How to satisfy a bisexual/pansexual?

[Robert]

Ok. So, I have to admit that, currently, for me, someone being bisexual is more of a turn off than it is a turn on. I've thought this for a while now and I havent really understood why.

I think I may just have figured it out. If I was in a relationship with a bisexual I would be worried that I wouldnt be able to give the guy everything that he wants. He'd always be wanting a bit of boob and maybe vagina and thats something I cant offer him.

Is this a genuine problem for any of you bisexuals/pansexuals out there or are you happy to stick to one gender once you've found the right guy/girl?


This may be a really stupid question, so I just want to apologise, in advance, for being a dumb newb. Thanks!

[Spintop]

I can't speak for other perople but i'm pansexual and when i like someone it isn't because of gender..or genitalia the reason I like someone is because of their personality and how they act. So not so much that I want to have action with both genders but that it doesn't influence how i feel towards someone.

but that's just me.

[highlights]

Well for me, I haven't had sex, so I'm not so sure about that side of things.

But when I'm interested in someone or have a crush, that person is the only one I want/am interested in. There's a girl I really like at the moment, and I don't feel any serious attraction towards any guys because I just want her. I would be completely happy to stick to just one person. Sure I may have the odd fantasy about another gender but I wouldn't act on it or let it get in the way of my relationship.

It's not so much about the gender of the person, but the person and how I connect with them emotionally and physically. I don't want 'a bit of both', I just want a fun, loving relationship with one person, and gender isn't an issue for me.

[adam88]

So, would you be afraid of not being to provide your boyfriend with larger/smaller/other people's penises? No? That's silly, isn't it. Let's just say that the whole point of pansexuality is that I'm not with someone for their genitalia. I'm with them for them, and that's the only thing I want.

EDIT: And once again, there aren't two genders in the eyes of a pansexual. Just people.

[AtmaWeapon]

I seriously doubt I am bisexual, but I really never understood why people feel that someone who is bi can never be satisfied. Granted, I think I am more attracted to lesbian women than bisexual women or those who go different ways, but a person is a person. Some people go one way and aren't satisfied in other ways (i.e. not being satisfied with one partner). A bisexual person can and do fall in love and/or experience significant sexual attraction to persons of either sex or gender, but I never saw that as wanting both penis and vagina. I see it as being capable of attraction to persons possessing either, but ultimately bisexual people fall in love like most anyone and are capable of being as satisfied with one person as can a heterosexual or homosexual person be satisfied.

I really think people in general focus too much on the 'naughty bits' of a person than other external qualities and other intangible qualities which play a significant role in romantic and sexual attraction.

[Lexington]

I don't hold with the "one person can't satisfy a bisexual" theory, either. I mean, I'm attracted to guys. And that means all kinds of guys. But would that mean if I was with a blonde guy, I'd have to go find another guy to satisfy my dark-haired guy itch. Or cheat on a skinny guy so I could be with a muscular one. The bisexuals I know haven't had any issues remaining monogamous within their relationships, and at least one of those lasted at least a decade.

Lex

[Holliepop]

Originally Posted by Corporal Sparks

I think I may just have figured it out. If I was in a relationship with a bisexual I would be worried that I wouldnt be able to give the guy everything that he wants. He'd always be wanting a bit of boob and maybe vagina and thats something I cant offer him.

If he actually has feelings for you and has agreed to date you, then he's obviously not too fussed about not having boob or vagina. Same if he has feelings for a girl; he wouldn't be bothered if she doesn't have a penis.

But anyway is it just about sex? Surely there would be more to a relationship than that. You know, if you actually get a long, like each other's company, want to be around each other all the time, find each other attractive. You don't have to want someone's genitalia to find that out.

Granted, sometimes I think of women, but I never think "Gosh, I wish I had a girl on the side so I can get my lesbianz sex on." because I love my boyfriend more than anyone for many other reasons ... not just because he has a penis and that's what I'm wanting atm.

[biisme]

The way I feel is that it's not that I need both genders, it's that I have the capacity to be truly happy in a relationship with either one, because I don't care what they are. I love them for who they are.

[Colosses]

i gees that is the good thing about being gay u dont hafe to whary abaut not being a bal to ofere some thinngs.
o and i gees if u r a rely fat bi u cud ofter boob.

[just b urself]

im pansexual..its not liek that with me but i dont go by their physical appereance.i liek someone for their personility.i suppose their can be some people out their liek that though

[Redroses]

If I found the right person I'd stick with them no matter what the gender. I just guess I don't see gender, I just see people.

[Rooni321]

I do worry about this myself but

Sexually, I only know of one case where they guy was dating a girl but he eventually wasn't satisfied and wanted a penis.

