Depression and dating?

[HazMattic_Force]

Do you think that there is a limit to dating while depressed , i mean dating can help some peoples depression but the break up can destroy someone . What do you all think about someone who is depressive dating someone else , not just me but ANY one with depression . I want to go ahead and say i think its fine to date with depression but if its is severe depression then they should work a little more on themselves first before dating .... i was racking my mind about this and wanted to find out the ideas of my ideas of everyone here on EC .... Aswell sorry if there was already a thread about this

[alexi12]

I think as long as you try to actively eliminate the depression, that it is okay. You just always have to be prepared for the worst. If one can't handle it, then you have to be honest enough to yourself to admit it and avoid dating until you can handle something like that.

I agree with Alexi12. You have to love yourself in order to be loved

[Austin]

I think it depends on the level of depression. If it will interfere with your relationship then yes you probably should not date. You need to be able to make yourself happy. You can't rely on someone else for ALL your happiness.

[thedreamwatch]

As a person who has suffered bipolar depression and had relationships suffer because of it, I'd say that getting into a relationship while severely depressed is not a good idea. It usually ends up hurting everyone more. ALTHOUGH if you're already depressed and you're IN a relationship with someone, it's nice to have the support, but still hard on the relationship nonetheless.

I'm not a psychotherapist, I don't know for sure about everyone, honestly, but I do know what I have been through and that's what I think about it.

[Mogget]

I'm very hesitant to say that people with mental illnesses shouldn't date or have relationships as that's a very ableist sentiment, however I do think that mental illness shouldn't be ignored. It's something that needs to be discussed if symptoms are present, and something your partner is going to fully support you in working through. I do think that it can be dangerous to date or have a relationship while depressed because there's a danger of transferring your sense of self-worth onto that other person and becoming co-dependent.

I also want to say that the old adage of "you have to love yourself before you can love" is completely wrong. It is fully possible to love someone else while hating yourself, it's just not healthy as your sense of self-worth is entirely dependent on that other person.

[thedreamwatch]

Originally Posted by Liam

I'm very hesitant to say that people with mental illnesses shouldn't date or have relationships as that's a very ableist sentiment, however I do think that mental illness shouldn't be ignored. It's something that needs to be discussed if symptoms are present, and something your partner is going to fully support you in working through. I do think that it can be dangerous to date or have a relationship while depressed because there's a danger of transferring your sense of self-worth onto that other person and becoming co-dependent.

Thank you Liam for saying this better than I did. This is exactly what I meant, also.

[Tiny Catastrophe]

Originally Posted by thedreamwatch

As a person who has suffered bipolar depression and had relationships suffer because of it, I'd say that getting into a relationship while severely depressed is not a good idea. It usually ends up hurting everyone more. ALTHOUGH if you're already depressed and you're IN a relationship with someone, it's nice to have the support, but still hard on the relationship nonetheless.

I'm not a psychotherapist, I don't know for sure about everyone, honestly, but I do know what I have been through and that's what I think about it.

My girlfriend has that and I think a lot of the time it helps her more then hurts her because she's really only happy when we're together and I'm there for her when things are bad and she's told me I'm one of the only reasons she's still alive. I mean it's not always great and everything because we do fight and sometimes her mood swings and depression make her mean and she doesn't want to tell me things but I don't think it's all that bad to be in a relationship when you're depressed

[Mogget]

Originally Posted by PrincessChaosxX

My girlfriend has that and I think a lot of the time it helps her more then hurts her because she's really only happy when we're together and I'm there for her when things are bad and she's told me I'm one of the only reasons she's still alive. I mean it's not always great and everything because we do fight and sometimes her mood swings and depression make her mean and she doesn't want to tell me things but I don't think it's all that bad to be in a relationship when you're depressed

The problem isn't so much the relationship (barring co-dependency), but what happens if it ends. Your girlfriend suddenly loses the thing that gives her her sense of self-worth, because she doesn't really have one, but rather borrows her sense from the fact that you like her. I'm currently dealing with this in a minor way as some of the friends I get my sense of self-worth from are leaving. It's much better not to rely on other people to make you happy.

[angel424]

First of all, I hold a degree in psychology and time and time again in my classes we learned how important having close relationships are to someone's mental health. Having a solid support system helps someone deal with their illness much easier. BUT there are things you have to watch out for. You have to make sure that the person with depression isn't using their partner as their sole source of support or as their therapist. They can't replace a mental health practitioner with a loved one because that only hurts everyone involved. So I think it is much better if they are dating someone WHILE seeing a therapist so they aren't putting pressure on their significant other. Also, just because the person is mentally ill doesn't make it okay for them to hurt their partner, and eventually the partner must reevaluate if they can afford to be in the relationship without hurting themselves. Because you can love someone dearly but realize that they are only being self destructive and are bringing you down with them, and that's not healthy. So basically, if the person is cognizant of their problem, willing to work on it and see someone, and is able to not hurt their loved one because of their illness, it's great and extremely helpful to be in a relationship. But if not, it may hurt their partner and even themselves to stay in the relationship without trying to fix their depression. Sorry this is so lengthy but it's been a personal problem for me through many a relationship ><