"That's so gay"

From my experience, the term, "That's so gay," is not actually meant to be harmful. I don't know how the term came to be (I am kinda curious actually) but from what I've seen it has become so assimilated in the language (in America at least) that most people don't even notice they have said it. I have one or two friends who say it on occasion, though ever since coming out they are more careful about their wording, even though I told them I understand they don't mean anything by it (though admitting, I do notice it when people say it, and it bothers me a bit). In addition, I have met one or two gay people that use the phrase, since they don't really think about it, it's just something you say when something is being annoying, or not working.

So, basically, from what I've seen, most people don't mean anything by it, they might not even realize what they are saying, though technically I can't speak for everyone, so I suppose we all have to be careful of the major homophobes out there.

 

Thanks, that makes things a lot easier.

As a matter of fact, it cropped up in a conversation with one of my best friends this evening - if only it wasn't on MSN, it would have been a good opportunity to out myself...

 

I agree. I think that it shouldnt be used as a bad name, or something that is meant to cause harm, but I think that when most people say it they just don't know any better because they dont have any out gay friends, etc.

But, I think that it is appropriate for gay people to say it is they mean it as in 'that actually looks like a homosexual action, way of dressing, etc'

Like for example - "did you see the Junos? Kalan Porter looked so GAY!!!"
cause he really did. but i dont mean any harm to him, it would be nice to see a celeb come out.

 

I personally don't use the phrase, but I don't even think twice when other people use it.

When people refer to something as "being so gay" they aren't saying "omg, that is sooo homosexual and homosexuality is soooo not cool".

It's similar to someone saying "oh my god" infront of a religious person. They may see it as using gods name disrespectfully, but when you say it, you don't say it with an attitude that would offend anyone. Same applies for this phrase

 

No actually, it's not exactly the same. Most people don't refer to themselves as god, so saying "oh my god" isn't personally insulting. Plus you're not equating "god" with "bad." If someone says "that's so gay" they mean "gay" equated with "stupid/dumb/ridiculous/etc," plus lots of people do refer to themselves as gay.

Now that doesn't mean the word is meant to offend, but it certainly is being used thoughtlessly. I'm sure most people who used to use the word "coloured" to refer to a black person weren't meaning to be offensive but hey, the meaning of words change over time and maybe one day we'll all be avoiding calling African-Americans black or even African-Americans.

But "gay" as "stupid" has its genesis specifically in the sentiment that being gay is not cool or good so however thoughtlessly it's used, it should be pointed out as something to be avoided.

It's like saying someone is trying to Jew you, or gyp you, or talking about a Mexican stop sign or an Indian-giver. The intent is probably not racist but a lot of times in life the intent does not the effect determine.

 

Of course it isn't identical, but it's certainly a close example based on how people respond to it.

When you someone says "oh my god" in exclamation, they usually say it out of habit. When they say it, they aren't saying it with the purpose of slandering god.

Likewise, when someone says "that's so gay", they don't usually say it with the intent of slandering homosexuals. My straight friends have made this clear to me. It's said out of habit, and I know it's not meant in a negative way towards us.

I'll agree that when someone says "that's so gay" it equates the word gay with being bad (even though technically, Christian's would argue that saying oh my god is associating god with being negative).

I didn't make myself clear in my initial post, and I'll try to make myself clear here, but it's extremely confusing for me to try and articulate my own experiences. I'll just give an example of what I mean:
My friend's mum is particulary "proper", and prefers her children to be polite, respectable etc. When my friend used the term "that's so gay", her mother told her off, as it's a sign of disrespect to homosexuals. My friend argued that nothing was meant by it, and the word "gay" in that context didn't actually refer to homosexuals, it was just a negative word. Her mother took this on board, and from then on prefered that my friend refer to gay people as 'homosexuals' instead of 'gays'.

The point is, that it's become a multi-context word. Yes, its seen as a negative word, yes its also the word given to homosexuals, but thats the way its viewed in society today. That isn't going to change in a hurry. I believe its the attitude we say it with, and the intended meaning that makes a word offensive or unacceptable.

I can see how having the word "gay" being used in such a way can be offensive, however, it's *the* new word adapted by youth today. Like my friend's mum, I believe you have more of a chance of changing the "homosexual" side of the word "gay", than you have making people change the "negative" side of the word.

I don't know...I see where you're coming from, joey. At first I took it personally whenever someone used the phrase, but I feel as long as they keep the meanings apart, I don't mind it.

EDIT: Big wall of text, sorry didn't mean for it to go so long.

 

Just a few relatively short comments:

Actually I was pretty clear what you meant. I wasn't having trouble understanding what you said; I was simply disagreeing with it.

Really? I'd like to see how well that approach would pan out with the word "nigger" in the African-American context or "kike" in the Jewish one.

The notion that the person hearing a word has no involvement in how it is received is leaving out half of the equation--or more. For instance, in a more gay context, if I call my gay friend a fag and I mean it with no ill will but rather as an ironic bit of humour, that doesn't mean that it might not hurt some closeted queer youth who happens to be walking by us who gets "fag" hurled at him as an insult everyday in high school. Or that another out gay person might not take offense to it because it's a particularly painful word for them.

I'm sure that's what people thought and said about changing the opposite-sex meaning of marriage but hey, it's been done.

 

For me, calling something gay is like calling something retarded -- they're both commonly used as adjectives to describe things negatively, thus implying that being gay or being retarded is something to be ashamed of. And so I try not to use either of those words in that kind of context. Even if it's not intended to be hurtful, it could be to someone who overheard -- and you may never even know it. So why take the chance? Just say 'ridiculous' instead.

'Fag' and 'faggot' are hate words to me, on the same level as 'nigger' and 'chink.' If uttered in a friendly context, I don't take offense to them, but there's a part of me that still kind of flinches when I hear them. I think it's one of my quirky hypersensitivities.

 

I do feel mildy offended by the statement "that's so gay". I have asked all my friends to try and limit the use of this phrase to none while around me simply because i do feel a little bit like i've been slapped when they say it. And although some of you have made some compelling speaches about "it doesn't mean it's attack against gays" or w/e. But it is, whenever some says "my gay lock on my locker wont work" is bestowing a negative meaning to the word gay. Using it to replace words suck as "f**k" (my f***ing computer wont work/my gay computer wont work), "ugly" (that outfit is so ugly/that outfit is so gay), insults such as "stupid" etc. (you're dumb/you're gay). I'm not like super hardcore about it. Like i don't go off my head when someone says it and throw a massive fit. It all depends on the context and how often the person uses it in a negative manner....this might not be as compelling or sound like A+ motivational speaking material, but i do feel offended by it, and please no one try to change my mind with all the "they dont mean it" 's and the "your being emotional" 's cuz' i've heard them all before.

 

I think that what we have to keep in mind is that IT IS JUST PLAIN DISRESPECTFUL!!!. And straight people have no right to say it... if we looked at something that was obviously bad, wrong, stupid, etc, and said "that's so STRAIGHT!!!" they wouldnt think it was funny. my point is that White people dont say the N word because it is not our place. and black people can make their own decision. So therefore, Straight people shouldnt say "thats so gay"
And gay people just know better. We know what it means and how it feels.

 

i dont mind it when they are actually saying talking about something GAY, but it is really annoying when it is used as a derogatory.

 

I hate when people say that if they say it afront of me i usally say i dint know there was a such thing as homosexual computers. usually they try to expain it

L!O!L i remember this one boy said my parents are being gay i said i dint know u have 2 moms. now he dont use the word gay in that way anymore

 

Couldn't of said it better myself

 

i hate when people use the word gay in a negative way... like 'argh thats so gay'. even if they dont mean it offensively it shows a lack of vocabulary and why should we have to tolerate it, black people wouldnt be expected to tolerate it if everytime someone thought something was bad they said ''omg thats so black''. no minority group should have to put up with the name of there minority group being used in a NEGATIVE WAY. i remember when i first began to realise i was gay naturally i was extremely sensitive to the subject and the fact that people were walking around saying ''oh thats so gay'' only added to my feelings that being gay was bad and something to be ashamed of. when thats my opnion anway. xx

 

its just like saying "thats so retarded". i used to use gay as deragotory, but ever since i stopped, i stopped saying retarded as well cuz i knew i was just being a hypocrite if i was saying that.

 

yah i never thought about that. from today im gonna stop saying retarded. not that i really ever said it anyway but im really gonna stop from today :biggrin:

 

It really ticks me off, personally. But then again, none of my friends know they're angering me, seeing as I'm so deep in the closet I'm finding old eighties clothes.

People don't stop to think about how offensive people find it. I also find retarded offensive, so I don't say it. I don't go into a rant/lecture when people say those things, i just keep it inward.