Loneliness hurts so bad(kind of a rant)

[PickAName4Me]

Hello! New guy here. Please be gentle! :

Did you ever get so lonely you actually think of your own death and suicide? No, I am not planning on doing it at all. Its just I have been so depressed and lonely for so long that it hurts so bad. Its like the world does not understand me at all. I am unsure of my sexuality. This is going to sound weird but I can picture myself living and having a life with a girl and I am strongly attracted to girls but sex with them is just a total turn off. I can not see myself living with a man but I can see myself having a really close friendship(basically on the verge of romance) with them and I have had sex with guys and I loved it and it felt right. My family is totally homophobic(its a choice...LGBT are sinners...yada yada). I always think of guys more than girls even though I notice girls more than guys when in public. Weird I know. When ever I think of guys though I get all homophobic and start insulting myself. I am one f*cked person. LOL

[LynaHoek]

I know exactly how you feel. I was having troubles figuring out my sexuality for a long time and I still am learning to accept it and embrace it. It's hard and sometimes I feel as if I have no one to talk to about it, to tell me that it's okay that I'm like this. I find myself attracted to both men and women, though the thought of being in a relationship with a woman scares me. It's new but exciting and it scares me. I think I'm not as attracted to guys as I am to girls. I've only ever slept with one guy and well...it just wasn't comfortable so I can't say the thought of sleeping with another guy really excites me. I know it's confusing and annoying as hell to not know what you truly are, but don't give up, you'll figure it all out eventually

I hope that actually made sense and doesn't look like I slapped random words together haha.

[PickAName4Me]

Originally Posted by LynaHoek

I know exactly how you feel. I was having troubles figuring out my sexuality for a long time and I still am learning to accept it and embrace it. It's hard and sometimes I feel as if I have no one to talk to about it, to tell me that it's okay that I'm like this. I find myself attracted to both men and women, though the thought of being in a relationship with a woman scares me. It's new but exciting and it scares me. I think I'm not as attracted to guys as I am to girls. I've only ever slept with one guy and well...it just wasn't comfortable so I can't say the thought of sleeping with another guy really excites me. I know it's confusing and annoying as hell to not know what you truly are, but don't give up, you'll figure it all out eventually

I hope that actually made sense and doesn't look like I slapped random words together haha.

It made sense. I actually thought my post was a bunch of random words. LOL

I see what you are saying 100%. The way you said "It's hard and sometimes I feel as if I have no one to talk to about it, to tell me that it's okay that I'm like this." really hit home cause it feels like people are there to condemn you but nobody there to talk to you without being judgmental.

[LynaHoek]

Hehe glad to know I'm not alone then.

Exactly. I even have a gay 'best friend' who I should feel like I can talk to about this, but I can't because I feel that he won't accept me if I'm pansexual and not just a lesbian or something. I had talked to him once about maybe thinking I was bisexual and he brushed it off and just told me that there was no such thing, you either liked guys or girls.

At least we have this place to come to, though Everyone here seems welcoming and not quick to judge you.