Laying it on too thick.

[thedreamwatch]

I had a friend tell me the other day that he thought I was "laying on the gay thing too thick". It pissed me off, frankly

Apparently I talk too much about gay stuff. It's not even like I'm having a conversation about something and then I say stuff like "oh and by the way, also I'm gay". It's like I talk about girls when people are talking about people that are hot or if asked what I've been up to lately, I'll generally talk about activities I've been involved in--a lot of times relating to the Pride Alliance at my college, which I am very active in.

I don't understand how anyone could accuse me of "laying it on too thick" when I'm just being myself and talking about normal everyday things.

Maybe straight people don't realize how often they talk about stuff that relates to the fact that they're straight? Because lemme tell ya, it's a LOT more than I realized before I admitted to myself and others that I'm gay. I don't care, but I'd at least like to be able to participate and bore people with my completely normal life just like everyone else.

It's all about talking about the opposite sex and whos-dating-who and what's going on---but only if you're straight. That stuff is apparently totally fine to talk about if you're straight, but not for me and I think it's bullshit.

Am I the only one having this problem?

[Owen]

I guess it's just another part of straight privilege. I can't say I've had the same problem, but it's certainly not uncommon.

[TheEdend]

Happens to me, but thats because I do sometimes lay on it too think xD Even if it was true that you lay on it too thick though, your friend shouldn't be so upset by it . Everyone has that one thing that they talk about ALL THE TIME. Mine can be gay stuff, my friend's thing is cars, my other friend's thing is the kardashians and my other friend's thing is tv shows.

Just my opinion though

[thedreamwatch]

Originally Posted by TheEdend

Happens to me, but thats because I do sometimes lay on it too think xD Even if it was true that you lay on it too thick though, your friend shouldn't be so upset by it . Everyone has that one thing that they talk about ALL THE TIME. Mine can be gay stuff, my friend's thing is cars, my other friend's thing is the kardashians and my other friend's thing is tv shows.

Just my opinion though

Oh yeah, it's possible that that day I was all about the gay, but normally (and definitely when I'm around people who react like this friend did) I feel like I have to check myself all the time and that's wrong. He talks about his girlfriend, why can't I talk about a prospective one of my own?

[AllSmiles]

Well, I usually try adapting to the people I'm talking to. If I know that the people I'm talking to don't like talking about gay stuff, I simple don't mention gay stuff. Besides, I'm not really a big fan of talking "gay" :P

[Pseudojim]

Crock of shit, imo.

"Laying it on too thick" is just a rehashing of "you being gay makes me feel uncomfortable", imo.

[Markio]

I agree that the heterosexist social environment is unfair to us non-heterosexual people.

For me, I'm just getting tired of my straight friend who talks in a stereotypically "gay" voice as a joke. It's funny sometimes, but he does it pretty often and I feel like it perpetuates a hostile environment where femininity in men is ridiculed.

[Chandra]

I think you might be experiencing something I learned about the other day: the effects of "surplus visibility". Basically, it means that behaviour that would go unnoticed in "unmarked" people (straight, white, middle-class, etc.) is overly-noticed in "marked" people (gay, visible minority, etc.). So for example, people might not even notice a straight couple holding hands, but almost everyone will notice a gay couple holding hands - the fact of their gayness draws attention to it, and makes it seem more significant.

[mnguy]

Originally Posted by Chandra

I think you might be experiencing something I learned about the other day: the effects of "surplus visibility". Basically, it means that behaviour that would go unnoticed in "unmarked" people (straight, white, middle-class, etc.) is overly-noticed in "marked" people (gay, visible minority, etc.). So for example, people might not even notice a straight couple holding hands, but almost everyone will notice a gay couple holding hands - the fact of their gayness draws attention to it, and makes it seem more significant.

Very interesting and I agree this happens to minorities. It's hypocritical really.

Have you talked to the one who said this, thedreamwatch?

[Flyers2011]

I've gotten it before, from my female friends. My male friends love the fact that I can talk about chicks with them, even if it can be a little awkward sometimes. But anywho, I think it has to do with some people have the perspective of, "I don't care if your gay but I'd rather you not talk about it or think about it whilst you're in my presence," also known as a homophobia.

It sucks, but you're probably going to deal with a lot of people like this. It kind of surprises me that a male friend of yours did it, considering most guys say, "GIRLS KISSING! WHERE? SOMEONE GRAB A CAMERA," but not in this case. You'll just have to ignore them, and if you really get annoyed with them say, "Look. I respect your 'straightness' but do you have to lay it on so thick?" Give 'em a taste of their own medicine . Most of the time that will get them to think before they tell you to, "Stop laying it on so thick," they might think first

[thedreamwatch]

Originally Posted by mnguy

Very interesting and I agree this happens to minorities. It's hypocritical really.

Have you talked to the one who said this, thedreamwatch?

mnguy, I didn't really talk to him about it. I wanted to see if I was just being oversensitive before I went off on him, and also I'm more likely to have a better talk about it if I'm not pissed off while I'm doing it lol.

And Chandra, that sounds exactly like what I'm talking about. Well said.

[Cheria]

Tell him he's laying the hetero-normativity on too thick.

Can someone please tell me what "talking gay" is exactly? So I am not out to many because there isnt many people to be out to, My bestfriend, who is like my only friend accepts me and everything I say or do, or act, so I wouldnt know what it is. For me, its normal behavior, what ever it is.