 10:54 PM..

22nd May 2011, 10:59 PM	#2
RaRa We we we so excited Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Los Angeles, CA Age: 21 Posts: 7,439 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Money or Love? Love. I would never get with someone just for money. I'd never ask anyone for money, ever. I get embarrassed even to ask my best friends for 2 bucks for a drink even though we happily get anything for each other. That's just how I was raised. __________________ Do you think about me now and then? Do you think about me now and then? Oh now I'm comin' home again Maybe we can start again

22nd May 2011, 11:00 PM	#3
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Money or Love? Fuck Money. __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

22nd May 2011, 11:07 PM	#4
Totoro EC's Lurker Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay. Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Canada - Ontario Age: 19 Posts: 487 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Money or Love? Money is an important asset. But I don't think you should be in a relationship unless you love the person. Money is ... well not a requirement xD __________________

22nd May 2011, 11:08 PM	#5
Maddy Free Hugs EC Admin Gender: - Orientation: Into girls Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 7,704 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: Money or Love? A relationship where there is love but no money seems like it'd be a lot more likely to succeed and be happy than a relationship where there is money but no love. __________________ how strange it is to be anything at all [Victor] 2:09 pm: and then halloween happened and I was outside in a skirt.

22nd May 2011, 11:12 PM	#6
Rikudo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 2,198 Join Date: Dec 2009	Re: Money or Love? Money, love is quite easily obtained. __________________ "Out of love, sacrifice is born... Hate is born... and we are able to know pain!"

22nd May 2011, 11:34 PM	#7
Aegle Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Money or Love? Ummm.. For me money. Almost everything is ran by money. I need to feel secure about where I am financially before really going deeply into "love." I need to know I can take care of myself before taking care of someone else or giving any sort of attention. If the original question had been "Money or Friendship" or "Money or Family," of course I would choose the latters. Last edited by Aegle; 22nd May 2011 at 11:42 PM..

22nd May 2011, 11:47 PM	#8
TheEdend Hope will never be silent EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Extended family still doesn't know Location: Orlando, Florida Age: 21 Posts: 2,831 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: Money or Love? Both. Love is definitely important. Why have the money when you can't have the love, right? But then again, I wouldn't be able to be with someone who is ok with not having money. If that makes sense. and by money I don't mean rich. I mean being able to live your life without having to worry about paying for your basic necessities. __________________ “You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result”** -Gandhi

22nd May 2011, 11:48 PM	#9
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: M for MEEP! Orientation: Mutant and Proud Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 24 Posts: 6,564 Join Date: Jun 2005	Re: Money or Love? Interesting Pain (Rikudo), . I answered Primarily Love, Money Second. My reasoning somewhat what I explained above is this. Love is important, a relationship will never survive without that love being there. HOWEVER, I sometimes can't help but think...I mean yes even the poorest couple can have a wonderful relationship, and a rich couple could hate each other like no tomorrow. But being able to provide for the family and such is something that is always one feels good about. I dunno just me. __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself.

22nd May 2011, 11:54 PM	#10
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Money or Love? MONEY is easily obtained. People just have problems spending it. __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

22nd May 2011, 11:54 PM	#11
djt820 Brutally Honest Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: DICKS EVERYWHERE Out Status: Like A Cock Slapping Your Face Kind-of Out. Location: SoCal Age: 19 Posts: 1,282 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Money or Love? Fuck bitches, get money. This is how I live my life. __________________

23rd May 2011, 04:31 AM	#12
Eleanor Rigby Filip's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out as straight ally Location: France Age: 32 Posts: 5,401 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Money or Love? Love ! Definitly love ! When I started to date my husband, he was absolutly broke. I didn't care, I loved him. 10 years later : he is still absolutly broke and we both live on my primary school teacher wage (you know what teacher's wage are right ?) and I still don't care and love him I don't say money isn't an issue but we manage that issue as a couple. __________________ "Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of another, always at the same time as an end and never simply as a means." Immanuel Kant

23rd May 2011, 04:38 AM	#13
Kidd You'll love me! Full Member Gender: ♂ Orientation: ♂ ♥ ♂ Out Status: Out Location: N.W. Ohio Age: 21 Posts: 1,430 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: Money or Love? To me...it's money. I know that sounds shallow but let's be realistic here. I don't want to take care of someone for their entire life. If I'm going to be with someone, they need to be ambitious, and motivated, and educated and independent. Love is important obviously but I don't think it's enough to sustain a one-sided relationship for an extended period of time, generally speaking. __________________ I feel a hunger. Take my picture by the pool, because I'm the next big thing. Fingers crossed, my time is coming now...

23rd May 2011, 05:36 AM	#14
Black Cat As Seen On Hoarders... Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: This cat is out of the bag - I mean closet Location: Pennsylvania, with the cows Age: 21 Posts: 2,391 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: Money or Love? Love is more important, money is only an issue if you make it into one. I'd rather be madly in love with someone who is flat-ass-broke then be with someone who buys my love. My love can be bought, don't get me wrong, but that kind of love is ingenuine, superficial, and very very expensive. I would marry someone for money though, but only if I really dig the person - not necessarily love - but I have to like them. And before you ask, no, I would NOT use them or their money, I would live within MY means, and if anything use their money to help others. It would be mostly a marriage of companionship, I think. That would be alright. And as much as I enjoy money, I disregard it in a way because once this life is over, the only thing we can carry into the next life is love. __________________ "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it." - Mr. Magorium

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23rd May 2011, 09:22 AM	#16
Z3ni Ec's ADD Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gayish Out Status: My Twin Location: England, Manchester Posts: 3,080 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Money or Love? Well at the moment.. money since I never been in love, and many of my issues is due to lack money. __________________ Through pain, lies success.

23rd May 2011, 10:49 AM	#17
TheRoof True Blue Full Member Gender: genderqueer Orientation: I like who I like. Location: NY Age: 20 Posts: 1,459 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Money or Love? i need both.

23rd May 2011, 11:38 AM	#18
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Money or Love? I would choose money. I believe most people are in love with the idea of being in love. Love takes more work than people are willing to put forth, when love is new and shiny its great, but when the sheen wears thin most people call it quits. There are 7 billion people on this planet and the chances of finding that one person that you can happy with forever are pretty slim, especially for the gay population I know most of you are probably rolling your eye or relying to this already, but I’m a realist, it’s how I feel. __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.

23rd May 2011, 03:55 PM	#20
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: M for MEEP! Orientation: Mutant and Proud Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 24 Posts: 6,564 Join Date: Jun 2005	Re: Money or Love? They say i think 70% of relationship problems deal with financial situations. And malachite, I understand what you're saying. After 9 months with my boyfriend I still love him and we're past the honeymoon stage as it were. Now yes, him and I will see what happens when we move in together, when we get married, when we have kids, but for now I'm happy. Right now the thing I'm dealing with is the blending of my boyfriend with my family. My parents have met him, and they like his personality but are trying to get me to change his appearance >_> So frankly in some ways, it's almost like I'm having to decide between my boyfriend or my parents :S Awkward don't you think? __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself.