Denialist homophobia

[Holmes]

Last week I was in Madrid for two nights visiting a friend working there. We're both gay, and from talking about our relationships, the conversation went on to touch on a lot of gay and society issues. There being no more precise word for the varieties of prejudice, she said she felt her sister was homophobic. Not against her, but against a girl she dated, who she thinks can't be gay, as she's quite feminine. They're good friends, but she'll only ask her about boys, not about boys or girls, even though she's clearly bi.

I suppose this could fit into prejudice against bisexuals, that people like to fit them into boxes of either gay or straight. But my friend also said her sister finds one of our male friends confusing, because he's not particularly camp.

So what are your thoughts or experiences of the idea that only camp men and butch women can really be gay?

[Nazo]

So...essentially she believes that only perfect stereotypes are truly gay?
Well, there goes most gay people, including me. I guess they're bi, huh?

I think she needs to understand that actions don't determine sexuality.

[Just Passing]

It's quite sad if someone believes that everyone who's gay should fit into the ridiculous stereotypes often presented by the media. I'm nothing like the stereotypes and its insulting to think everyone who is gay is.

[Nevermind]

I think sometimes straight people like to buy into these stereotypes because it helps them 'other' gay people and therefore they become less threatening to their own sexuality. For example, your sister's friend can think 'oh yes all lesbians are butch and all gay men are flaming, they have nothing in common with me and people like me', and so her view of a heteronormative society is left pretty much intact. But when a gay person comes along who is in all other ways (for want of a better word) 'normal', it messes with that view. Suddenly, the possibly that she could even be seen as a lesbian, or that masculine guy she wants to date could be gay, appears. Its much more challenging then, to know that there is essentially not a lot of difference between straight and gay people.

I have no idea how true this is, its just a theory I've had for a while.

[Hexagon]

Yeah, people like that piss me off.

[Monica]

Originally Posted by Nevermind

I think sometimes straight people like to buy into these stereotypes because it helps them 'other' gay people and therefore they become less threatening to their own sexuality. For example, your sister's friend can think 'oh yes all lesbians are butch and all gay men are flaming, they have nothing in common with me and people like me', and so her view of a heteronormative society is left pretty much intact. But when a gay person comes along who is in all other ways (for want of a better word) 'normal', it messes with that view. Suddenly, the possibly that she could even be seen as a lesbian, or that masculine guy she wants to date could be gay, appears. Its much more challenging then, to know that there is essentially not a lot of difference between straight and gay people.

I have no idea how true this is, its just a theory I've had for a while.

Yeah, I usually upset people like that. I am literally the lowest under the gayar you can get. When I come out to people, some don't even believe me. I am so "normal" it's hard for them to imagine me with a "sexual perversion" as my pastor so lovingly puts it. Screw him. Can't I just be who I am?

[flymetothemoon]

I agree with a lot of what Nevermind said above. I think that a lot of people, sometimes even gay people, like to think they can determine by looking at someone whether or not they are gay. I don't think I can at all, and I think that most people's "gaydar" missed me completely for 25 years until I started dating women and they see me with my girlfriend. I guess that for them the idea that they can tell if someone is gay or not is comforting to them. They think they know when to put up a wall and block people out or when to be open to people. They know if the guy they have a crush on is gay or straight just by looking at him, so they can decide to pursue the crush or not. They know if that girl is straight or not, so they can decide if they want to be friends with them or if that might send them mixed signals if they are the wrong sexual orientation. I guess I can see people trying to determine and seeing if they are right, but when it is used to block people out or stereotype people, I think it's really wrong.

[steel03]

I honestly find camp really annoying wherever it's coming from. Not because I feel threatened by or don't want to identify with the stereotype. It just strikes me as annoying... I don't like Glee, I don't like Grease, it's just not me. So then why do I fantasize about men, hmmmm?