Hey everyone. I will be posting my poetry here. I would love comments and constructive criticism. This first one is dedicated to my grandmother and my friend Emily. My grandma died in March of 2005 and this was one of the ways that I am able to get over that loss Emily inspired me to write this because she lost her grandmother last year and we somehow were talking and got on the topic of death. Goodbye I wish I could forget you As I look towards the empty chair I wish I didn't feel so empty Just a feeling of despair I just can't forget you You caused me so much pain It was unintentional Unavoidable I pack your stuff away I wish I could talk to you once more I held your hand as you left ...without saying goodbye I couldn't see you after that The feelings masked for so long I cannot face them There is some good in these twisted events You are reunited with your long lost love I know you will watch over me I know just that much
here's another one Please comment in that one moment it takes just one moment to make it welcome to change a life a tiny action no one has to know about something like screaming out or getting help as I lay here on the ground broken beaten bloody lifeless and cold begging for help that seems as if it's never going to come Until you held out your hand and picked me up off the ground with a smile on you face it wasn't needed it was welcome it revived my viewpoint on life and liberty it helped me live another day another week the outlook was what was needed and that's what the smile offered
I'm sorry about your grandma (*hug*) Mine lives about 5 minutes away from my house and I haven't seen her in months. I'm afraid that I won't ever get to make up with her so I identify with your poem through that.
(*hug*) it's okay and I can definitely see it from that point of view. I don't know what happened but all I can say is try, somehow, because if you don't sooner or later you never will be able to an it'll be to late.
I really thought that both of your poems are beautiful. Your first poem I can really relate to, as I felt a lot of the same way when when grandfather died (he's about the only one in my family who ever just accepted me for who I am, no questions asked, regardless of what everyone else's criticism of me were), so I really miss him too. Thank you so much for sharing both of your poems Kat. I think you're very talented and I wish I could write like that as a way to express myself...
If I have one criticism it's to make your writing more concise. The theme of the second poem, especially, could be conveyed in probably half as many words. In poetry, unlike some genres of prose, it isn't length that matters so much as density.
Here's another two, I rarely type up my poems so I believe it's the last ones I do have typed up. You Say That You Love Me You touch me and I melt into you You look at me and I can't look away You make my heart beat fast without even trying You make it hard for me to say no You hold me in yours arms so tight You say you love me and will never let me go You call me just to tell me goodnight You hold my heart in you hands You tell me we need a break You tell me that I am free You say you will explain later You say that you still love me I say that I love you too I find myself without words I find my unable to speak I'm confused I thought I was all you wanted I mean that's what you told me What did I do wrong? You broke me down You hurt me and now you don't even care What exactly was I to you? Alone Broken, run down, and confused I gave you everything that I could Left out in the dark You took everything that I had You left me all alone Enclosed in a tomb I weep You turn your head away Ignoring my cries for you While I'm locked in this casket Without you Both of these were written after my girlfriend broke up with me.