Depression and dating?

I think as long as you try to actively eliminate the depression, that it is okay. You just always have to be prepared for the worst. If one can't handle it, then you have to be honest enough to yourself to admit it and avoid dating until you can handle something like that.

 

I agree with Alexi12. You have to love yourself in order to be loved

 

I think it depends on the level of depression. If it will interfere with your relationship then yes you probably should not date. You need to be able to make yourself happy. You can't rely on someone else for ALL your happiness.

 

As a person who has suffered bipolar depression and had relationships suffer because of it, I'd say that getting into a relationship while severely depressed is not a good idea. It usually ends up hurting everyone more. ALTHOUGH if you're already depressed and you're IN a relationship with someone, it's nice to have the support, but still hard on the relationship nonetheless.

I'm not a psychotherapist, I don't know for sure about everyone, honestly, but I do know what I have been through and that's what I think about it.

 

I'm very hesitant to say that people with mental illnesses shouldn't date or have relationships as that's a very ableist sentiment, however I do think that mental illness shouldn't be ignored. It's something that needs to be discussed if symptoms are present, and something your partner is going to fully support you in working through. I do think that it can be dangerous to date or have a relationship while depressed because there's a danger of transferring your sense of self-worth onto that other person and becoming co-dependent.

I also want to say that the old adage of "you have to love yourself before you can love" is completely wrong. It is fully possible to love someone else while hating yourself, it's just not healthy as your sense of self-worth is entirely dependent on that other person.

 

Thank you Liam for saying this better than I did. This is exactly what I meant, also.

 

My girlfriend has that and I think a lot of the time it helps her more then hurts her because she's really only happy when we're together and I'm there for her when things are bad and she's told me I'm one of the only reasons she's still alive. I mean it's not always great and everything because we do fight and sometimes her mood swings and depression make her mean and she doesn't want to tell me things but I don't think it's all that bad to be in a relationship when you're depressed

 

The problem isn't so much the relationship (barring co-dependency), but what happens if it ends. Your girlfriend suddenly loses the thing that gives her her sense of self-worth, because she doesn't really have one, but rather borrows her sense from the fact that you like her. I'm currently dealing with this in a minor way as some of the friends I get my sense of self-worth from are leaving. It's much better not to rely on other people to make you happy.

 

First of all, I hold a degree in psychology and time and time again in my classes we learned how important having close relationships are to someone's mental health. Having a solid support system helps someone deal with their illness much easier. BUT there are things you have to watch out for. You have to make sure that the person with depression isn't using their partner as their sole source of support or as their therapist. They can't replace a mental health practitioner with a loved one because that only hurts everyone involved. So I think it is much better if they are dating someone WHILE seeing a therapist so they aren't putting pressure on their significant other. Also, just because the person is mentally ill doesn't make it okay for them to hurt their partner, and eventually the partner must reevaluate if they can afford to be in the relationship without hurting themselves. Because you can love someone dearly but realize that they are only being self destructive and are bringing you down with them, and that's not healthy. So basically, if the person is cognizant of their problem, willing to work on it and see someone, and is able to not hurt their loved one because of their illness, it's great and extremely helpful to be in a relationship. But if not, it may hurt their partner and even themselves to stay in the relationship without trying to fix their depression. Sorry this is so lengthy but it's been a personal problem for me through many a relationship ><

 

i have depression and have been in a relationship for almost a year and a half. my girlfriend has started showing signs of depression as well. we work through it together. however, i used to have severe depression that ended one of my best friendships. the way that ended still irritates me to this day. once i was in a more stable and positive place in my life, i opened up to a relationship. i still struggle many days but i can take care of myself and my relationship is a side thing in my life. we're both independent and understand that we need to take care of ourselves and meet when convenient.

if you feel that you will only be happy within a relationship, don't get into one. make sure you can make your own happiness and not rely on other people. if you break up, realize that it is for the best, there's many more fish in the sea, etc. etc. don't let it get you down. if you allow a relationship to make your happiness and then take it away from you, you will drop into a severe depression. if you think that you are stable enough to get into a relationship and have it add more positivity into your life, go for it.

 

^ Thread is over a year old.

 

I think that although being in a relationship definitely helps make one feel better, less alienated, it still isn't the best idea because if for some reason things don't work out one would be crushed... I'm guilty of making impulsive decisions that aren't exactly the best long-term... like I said, it feels good at the moment but still...

 

It is also important for both sides to understand what is going on once a solid relationship does happen. One of my best friends is bipolar. She told me one that her boyfriend "thinks she is totally fine." She ... Is. She does very well, but she has moments where I know she's manic. It's not fun for anyone involved. She handles herself well, but she does need help getting through certain moments. when she starts getting manic or acting differently, I know that he might not see that so I really keep my eyes out. I think it's important that both sides understand it.

 

I have suffered from depression for about 10 years now and have had a series of steady, wonderful relationships. Some have ended amicably, others not so much, but none of them destroyed me. I had my low points after certain break-ups, but as the old saying goes, time heals all wounds. That has certainly been the case for me. Also, I was always upfront with my partners about my depression and they were all extremely supportive. One thing I'll say is that if you're in a relationship with someone who can't handle your depression or is unsympathetic, that's a red flag for sure. I was always lucky enough to have very supportive relationships though. In my experience, relationships can be one of the best possible things for your mental health.