But he might of just been an asshole because its not like he acted on it. Who knows?
That's one person lol.

[hiddenxrainbows]

Originally Posted by Holliepop

If he actually has feelings for you and has agreed to date you, then he's obviously not too fussed about not having boob or vagina. Same if he has feelings for a girl; he wouldn't be bothered if she doesn't have a penis.

But anyway is it just about sex? Surely there would be more to a relationship than that. You know, if you actually get a long, like each other's company, want to be around each other all the time, find each other attractive. You don't have to want someone's genitalia to find that out.

Granted, sometimes I think of women, but I never think "Gosh, I wish I had a girl on the side so I can get my lesbianz sex on." because I love my boyfriend more than anyone for many other reasons ... not just because he has a penis and that's what I'm wanting atm.

I agree with Hollie on this. I have a boyfriend too, and we've been together seven months. I'm pansexual, but I've never been with a girl. And I'll admit that sometimes, I do think about girls. But I don't go after anyone else, girl/boy/whatever, because I love my boyfriend and I wouldn't want to mess that up. I think that maybe some bis/pans are like that, where they're not satisfied. But the majority can easily find someone to be happy and satisfied with.

[TearDropFairy91]

It not a bad of a problem like it use to be, but it slowly on and off as I struggle with my sexuality once again. Even though I've been with my boyfriend almost a year I still have my V-card so.. yeeeeah it hard for me.

[Hana Solo]

Originally Posted by hiddenxrainbows

I agree with Hollie on this. I have a boyfriend too, and we've been together seven months. I'm pansexual, but I've never been with a girl. And I'll admit that sometimes, I do think about girls. But I don't go after anyone else, girl/boy/whatever, because I love my boyfriend and I wouldn't want to mess that up. I think that maybe some bis/pans are like that, where they're not satisfied. But the majority can easily find someone to be happy and satisfied with.

^^
In total agreement. I look at girls but since I've being with my boyfriend for over five months I'm perfectly happy with him and don't want to be with a girl because I'm totally into him. But who knows in the future?

[Countervail]

Like what I have posted before, I am most probably looking for a long-term relationship with a person that doesn't just want sex but a life partner too.

and when I'm in a relationship, I avoid looking for a crush, I'm satisfied with my partner
(I've only been in a relationship once in my High School since first year, and now I am graduating but I know that, I just do. xD)

[Hana Solo]

In straight relationships, there gets to a point where people get bored and look for more too. I think people put too much emphasis on that they think gay relationships and people are different. We're only different in the fact we like our own gender (and/instead of) the opposite one. Other than that we all want the same thing- love.

[PerfectInsanity]

I think some of the confusion and phobias about bi/pansexuals is partly due to the social connotations of the labels. In this society where straight is viewed as the norm, if you're bi then you can still maintain a relationship with someone of the opposite sex and not piss off homophobic family and friends. That's why some gay people identify first as bisexual in the "bargaining" part of coming out. I initially told myself I was bisexual because I thought it still left the door open for having a "normal" relationship (one foot in, one foot out sort of idea). If you're bi, then at least the heteronormative folks think there's still some hope for you (yes, it is a bullshit thought).

The other main phobia, which is one I still somewhat struggle with, is that with the idea of sexuality falling on a spectrum or being fluid, someone might shift what they like while dating you. At an event during coming out week put on by my school's LGBT organization, one guy who labeled himself as bisexual described his sexuality as being very fluid, liking guys more at one period of time to suddenly desiring girls more. I realize that a lot of bisexuals do fall more towards one end of the spectrum and are mostly interested in one sex (and are not fluid), but I think the phobia revolves around the ones that have fluid sexuality. I think in that case it would be hard for a totally straight or gay person to date someone like that, knowing that they might be the flavor of the week. Again, I realize that this more fluid type of sexuality and type of person is rarer (I am not trying to stereotype bi's) and this type of thing is an unfounded fear of mine. I guess I'm worried about starting a relationship with someone who is bi or closeted, because they might decide to dump me for a girl just for "convenience" in maintaining the straight appearance to their family and friends (living the white picket fence life). It doesn't help that I tend to crush on guys that "seem" closeted and also that I haven't been intimate with anyone of the same sex yet, so I guess I'm more paranoid of stupid shit right now.

[Hexagon]

I'm satisfied with one gender when I'm dating someone. It just isn't a big issue for me. LIke when a straight or gay person dates someone, they aren't constantly lusting for every other feature on a man/woman that this one doesn't have (like hair colour or penis size )

[hulu735]

I'm personally okay with one gender at a time, being a bisexual myself, so don't worry.