Kat's Poetry

[Hemera]

Hey everyone. I will be posting my poetry here. I would love comments and constructive criticism.
This first one is dedicated to my grandmother and my friend Emily.
My grandma died in March of 2005 and this was one of the ways that I am able to get over that loss
Emily inspired me to write this because she lost her grandmother last year and we somehow were talking and got on the topic of death.

Goodbye
I wish I could forget you
As I look towards the empty chair
I wish I didn't feel so empty
Just a feeling of despair
I just can't forget you
You caused me so much pain
It was unintentional
Unavoidable
I pack your stuff away

I wish I could talk to you once more
I held your hand as you left
...without saying goodbye
I couldn't see you after that
The feelings masked for so long
I cannot face them

There is some good in these twisted events
You are reunited with your long lost love
I know you will watch over me
I know just that much

[Hemera]

here's another one Please comment

in that one moment
it takes just one moment to make it welcome
to change a life
a tiny action no one has to know about
something like screaming out
or getting help
as I lay here on the ground
broken
beaten
bloody
lifeless and cold
begging for help
that seems as if it's never going to come
Until you held out your hand
and picked me up off the ground
with a smile on you face
it wasn't needed
it was welcome
it revived my viewpoint on life
and liberty
it helped me live another day
another week
the outlook was what was needed
and that's what the smile offered

[Daryn]

I wish I could get my grandma to read your poem. The first verse almost made me cry! Beautiful.

[Hemera]

Awe thanks. I wish my grandma could read it as well

[Daryn]

I'm sorry about your grandma Mine lives about 5 minutes away from my house and I haven't seen her in months. I'm afraid that I won't ever get to make up with her so I identify with your poem through that.

[Hemera]

it's okay
and I can definitely see it from that point of view.
I don't know what happened but all I can say is try, somehow, because if you don't sooner or later you never will be able to an it'll be to late.

[kiersten]

I really thought that both of your poems are beautiful. Your first poem I can really relate to, as I felt a lot of the same way when when grandfather died (he's about the only one in my family who ever just accepted me for who I am, no questions asked, regardless of what everyone else's criticism of me were), so I really miss him too. Thank you so much for sharing both of your poems Kat. I think you're very talented and I wish I could write like that as a way to express myself...

[Steve712]

If I have one criticism it's to make your writing more concise. The theme of the second poem, especially, could be conveyed in probably half as many words. In poetry, unlike some genres of prose, it isn't length that matters so much as density.

[Hemera]

Here's another two, I rarely type up my poems so I believe it's the last ones I do have typed up.

You Say That You Love Me
You touch me and I melt into you
You look at me and I can't look away
You make my heart beat fast without even trying
You make it hard for me to say no
You hold me in yours arms so tight
You say you love me and will never let me go
You call me just to tell me goodnight
You hold my heart in you hands
You tell me we need a break
You tell me that I am free
You say you will explain later
You say that you still love me

I say that I love you too
I find myself without words
I find my unable to speak
I'm confused
I thought I was all you wanted

I mean that's what you told me

What did I do wrong?

You broke me down
You hurt me and now you don't even care
What exactly was I to you?

Alone
Broken, run down, and confused
I gave you everything that I could
Left out in the dark
You took everything that I had
You left me all alone
Enclosed in a tomb
I weep
You turn your head away
Ignoring my cries for you
While I'm locked in this casket
Without you

Both of these were written after my girlfriend broke up with me.