Ignorance Infuriates Me

[Tiny Catastrophe]

I guess this is more of a rant but I just want to get this out there before I explode even more. I was sitting with my mom and my grandma and my grandma was looking at a magazine and came across a picture of Lady Gaga and started saying how she dresses like a slut and stuff like that and I said "You don't know all the good things she's done." so she responds with "like what?" and I said well a lot of her songs have good messages and she's done a lot for the gay community to which she says "I should've expected that". I said "what does that mean?" and she said "I'd rather see Britney Spears than that queer." When she said that I just snapped and threw whatever I was holding and stormed out of the room and without saying anything. I then got yelled at by my mother for being "disrespectful" for storming out of the room because I was angry. I wasn't going to sit there and listen to her bash lgbt people because she doesn't know she's also bashing me. My grandma and I always get into fights about homosexuality but her saying that really pushed me over the edge. I think it's really unfair and hurtful that my mom took her side over mine because I'm out to my mom and she knows how those things make me feel. Now she refuses to speak to me. Was I wrong to get so upset about that? I mean she's always making comments like that but never actually came out with an outright insult like that. Doesn't everyone have a breaking point?

[Ridiculous]

In my opinion you weren't wrong; that comment was entirely unacceptable.

I'm pretty infuriated by the fact that you are automatically supposed to be subservient to an older generation. They don't deserve any more respect than anyone else just because they are older, and they don't get to use their age as justification for having hurtful opinions.

Your grandma was the one being disrespectful, not you, and in fact I think you did the right thing by removing yourself from the situation rather than retaliating.

[Artemicion]

Originally Posted by Ridiculous

I'm pretty infuriated by the fact that you are automatically supposed to be subservient to an older generation. They don't deserve any more respect than anyone else just because they are older, and they don't get to use their age as justification for having hurtful opinions.

YES!!!!!!!!!!! I AGREE 100%. I have no idea how many times I've raged over this "just because they're older". In my books if they're going to do that then I'm going to label 99% of them senile...

[Markio]

I don't think older people should be discredited for their age, but that's a separate issue.

I think it was perfectly justified that you were upset! Calling a singer a "queer" in a demeaning way is very hateful, and it was mature of you to leave the situation when you snapped, rather than yelling at her or something worse. Of course, I don't know how far you threw whatever you were holding.

Ideally confronting your grandmother's comments may be the most effective way to understand her comments and reply with your own perspective, but that is difficult since you're not out to her. My only suggestion is to consider ways to address her comments in a way that does not put the spotlight on you, but just on the tactfulness of her comments. Like, "I understand you don't like Lady Gaga, but there's no need to use the word queer in that way." Or something.

[thecat06]

I totally agree with you being angry... It was 100 percent justified. It's better to leave the room than to completely blow up...

[starfish]

Then Jesus said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do".

In my opinion this is the wisest statement in the bible.

Base on your age I would say that your grandmother came of age during the height of the cold war. Take a step back and think objectively for a moment. We were living in a time where there was the very real possibility of nearly life on earthing being dead in just a few hours. We were not long out of WWII, where we fought a long hard war against the Fascists who were looking to take over the world. Now we are in the middle of a very fragile peace with Communists that are looking to take over the world. Proxy wars are popping up all of the place and each side was locked in a arms race with each other.

So in a short time we have had 2 bitter conflicts with groups that held very different ideals than our own. So we pull together and are waiting for the enemy to start their sneak attack. Remember the main differences here were idealogical, so how do we spot the enemy. Simple, it is anyone that is different. Conformity is the name of the game. To boil it down. If you are the same as everyone else you are a good guy, and if you are different you are a bad guy.

You and I live in a much different world. The threat of instant annihilation is gone. No one is looking to take over the world. We live in a time where being different is good. For the most part it is safe to be different. No one will suspect your of committing treason just because you have a different hair style.

So it is easy to us to sit back and say we are so enlightened. This is where we have the good fortune to see both side of the coin. We came of age and formed our world view in a time where we can see the bad side of such a society. Your grandmother did not. She grew up in a world where being different was bad. Were conformity was expected and bigotry was, well expected. It was your part of keeping America safe.

Does this excuse behavior like this. Of course not. What it does offer is perspective.

Now we can sit back declare our elves be the good guy. Label people who think that way as clueless idiots. Get pissed off at them, never talk to them and say bad things about them. Of course these sounds a lot like what they are doing. The difference is that we should have known better.

So try not to get mad. Forgive her because she knows not what she does. Be an example of how LGBT folk can be the best people around. If homosexuality always causes the two of you to fight, just avoid the subject for now. Build a good strong relationship with her and then bring it up. Try to find a common ground. Gently show her that there are different paths in life, just remember that you can't force her to change.

Also don't be mad at your mom, and don't let her be mad at you. I lost my mom 6 years ago to cancer. We never had much of a relationship. I was pretty pissed at her about a life time of stuff much more serious than this. I can tell you in hind sight, that it was petty. If the two you are not talking that is not good. Don't let it stay like that. Trust me it is not worth it.