So about gay parenting....

[Tracy Lord]

In the news forum, I was asking some inarticulate questions about gay parenting. They were inarticulate precisely because of the stuff I'm currently working through.

I've been suppressing my "feminine side" for years, precisely because society says that boys don't cry, etc. Just because men are predominantly, well, masculine and women feminine doesn't mean that we aren't all some combination of both. And to whatever degree we possess both, we have to nurture, not suppress, both. If we want to be whole human beings that is.

Which is to say, I am neither a gender nor a gender role. I am a human being. I can enjoy guns and sports and beer and being the knight in shining armour. I can also like bubble baths, skin care products that smell good and feeling vulnerable and "sensitive" and whatever else (the way I'm writing aspects of the feminine sounds so trite and cliche, but please bear with me; I'm just beginning to work all this out. It really is more substantive than it may sound...)

Which brings me back to the topic of gay parenting. Again, I ask because I don't know any gay parents. And, frankly, I know very little about how gay relationships function.

But (and all this came out in my therapy session yesterday, which was after I posted in that thread) I'm inclined to think that it's all related to this gender role thing. Up til now, I've provided the traditional paternal stuff and my wife has provided the traditional maternal stuff. That's all I've known.

But I suspect that's changing. I suspect that as I get to know my "feminine side," my wife is going to be able to explore her "masculine side." And I think that's going to be good for her, given her history of childhood abuse. I get the feeling that there's some "empowerment," so to speak, that's going to be happening for her. Which is a good and necessary thing.

So, we aren't just masculine or feminine. We are human beings, comprised of varying combinations of what we call masculine and feminine traits. And we all need to explore and find out to what degree we possess each of those traits if we want to become whole people.

And I suspect that within gay families, if the couple is a healthy one, each partner brings the necessary maternal and paternal, masculine and feminine, qualities to the table. So, maybe I've answered my own question. Still, I would like to hear from gay parents or children of gay parents. I want to know how you experience all this.

I don't know if that expresses it better. Again, I'm just beginning to feel my way around on this topic, so if I've inadvertently said something that sets someone off, please forgive me. But, for the record, I have no interest in gender politics or politics of any kind. I am interested in people being free to become who they are.

[MrLordZeus]

I agree with you 100%, but now adays societys eyes are blinded.

Also to add on, I'm being raised by my Gay mom. So I have really no "male" figures in my life.

[Sadepeura]

I don't have experience of gay parenting in my own life, but I know a few people who do and I've seen some documentaries.

I think what you've been thinking about people as being just human beings with both feminine and masculine characters is true. And how gay couples wouldn't just represent one of these characters because all people have both sides.

Also after following all the adoption law debates I would say that most families have friends who are males and females and therefore the children will be able to interact with both sexes. Of course sometimes it doesn't happen just like MrLordZeus said that he didn't have a male figure in his life. And someone might argue that that's why he ended up being gay. But that's so not true, it's not like straight parents only raise straight children, is it?

[Tracy Lord]

If what I said above is accurate, about the only thing I can think of at this point that a gay male couple couldn't provide is breastmilk. And, in addition to the physical benefits of breastmilk, I did watch a bonding experience happen between my wife and our son as a result of feeding that had a profound effect on the both of them. Granted, lots of hetero moms don't breastfeed. I'm not one of those people that gets religious about it, but I do think more people who can should do it.

But people don't oppose gay parenting because of breastfeeding, so that's sort of beside the point.

I think the bottom line is that our society opposes gay parenting because our ideas about gender roles are all messed up. But I think that's connected to the larger issue of how we value reason (masculine) to the detriment of the emotional (feminine). Don't get me wrong; I'm a big fan of the Enlightement. Without it, we (at least in western civilization) would still be fighting civil wars over God and I don't know about you, but I'm a big fan of things like modern medicine.

I'm just saying things have seemed to have gotten out of balance.

[Robert]

As far as I am aware, your question isnt one that anyone can answer. Nobody knows how gay parenting affects children. The studies just havent been done yet. Wait a decade or two and then you might be able to get your answer.

I, personally, dont protest about gay couples having children but I am always cautious in advocating it in any strong sense. Having said that, I support, in principle, gays adopting children who would otherwise not be adopted by a straight couple, for example.

Sorry I couldnt give you a more concrete answer.

What do you think about gays adopting? Got any reservations?

[Tracy Lord]

>What do you think about gays adopting? Got any reservations?

No reservations whatsoever. Like gays can eff things up any worse than heteros do....

[Ridiculous]

If single-parents are allowed to raise children, same-sex couples should be allowed to raise children. That's pretty much my opinion on it.

This nullifies the 'need both a male and female influence' argument: lots of people grow up fine with a single parent even though they are missing either a traditional male or female influence. And I can be pretty certain that a same-sex relationship (those prepared to be parenting, that is) is a more stable environment for a child than a single-parent one, both emotionally and financially.

Anyway, I can't think of anything that is so intrinsically feminine that cannot be provided by a man, or vice versa (apart from physical things like the aforementioned breast feeding).

[TheEdend]

Originally Posted by Corporal Sparks

As far as I am aware, your question isnt one that anyone can answer. Nobody knows how gay parenting affects children. The studies just havent been done yet. Wait a decade or two and then you might be able to get your answer.

Actually, there has been multiple studies done already and most of them agree that children raised by same-sex parents are "normal." Some studies do show that there is some pressure that the kids face from society for having same-sex parents, but that is due to how society treats the families and not on the parent's fault.

But ya, I think that most people disagree with same-sex parents raising kids because of the gender roles that you mentioned. There are really no other arguments against it. At least that I know of.